My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. Our relationship started off pretty rocky on the beginning and some actions from him where I honestly should’ve ended it there. However, I was young and in a bad place mentally and thought I could “change him”
Not really sure where to start honestly. It started with little things that he was not doing in the beginning that would irritate me but I just thought to myself “its fine it’s not the end of the world” however the more repetitive these things would occur I would get more and more upset. Honestly there are too any instances to put on this post so I’ll just go with a few
For a while we were not very intimate and I asked him about it and he said it’s because I never initiated it. So once I started too more he “wasn’t in the mood” so then I would back off. He also was never complimenting me or anything and honestly wondered if he found me attractive
He also never goes out of his way or does anything extra unless I ask. I brought up how he doesn’t get me flowers and he just finds some excuse or will only get me them on special occasions? I feel like I always go above and beyond to get him things he likes or buy expensive experiences I know he will like and for my bday I got flowers and my favorite snack? I think it would be different if he couldn’t afford it but he 100% can
When we first moved in together it was me always cooking and cleaning everything. I had to complain about me doing everything for 8 months straight and basically threaten the relationship before he finally started pulling his weight. Last weekend I had to be out of town for work and I asked him to do simply take the trash out and he was out until 5am all weekend and it wasn’t done. I came home fuming obviously and he said “why do you have to turn everything into a fight” AFTER we had plans he didn’t show up too and when k confronted him about it he said i was making it up that we made plans
He goes out and spends money constantly with his friends but as soon as I ask him to do something it’s all about money this and money that, or when we do go to something he complains 40 minutes in about how tired he is. So I started doing things on my own because ????? He will go out with his friends all day and night and spend $100’s but when I wanna go to the movies or coffee date it’s too much. This has been a problem our whole relationship with him finding an excuse for everything the first time; he basically said I was boring and he gets bored, the next it was money, after that I don’t even know what his excuse was. So I brought it up again a few days ago and he is like you are right I do want to spend more time together and I’m sitting there like????? I have been saying this for how long
Where all of this is getting to is the NOW this past week he has like flipped a switch and is trying to be extra lovey, cleans everything before I get home from work, texts me constantly throughout the day. Tries to plan dates (even tho these are only on days where I have plans and he knows of them, so that seems a little….?) and I’m starting to feel bad but I just don’t know what to do anymore. My sister and my two best friends have been in the know of everything that has happened to the point where my brother in law and sister no longer likes him and my friends are telling me I can do so much better. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m at a weird age where I’m too old to find someone get married and have kids and we also share some friends and am scared to lose those people as well. I do love him so much but honestly just wonder if we are compatible. I could add more but this already feels long enough and don’t know if I am being dramatic and now that he is finally trying I should give him a chance but at the same time I’ve started to resent him a little and just wanna do my own thing
I also think we do not want the same things out of life. I want to move eventually to somewhere warmer and travel countries and he has no desire to do that. He did not finish university and dropped out which is totally fine but he has been working a job where you can not really “move up” and doesn’t have any future goals or plans currently. I am in school full time for my masters degree, working 60 hours a week at a new job making 6 figures, am training for a marathon, and get up at 4am everyday to go to the gym. Does this sound selfish of me? He really is a good guy but I am not just sure if he is my guy and I think he can really tell that I am starting to pull away and is choosing now to actually start putting effort into our relationship and I just feel like a horrible person if I leave.