u/Legitimate-Sugar716

So me and my gf have been together for a couple of months now. I’m a femme and she’s a masc. And like the other day we were talking about just our sex life and what is/isn’t working for either of us. And she told me she’s very happy with our sex life. But like she wanted to know if I was open to something. But she’s afraid i’m gonna think she’s trans. And I was like there’s nothing to be afraid of with me.

Long story short, she was explaining how like she really likes when I ride her when she wears the strap. And like she likes to be degraded more (which is hard for me bc I don’t like saying mean things lol). But she also like kind of struggles with her gender identity, especially when we have sex. Like she wishes she had a dick and she feels like it would be easier. And like in undergrad, she had went through this whole journey about thinking she was trans and then she realized she wasn’t and it was really just her endometriosis giving her bad gender dysmorphia so she got a hysterectomy, cool. When we first started talking, she got a breast reduction as well. Cool. And these things helped her feel more comfortable in her identity as a masc. And she was like having sex in ways that make her feel dominated in a masculine way and are like affirming her gender identity would be helpful.

We both identify as lesbians. And my girlfriend has told me she doesn’t want to change the sex she was born in. She just doesn’t necessarily always feel like a woman. And I guess I don’t know how to go about it. I’ve only dated other dom femmes personally so i’m not sure what dominating in a masculine way looks like. Like the first time we had sex and i put her legs up in the air, she told me she felt violated and she hates being tossed around in that way. And I guess if anybody knows like examples lol. Or like I love talking my partner through it. Like what I can say that’s more gender affirming. I know she really gets off when i ride her so that’s about as much as I have to work with.

It’s a new relationship dynamic for me to explore and she really prefers using the strap. And sometimes I worry i’m not like pleasing her sexually.

Hey guys, I wanted to pick your brain on something because I’m not sure how to feel/what to do about something. I’ve been with my current gf for a year now. We just had a convo about a week ago and she asked me if i’m happy with our sex life. In all honesty it is good but I personally have to like finish myself. And she basically told me she just has a lot of anxiety about giving head which is why she just doesn’t do it.

And like I had noticed in our relationship she only felt comfortable strapping me mainly. But I didn’t wanna ask because part of me felt like maybe she didn’t like my vagina due to comments she made about previous exes and how they tasted. So I was in my head about that the entire relationship. But from the moment we started talking she would always talk about how she enjoys giving head and making her partner feel pleasured in that way and riding her face, etc etc. And I guess i’m like, why say all these things if you weren’t actually comfortable with that? And now i’m just finding out you don’t actually like giving head. And she expressed some anxiety about like feeling like
i’m not sexually satisfied in our relationship. And she was like “well i can make myself enjoy giving you head” and I don’t roll like that at all so i said it’s just off the table. Bc that would also make me very uncomfortable. And she mentioned how i give her head and like if im gonna be fine with our dynamic being like that. And I said yeah, because genuinely there’s nothing you can do about it.

But idk it just left me feeling very unsure I guess. I’m not gonna leave my partner over sex i think that’s dumb. But I think for me it’s kind of like she puts me in a position where she feels bad because she feels like she can’t meet my needs. Which makes her insecure. Like she’s not open to toys outside of a strap because she feels like that means she’s not meeting my sexual needs. But then as a girl who doesn’t get off from penetration alone, you also do not enjoy giving head. And she’s made me feel very bad about touching myself. So i’m not sure what to do lol. Our penetrative sex is fine. I just think what i’m used to sexually vs what our sexual dynamic is…is different.

And i’m open to working with her of course, I love her. But I think our relationship has become very i’m accommodating on everything and therefore “accepting less.” And for example, I didn’t have sex with her one month because my period cramps were killing me and she kept talking about how I didn’t wanna give her head that month and it made me feel really shitty. So i’m kind of in a place where i’m not sure how to feel or what i even have the right to feel. Because Id never make someone uncomfortable because what they don’t wanna do sexually. But like Idk i don’t think i can be met halfway here so what do i do. But when it’s her needs, especially sexual, I personally feel like i go above and beyond to meet them. And the one time i don’t, i got a lot of heat for it lol.

Idk I think i also just feel low self esteem wise because she had made a comment about a time she had really good sex with her ex. And between that and just realizing she didn’t want anything to do with my vagina for our entire relationship…i feel shitty lol. I feel like something is wrong with me