Almost 8 months clean - weird sensation today
Before I say anything, I want you to know that I am miles ahead of where I was months ago. Outside of today, I have made a ton of progress recently in my recovery that I am proud of. I think what happened today may be because I was pushing myself for my mom’s sake (Happy Mother’s Day to any and all moms out there)
I have been pushing myself pretty hard this last week or so and have been trying to socialize myself more after a long period of seclusion. I went out to eat with my parents, visited my grandparents grave, and went to Devil Wears Prada 2.
Waking up this morning I felt like I was not feeling well, but pushed past that feeling several times throughout the day for the sake of celebrating my mom. When we finally got home, I laid on my bed and started crying profusely.
After a short time I felt this feeling like the center of my spine had a screw in it that was being tightened and loosened. My back was contorting and my arms and legs were moving and locking up. It didn’t feel like how I remember TD although it may have been. It went on for awhile and I was convulsing on the bed, but I had some motor control and was able to talk to my parents a little. I also had and intense sensation on both sides of my face. By the end of it I was still crying and curled up in a ball rather uncomfortably.
I have dealt with some of these things if not all of them here and there, but this felt big. I thought I was having a seizure but also felt like maybe it was just a physical release of a lot of emotions.
If anyone has any insight into what this may have been, please let me know. All of this being said, I am okay. I am still recovering well and I am planning to play some tennis tomorrow. Just wanted to share this experience because it existed in a vacuum well away from any complex substances. please avoid worrying me with wild speculation! I am still happy to be sober regardless.
Also willing to accept it might have just been my old self dying.
For those who may ask, I was rapidly tapered from .5 mg Clonazepam x2 daily and CT from 2 mg XR ativan before this stint of sobriety.