•funniest part of all of this is realizing•what you lost versus what I lost•honestly i think i came out ahead•
I think honestly the funniest part about all of this is realizing• •what you actually lost•versus what I lost. we are not the same•
You lost someone who would’ve fought for you through damn near anything. Someone who showed up. Someone who loved loudly. Someone who stayed patient while you changed the rules every five minutes. Someone who tried to understand your chaos even when it was cutting them open.
I lost someone who only knew how to care about himself.
And honestly? That’s a much easier thing to recover from.
The more distance I get from this, the more insane it becomes. Everything revolved around you. Your timeline. Your feelings. Your ex. Your space. Your needs. Your confusion. Your disappearing acts. Your ability to hurt people and somehow still act like the victim in the story.
Meanwhile I was over here asking for the bare minimum like:
“Hey can you maybe act like I matter for five consecutive minutes?”
Wild concept apparently.
And the sad part is…I really did love you. Or at least the version of you that showed up just enough to keep me hoping. The good version. The soft version. The version that made me think maybe underneath all the selfishness there was someone capable of loving me the way I loved her.
But that version of you was like a movie trailer. Short, convincing, emotionally manipulative, and nowhere near the full film.
Now that I’m stepping back, I’m realizing something terrifying:
I spent so much time trying to prove my worth to someone who wasn’t even capable of appreciating it.
That’s not a failure on my part. That’s a limitation on yours.
I’m still sad sometimes. Of course I am. You can’t rip your heart out overnight and just laugh about it immediately. But mixed in with the sadness now is relief.
Relief that I no longer have to beg someone to care.
Relief that I don’t have to compete with ghosts from your past.
Relief that I finally stopped shrinking myself to fit inside your emotional availability issues.
You missed out on someone rare.
And I walked away from someone who made loving them feel like an unpaid full-time job with no benefits and occasional emotional terrorism.
So honestly?
I think I came out ahead.
no.i know i did. you are