I(F26) am in a long term relationship(M35) and I feel dependant to my coworker(M22)?
I have been in an healthy relationship for the last 7 years. We are happy and have projects together and I love my partner.
A couple of months ago, I got a new job and this coworker started talking to me, at first I was uncomfortable because he looked like he had a crush on me and my other coworkers were thinking it too. I usually keep firm boundaries with my coworkers, but this time I slipped up and started talking to him and we became what I would call friends. We text each other about our life stuff and so on. I have a lot of male friends and I have gotten in the past and yes I talk to my friends a lot over text messages, so this wasn’t anything new. My partner knows about him, and my coworker knows about my partner.
This guy has a lot of health problems and he did talk to me about it a lot. We talked about our mental heatlh issues since we both suffer from depression and he talked to me about trying to commit suicide… I am a very protective of the people I like so I started getting very worried for him so we talked even more. We text each other a lot and we sometimes play video games together. We never hung out outside of our workplace, he invited me once to hang out with his friends but I didn’t go. So the place we really talk most is by text messages.
I feel like I am often being used by people because I am really present for my friends and will always be there to listen to their problems or to just have fun. My friends are one of the most important thing in my life. I unfortunatly started putting this guy before my friends as I was worried about his wellbeing. I ditched my friends to play videogames with him because I felt like he needed me and needed to talk. My friends don’t know him directly but they understood and didn’t hold me accountable.
So yeah this guy started to take a lot of place in my life and in my head. I did feel a bit of a crush on him, but nothing serious really and I just let it go and moved on with it. I already did have crush on other guys but I would never go forward with it so I didn’t think much of it. So yeah my reflex now when something happens is to go talk to him.
Recently he started getting distant with me and I understand that he has a life of course, but I got jealous. He didn’t invite me anywhere (even if we never hung out irl) and it hurted me since we talked so much. I know I am making expectations and that this is probably one sided. I feel like I am probably way more attached to him than he is to me.
He recently ghosted me for like a day and a half and since he told me about his mental heatlh issues I started to get really worried. One of my friends commited suicide a couple years ago so I always feel distressed when someone doesn’t answer with no reason for an extended period. When I reached out to him he said he was fine and would explain everything later. The explabation was…. That his phone died…. Like for real. I was PISSED and started ignoring him and got a bit distant answering only with a couple words. It really pissed me off to get worried for something so stupid and the lack of consideration on his part. So he started texting me even more when I got distant. I feel like he felt it and didn’t want me to be disant with him.
Since this happened, he started being more distant with me from time to time. Not taking the time he used to to answer me or just to open my messages. I feel like I am being used and don’t feel so good about it. I got way too attached to this guy and I feel like whatever happens I will get hurt… I appreciate him a lot, but he makes me feel disposable when he stops answering to me. He is so sweet and makes me feel listened and then the switch flips he ignores me and I feel like shit.
I confessed to him about a lot of stuff because I felt listened and I wasn’t judged so it does hurt me thinking about possibly ending this. Our friendship grew really quickly and I am aware. This is why I’m feeling so uncertain, because im scared that I get way too attached to people who don’t really care and just open up and talk to everyone. I’m not comfortable talking to him about this because I feel like I’m overreacting…
So I need advice and help to know what to do with this. I don’t feel like I can cut ties, because I like him a lot and don’t want to cause drama at my job, but I also don’t want to get hurt. I know that im not really having an healthy reaction so I would like to know your thoughts and what I could do. You can be blunt I think I need it.