u/Legal-Teaching6117

I live in Southwest Montana, my property is 5 acres of irrigated land, no covenants, no restrictions, also with water rights. I've been slowly homesteading on it and making improvements when I can. I really enjoy the property, the house is pretty good size and there is a pretty sweet barn as well. The place is entirely electric though, there's no propane, I do have a couple woodstoves, but otherwise it's completely reliant on the grid. Last year we had a really bad storm that wiped power out for about 24 hours and I used a generator to keep the fridges and freezers alive. My goal is to be completely self reliant, as we all know things in the world feels unsettling and becoming self-sufficient seems to be a goal worth working towards. Since this place is all electric, I don't know if installing propane, on top of solar would make sense financially. I'm not sure what I'd be looking at cost wise but I know it's going to be expensive.

Given my options would converting an existing property to off-grid make more sense than selling this place and either buying an already off-grid setup or building my own? One advantage I have is I bought this place in 2020, from a friend, so my mortgage interest rate is incredibly low and I also have 400-500k worth of equity. I think, given my area and particular property that selling it wouldn't be too difficult, but I'm prepared for anything that could happen there. Taxes and insurance do hurt, but I also have one of the highest paying jobs in the state and doing well financially. At the same time though, I don't enjoy my job and was born in MT so I'm open for a new adventure.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, I have been very blessed to be where I am but I wanted to paint a clear picture. If I did sell, I would downsize and simplify so as not take out anymore loans, the only debt I have is the mortgage. If you were in my position, what would make the most sense? I'm really up for either option, I just don't know which direction I should focus on.

I'm never one to talk to the internet about my problems, but I'm in a weird spot mentally that no one in my circle can really understand and I don't know what to do.

I'll try my best to explain, I have developed a serious anxiety about my health, and my mortality. I'm 28, I became a dad 2 years ago, which has been the greatest thing ever. About 4 years ago I had a spell where I suffered with migraines with auras and some stomach issues. After about a year, some doctor visits and a few lifestyle changes my stomach healed and my migraines went away, although I never found what caused the headaches to begin with, and my eyesight has deteriorated some which has been difficult. I've always been on the healthier side of things, but was never really fearful for myself, I used to be quite the adrenaline junkie.

Today, I work in the oil industry and have been for the last 6 years, it wasn't until my son was born that I started thinking about the long term effects that my occupation will have on me, which is where I started to spiral. Back in my early days I didn't give the dangers proper respect, which is the culture around here, ignoring PPE, cutting corners to get the job done is normal operation. H2S is everywhere out here and I've been exposed to it occasionally, in one particular case I remember being around high concentrations, but I've never had any of the symptoms of severe exposure other than some respiratory irritation.

What has happened over the last few months is I've developed this fear that my health is failing, I know that I'm healthy but I trick myself into thinking something is wrong. I even ended up in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack, but I got checked out and all is well. Every little thing I hyperfixate on, I can tell I just stress myself out to the point of feeling sick. Being at work terrifies me because of the inherent dangers, I think about my early days when I wasn't so cautious and worry some looming health problem is waiting to come after me.

I'm actually living healthier than I probably ever have, I know all the stuff in the world today can definitely add to the stress but that doesn't seem to be what I focus on. I've taken a step back from social media, my job pays well and allows my wife to stay home with the kid, financially I'm doing well and don't really worry about that. For whatever reason, I'm terrified of dropping dead and leaving my family. Also I will add I did lose my mother when I was 15, I'm starting to think that is playing a larger role than I think it is. I'm supposed to be this "tough" blue collar man who takes life on the chin and keeps moving, but I'm really in a weird spot and I could use some advice.