I (30) and my husband (34) are on vacation with his family. We just got married in January \~3 months ago. We’ve been together three years. It’s a very happy relationship.
The single exception is that my level of expression of how I find my husband attractive far outweigh his towards me. This feels relatively new.
The first symptom was maybe noticed a year ago when it felt like sex slowed way down. When we started dating it was like, every time we saw eachother, it was fireworks in the sack. Obviously that isn’t sustainable, but when it slowed down, and I begin to be the one solely initiating, I questioned him about it. His reason was just that we’re going steady and he’s simply more interested in home building than sex. I said I understood, and I did.
Fast forward to a few days ago, him and I escape the family and go out to dinner just us. I have been sending him nudes and they’ve not been reciprocated, I asked him why, and this lead me to saying directly something like “I just wish you’d be more expressive with me in your sexuality.” The conversations kinda went in circles but didn’t really resolve, but not in a bad way. It was a great date.
This evening, while we were out with his parents, the four of us got into a celebrity “are they hot” discussion. We were trying to define what sexy was in a general sense. I sarcastically asked my husband “am I sexy?” I expected an equally sarcastic “yes honey you’re the sexiest man alive” sort of comment but he point blank just said “no.” No humor at all behind his answer.
I mean. What the fuck. It’s 3 AM and I’m not able to sleep because I’m replaying these previous conversations with him when all along he just… doesn’t find me attractive? I just don’t do it for him? Part of me is like “this is so stupid it was just a quip” but most of me feels like the evidence is stacked that my new husband doesn’t find me attractive.
Mostly needed to vent. I guess looking for feedback on navigating my feelings.