u/Legal-Emotion3892

There’s this guy I briefly went out with in undergrad and for whatever reason he has lingered in the back of my mind for literal years. Things ended pretty early on and I honestly think part of it was because I didn’t want to sleep with him at the time. We’ve talked very briefly since then (I reached out once last summer just casually), but nothing substantial.

Now I’m in a completely different phase of life, more confident, more secure in myself, and honestly just a very different person than I was back then. I’ve been debating reaching out and asking if he’d want to grab coffee sometime and catch up, especially since I’ll be back in town the next few weekends.

What’s getting in my head is the fact that he’s literally the only guy I’ve ever felt compelled to reach out to multiple times after things ended. I genuinely don’t even know if he’s single, and I’m okay if he doesn’t respond or isn’t interested, but part of me wonders if this is normal curiosity/unfinished business or if I’m romanticizing someone from my past.

Has anyone else had someone linger in the back of their mind like this for years?
Should I reach out again and put an invitation for coffee on the table?

I feel like my dating life is actually a joke at this point.

I was seeing this guy for a while, and honestly I thought things were going really well. We had a lot in common, consistent communication, good dates, and it felt like there was genuine intention there. I trusted the connection and thought this was building into something real.

Then pretty much out of nowhere, he hits me with: “You’re great but I don’t see this going anywhere long term.” And now I’m sitting here feeling equal parts hurt, embarrassed, and honestly pissed off at myself for letting myself believe it meant more.

Part of me is angry at him because if you’re unsure about what you want, maybe get off dating apps and stop involving other people in your confusion. But a bigger part of me is mad at myself for trusting it and for feeling like I misread the whole thing.

I know logically that dating involves risk and not every connection works out, but emotionally it just feels like I got played and now I’m left trying not to turn this into a full personality crisis.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you stop blaming yourself after something like this?