u/Legal_Commercial4511

Warning i’m going to be very blunt because im writing this at 5am with no sleep lmfao. This happened a week ago and i still haven’t been able to get this off my mind so i figured id just get peoples opinions on here. i lost my virginity last weekend to some guy i hardly even know (don’t hate, your hg just wanted to feel something)

so i snuck out and went to another city to this boys house because he had an oc. now he lives nearby my friends campus so i planned to spend the night at her dorm. when i got there we chatted for 3 hours straight knowing we both just wanted one thing. (and i actually ended up falling for him because he turned out to be more attractive and charismatic than i thought he was.) But mind you not once did he compliment me, call me pretty or anything. all he said is “you’re a lot taller than i thought you’d be” but hes taller than me so that’s good. and most dates i go on, they never tell me im beautiful because most of the times they happen to be very shy but they at least compliment my hair or my outfit.

Anywho i got a text from my friend who was letting me spend the night, she told me she was about to head to bed and it was 3am at the time so i told him i had to head out soon then shortly after we started making out. then the foreplay happened for about 10 minutes???? and i am just now realizing i didn’t get wet at all which i think is probably not normal. (also i fear i might’ve been a bad kisser because i hadn’t kissed anyone in a while.) eventually, at one point he ate me out, then he fingered me with one finger then right after he excuses himself to the bathroom to piss. it was silent for about a minute then i heard him piss. i was worried he didn’t like the taste of me. maybe he had a mouth full of discharge lol but that really worried me. im scared i might’ve turned him off although im a clean girl and i literally showered before meeting up too so wtf?! then we dry humped and this guy is not even hard he’s semi hard and apologizes when i feel him.

at this point i was worried and wondered if he was even attracted to me. now looking back im thinking if he wasn’t then why would he have initiated all of this and went this far but maybe he just wanted to hit idk. then he fucks me raw and it’s small to the point it doesn’t hurt, matter of fact him fingering me was more horrid than this. i think he just fucked me semi hard but none of us finished and he asked me if i was a virgin halfway so im worried he thinks im inexperienced or smth but im sad things turned out this way and only lasted about 30 minutes lol. i think losing your virginity was just something overvalued by men to normalize it. this shit was honestly so underwhelming and stupid. we haven’t spoken since but i would love to text him. i just don’t know if it’s more embarrassing for me or him. i was the inexperienced one and i think i made this whole situation weird.

also as he was inside me my mom texted me so i had to end things. he orders an uber and continues to make out with me, offers to walk me out and i think he asked me to see him again like a couple times or maybe he didn’t. it’s honestly all a blur and none of anything that happened felt enjoyable, i blame my meds. although i have been off of them for 2 months… i felt that this part was important to include, maybe i read to much into this?

please let me know and be brutally honest 🙏

this is my first ever post on here so i don’t know if this will reach many people but i hope it reaches the right people. i don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this but i want to know the truth behind what happened.

a couple nights ago i went over to some guys place that i met on hinge with the intentions of fucking. we talked for a couple hours then when i told him i had to go soon we shortly started making out then it lead to him fingering and eating me out. when he was giving me head he only did it for a min then we kissed and he excused himself to go use the bathroom. i think i was a bad kisser too because this was my first everything. when he came back we made out again then i touch his dick and it was soft.. then he apologizes. what does that mean??? did i not taste good? did he swallow a load of discharge LMFAO? was it the kissing? was i not attractive?? my friends said he must’ve been nervous or tired bc it was 4am but i think it was me.

he then put it in later i don’t know if he was hard or semi hard but it was small lol. he was watching my face the entire time i was fake huffing and puffing then mid way asked if i was a virgin. i said “you can tell?” n he says “i think so?” why would he ask that and what was going through his head?? i think he knew i was faking it since he was small lol or maybe im reading too much into this. none of us finished and i actually had to go at that moment because my mom found out i snuck out. he kept me there to make out a little longer although my uber was waiting then he said we should do this again sometime about 2 or 3 times but he could’ve been lying.

can someone tell me if it’s embarrassing for me or him and why he was soft, what he could’ve been thinking, and if it’s safe for me to hit him up again. i actually didn’t expect to like this guy. he was actually just like me and turned out to be attractive. i did leave my charger there too and he is viewing my stories instead of ghosting me. what should i do?

im thinking if he wasn’t attracted to me then why would he have initiated all of this?!?