WIBTA for distancing myself after my best friend got upset over my private wedding?
So I (21F) recently married my husband (22M). We’ve been together for two years and had talked about marriage for a while. In late May, we decided to elope and not tell anyone, including our parents.
At the time, I told my two best friends, Anna and Kate, that we planned to elope and have a bigger wedding after I graduate university. I didn’t give them a date. Only Anna responded, even though the message was delivered to both of them. Kate joined the chat the next day but never read the messages she missed(I’m assuming)
About a week before our planned date, our pastor suggested we at least tell our parents. We did, and both families decided they wanted us to have a small church ceremony instead of just going to a courthouse. Everything was planned in less than a week. I got my dress the day before and my hair done the morning of.
The day before the wedding, I sent them a photo of my dress and said that Id have a surprise fir them soon. After the ceremony, I sent photos. The only guests were my parents, his parents, his aunt, and his grandma.
Anna immediately congratulated me and was incredibly supportive.
Kate didn’t see the messages until the next day. She started with “I’m happy for you, but…” and then spent several minutes telling me how hurt she was that she wasn’t told. She was crying, and I apologized repeatedly, explaining that I had never meant to hurt her and that I had actually told both of them beforehand I just didnt give a date. Anna also reminded her that I’d mentioned the elopement plan months earlier. Kate got short with both of us and stopped responding.
I understand why she was hurt, but what bothers me is that she made the moment about herself. She barely acknowledged the wedding before focusing entirely on her feelings. It honestly put a damper on my honeymoon because I spent so much time feeling guilty.
What makes it harder is that Kate has kept major life events private too. We found out about her boyfriend months into the relationship through social media, and she didn’t tell us about starting a business until long after it happened.
I expected some people to be upset because almost nobody knew about the wedding. What I didn’t expect was this reaction from one of my closest friends.
Things have been awkward since, and part of me feels like if the friendship fades naturally, I don’t want to stop it.
So WIBTA if I just let the friendship die instead of trying to fix it Or AITA?
I’ve tried to reach out in the group and she doesn’t respond so..