Hi everyone. My dog was euthanized early this week from a cancer induced stroke. He was the best dog for me and my family; we complimented each other perfectly in every way. Until today, I have not had a single urge to smoke weed again as he is the only thing that occupies my mind for the majority of my days.
I started smoking weed regularly in August of 2025. It quickly escalated into daily use, and then multiple times a day. This continued until the night before my dog had his stroke. I did not smoke the day he was put down, but before then he has rarely seen me sober in his last few months. I feel extremely guilty about this, I wish I would've thought about being in the clearest headspace possible to spend our last moments together. I miss him so terribly, I thought I was at least a little bit prepared because he stayed alive WAY longer than he was expected to, and it gave me a long stretch of time to understand that his time was coming.
Today I am starting to get urges to smoke tonight. I am conflicted, ever since he passed away I have done my best to honor him by allowing myself to feel the love I have for him, the nostalgia of all the years we spent together, and the pain of his absence with no excessive stimulation. At the same time, smoking again to just catch a break from restless nights, not being able to sleep for more than 30 minutes, headaches from crying everyday, and not being able to enjoy most things sounds very appealing. I am very nervous about smoking after losing my dog. I couldn't envision a life after my dog and now I'm living it and I don't know what to expect if I decide to smoke again. I would definitely feel guilty doing it, but not being able to sleep and just to have a break to enjoy a game I was playing before he passed seems like it would do me some good (in theory). I am heavily against smoking multiple times a day like I was before this event going forward, and I plan on cutting it back to once every week or 2 as a way to honor my dog and do better for myself, as I would wish for those that outlive me. I just keep bouncing back and forth between both ideas because I don't know how I'd feel if I was under the influence for just tonight until the wound isn't as fresh.
I would also love to hear any of your experiences with continuing to smoke/quitting after losing a loved one if you're willing to share. Thank you.