u/Legit-artist

I used to pride myself on maintaining life long friendships. I was naive, I’m now 28 and struggling to do just that.

My hometown friends grew up in small town that I left when I was around 18. Few of my family members followed me and I made a new community in my new state during my years in
college. I also, always kept in touch with my hometown friends. Especially ones I worked with or shared hobbies with. There’s an incredible closeness there and many fond memories.

Back in 2020, I was a recent graduate and did my best to remain close to both my college and hometown community despite a pandemic. It wasn’t easy, I lost touch with a lot of people. But held on to who I considered were my best friends. Between 2021-2025ish I suddenly go through the major loss of two family members. In those years it’s another axe to my relationships. Some people completely ghost me, others I ghosted. But I held on to the relationships that didn’t feel like work as I was experiencing the fog of major grief. There were still a lot of friends from my hometown who were extremely supportive during those years. More than the friends I made in college. This was really devastating to me and still is.

This year has felt like my first year out of “the fog” and i’m seeing very clearly how shrunken my community is. I dont have the community i thought I would in this state. But I would never want to move back home. Especially without family members there. Even those friendships are not the same. I went to a hometown friends wedding recently, but was left out of every bridal occasion, and even little things like not being asked to be in pictures with girls I had grown up with since first grade. Being asked to take them instead. It was an awkward wake up call for me.

I’ve always had friends but coming from a broken home where I was told I wasn’t wanted. Was a mistake. I feel deeply unwanted. And I’m starting to project that in my friendships. It’s really coming out now that i’ve lost so many people. And im not sure how to recover or feel seen in a community of people I trust again. I’m scared it’s not even possible. But I am motivated to find a new tribe in the state I live in since I love it here. I love my partner, I love my job and the people I work with. I just need that small sisterhood or tribe of like minded friends that are not attached to, like, petty high school years.

I’m in my late twenties and I’ve returned to the workforce after an extended bereavement (1 yr). I work an entry level position, compared to the management position I had before bereavement. I feel stuck because I have no health benefits (yet), and I’m not sure if there is upward mobility. It’s also by title, a very generalized role. But I know I can do something specialized in analytic work. I’m seven months in, and I’ve had two financial analysis projects, one data tracking project, and two GIS projects. I’m slowly becoming more familiar with most of the softwares my department uses, and moreso than my coworkers. My value is being validated by my team and department leader, which I really appreciate.

But in my heart these goals feel like they have a fulfillment ceiling. Like this hard work just results in a nine to five and not a calling. I feel like im settling because I crave stability in my grief. But I am constantly fantasizing about pivoting to a more “fulfilling” career path.

Where can I get guidance? A job coach? Career coach? Appreciate all advice and recommendations.