My wife's stepmom accused me of grooming and continually attacks my marriage. I feel like there's nothing I can do about it.
I've been married for secen months. Things have gotten so heavy that I'm struggling with pretty bad depression right now (PHQ-9 at 15, feeling completely empty most days). A big part of it is my wife's stepmom and how my wife handles her. The step mom in question has accused me of being a groomer (completely false and incredibly damaging), disrespected my own mom, talked horribly about me behind my back, lied to me multiple times, tried to manipulate me, and a bunch of other toxic stuff I won't list here because it's a lot.
I’ve tried to be understanding about my wife still wanting some relationship with her stepmom, but family is complicated and the secrecy is killing me. She hides when they talk, doesn't mention things, and if I express how much this hurts or that I need some boundaries, she immediately gets defensive, cries, says I'm making her choose, or turns it into how she feels hurt. I end up shutting down and swallowing it all because saying anything leads to me having to apologize for my own pain. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a deep well.
I love my wife and I'm trying to honor my vows and my faith, but this constant exposure to her stepmom's poison + not being allowed to have real feelings about it is destroying me. I don't want to be controlling, but I also don't want this woman tearing our life apart. Has anyone dealt with a spouse who won't protect the marriage from a toxic stepparent? How do you set boundaries without it always becoming "you're making me choose my family over you"? Thanks for reading. I just needed to get this out somewhere people might actually understand.