Dv after so many years. What he done to me is outrageous
Was married 15 yrs, separated now 7 years. The abuse has only finally stopped.
Over the last number of years, but especially in the final year after separation, I experienced what I now understand as ongoing emotional and psychological abuse from my ex-husband. I lived under constant pressure, suspicion, and control. He involved my children in adult issues and had them monitoring aspects of my life, such as whether I was going out, drinking, or staying with my partner, which created a very unhealthy atmosphere in our home. He repeatedly pressured me to “confess” to things that were often unclear or never even real, which left me feeling anxious, confused, and like I was constantly defending myself. He questioned my parenting, implied I was unstable or an alcoholic, and I was even reported to Tusla over accusations that were deeply distressing and invasive.
Now that things are calmer and I finally have space to process what happened, I often find myself feeling intense anger and disbelief. I keep coming back to the thought: “That was outrageous.” Because honestly, some of what I experienced was deeply invasive and psychologically distressing. I think part of what I’m struggling with is trying to understand how someone could treat another person that way, especially someone they shared a life and children with. Looking back now, I can see how much fear, control, emotional manipulation, and pressure I was living under, even after the relationship had ended.
Since receiving legal protection and a barring order, my home has become calmer, my children are happier and more relaxed, and I’m beginning to realise how deeply everything affected me. I still carry anger and disbelief over it, but I also know now that what I experienced was real, damaging, and not okay.
Has anyone felt like this that can offer advice please.