Painful sex, no libido, weird anatomy concerns… honestly overwhelmed
Buckle in because this is a mess lol.
I used to be very sexually active in high school/college and never had issues with libido, getting wet, pain, etc. There was also a lot of trauma during those years, which probably matters here. As I’ve gotten older, I slowed down a lot, and this past year I started a medication that absolutely destroyed my libido. Like genuinely -10%.
Now when I try to have penetrative sex, it hurts badly, sometimes bleeds, and feels like it’s ripping. It’s not enjoyable at all. I’m assuming part of it is from not being turned on/dryness/low libido, but I’m terrified it’s going to stay this way even after I get off the medication (planning to within ~6 months).
The frustrating part is I want to want sex. I want to enjoy it and feel normal and be able to please my partner, but my body feels completely disconnected from that right now.
Another thing: despite being sexually active for years, I realized I barely know my own anatomy because I always focused more on the guy’s experience than mine. I actually looked closely tonight and now I’m confused because my clit seems extremely close to my urethra/pee hole, almost connected under the hood? I have no idea if that’s normal anatomy or not.
Also to add on this previous paragraph, I only had just realized (at 23) that I had been rubbing my hood and not my actual clitoris. My previous boyfriend had actually shown me and that was the first time I’d ever finished with someone.
I’m also insecure about my vaginal opening size because I could tell some past partners struggled with angles/fit and it made me feel awful about myself. I don’t know if this is from previous lifestyle choices, trauma, medication, tension, anatomy, or something else entirely.
Has anyone dealt with: • libido completely disappearing from meds/trauma? • painful tearing/bleeding during sex? • anxiety about anatomy or “fit”? • feeling disconnected from your own sexuality/body?
I’m honestly just looking for advice or reassurance from people who’ve been through similar things.
Another note- my boyfriend is extremely supportive of where I am at and loves me for me and will wait however long he needs to for me to feel comfortable. I’m blessed in that manner.