u/Legitimate_Ask_1320

just wanted to vent a little bit. I don’t know why or how this happens to me but about 2 1/2 months ago I was just driving home from a photo shoot and suddenly my environment around me just felt different. It was literally like a blink of an eye, my surroundings felt different maybe just not . From that day on it’s just been a living. Hell I just don’t understand how I could possibly be normal after something like this or even if I could ever recover from something like the amount of time that I’ve obsessed over it the constant researching the going into groups and constant asking people for reassurance and trying to figure out if somebody’s been through something like this the exact same way that I have, etc. I mean, I got my emotions back. I got my appetite back. I started gaining weight again and I still just feel entirely trapped inside of my head. I don’t really know how to explain it. It just feels like I’m too overly aware of my existence at this point these past 2 1/2 months have literally felt like a blur and felt like three years. I don’t even remember what normal life feels like my perception of time is fucked. I guess I’m just looking for some hope or I don’t know. I’m really just venting to be honest with you like I’ve had this twice before in my life, but never this extreme ever. I had it for over a year when I was 15 and recovered then I had it for like two or three months when I was 24 and and I remember the similar feelings from those but I don’t remember it ever being this bad like I don’t know if I just scared myself so badly in the first few weeks that I this intense fear around but I think that’s what happened before when I had it I kind of just figured out that it was from anxiety or from stress and I accepted it, and I just continued to live my life and eventually it just went away, but this time I just obsessed over it and obsessed over it to the point where I developed this crippling, fear of depression and fear of death and fear of me never being able to live a good life again

I just wanted to hop on here and offer some reassurance to anyone and everyone in this horribly scary difficult situation. I’m not going to go into the depths of what I went through and how I’m feeling better but just know that it is possible.

I had every single symptom I think you could imagine. From losing my sense of self to losing every bit of familiarity with my reality. Walking on a cloud. Aggressively researching everyday and all day. Feeling like my world had a sick weird twisted filter to it and I was living in an upside down version of the world. Brain fog badly (still struggling with this). Sense of time being FUCKED (still dealing with this to a lesser degree). Yesterday feeling like it happened years ago. No vision of my future. Anhedonia BADLY. Couldn’t connect to joy or sadness at all. Insomnia like literally up for 40 hours some times. And many more.

I’ve had literally 4 different accounts on here so that I could post on all of them and get different responses. You almost certainly saw my posts. I went to psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, zoom calls with Sean O Conner from the DP Manual, anxiety gurus, etc. Now I’m still in this. I’m not saying I’m fully recovered here by any means. I’m still piecing myself together and trying not to slip back into letting these thoughts control me but I’m having more and more clarity everyday. My vision feels mostly back to normal, I still feel off but I’m okay with that. I am enjoying my life again. I noticed it starting to get better when I didn’t care as much about asking questions or even giving af about what I was feeling. I started becoming indifferent to these feelings.

My biggest and most absolute advice to anyone going through this like myself and I want you to listen clearly and I could really give af if anyone is mad about this. GET TF OFF THESE FORUMS. Get off of them immediately. Everyone on here like myself is on here because they are dealing with scary shit. Nobody who is healthy and recovered would want to come back and just read through this shit. This is my third bout of dpdr so don’t tell me I don’t know what it’s actually like. Yes mine have never lasted years upon years but that’s just how it is. I had it for a year and a half when I was a teen, another 6 months at 24 and now I’m over 2 months into this current episode. Again I want to reiterate I am STILL in this. But I’m at a point where I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t think or fathom a life in which this wasn’t here. Now I’m going a couple hours without even thinking about it, I’m in school working towards my degree, my business is doing great, and moving out in my own in a month. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care how long you’ve had this, anyone can recover from this. Time is the ultimate healer. Believe in yourself. Please god just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t recover fully, I can at least guarantee you a life that’s worth living because it DOES get better. Do not let it consume you friends. I am now going to completely stop visiting everything revolving around this sick and twisted anxiety symptom.

This is so extremely tricky to me. I’ve been trying to puzzle piece this all together the day everything changed about 2 months ago and it just doesn’t seem to connect with me. My experience didn’t come from drugs, it didn’t come from a panic attack, it was literally just like I was driving home from a photoshoot and then suddenly everything changed ? I kept saying that suddenly everything felt unfamiliar but I don’t even know if that’s the right word for it. It just felt.. off ? My hometown felt off, my home felt off but not unreal per se. My body feels like my body, my surroundings feel normal (kind of) but something just doesn’t feel the same? I can’t explain it any better. It’s like my brain just switched in that moment. I’ve had actual dpdr twice before this and I know what it feels like from experience and this just doesn’t feel like that? It’s almost as if maybe I did get dpdr randomly but it subsided and now I just don’t recognize that I’m back and normal like my brain forgot what that feels like so I’m just in this weird brain foggy limbo