u/Legitimate_Crab674

Hey Reddit,
I have to say I’m truly overwhelmed by the love and support that I have received. I have tried to reply to every DM and comment that I could. Since there were so many repeat questions I’m going to answer a few questions now. Trigger warning mentions of SA.

Unfortunately I do not have anything from my childhood with her signature on it. Everything that I did have is at my mother’s house and we are also no contact.

I did start an ancestry.com account and am trying to see if I can find anything on there. It’s going to take some digging but I’m hopeful.

For those who are in favor of me keeping the tattoo, absolutely not. Her joking and making a point of telling people that I will never know and that she’s had been forging that signature for so long that it didn’t matter if it was my GMs true signature is sick. It’s about body autonomy. I had asked for a document that had been signed by my grandmother. She gave me a document that was apparently signed at a doctor’s office. Meanwhile she knew that she signed that document. I wanted it to come from my grandmother’s hand, because I was putting it on my body. If you were given an autographed picture of your favorite artist only to find out that your cherished possession was a replica, would you not be upset?

For those who were wondering about my mother, she’s just as awful. I will say that just because things aren’t always bad, and sometimes your relationships can be loving, heartfelt and friendly, there are somethings you can’t come back from.

My mother knows my older brother SA’ed me. It went on for years. I spoke up about it many times. He kept my panties, many pairs as trophies and would hide them in between the mattress and the upper boxsprings of a bunk bed that he had in a shared room. She never did anything about it because my brother eventually moved in with my dad. Things got better for me after but it ate at me for years. My mom would say things like “I know you hate him, but he’s still my son” I would ask her to not bring him around when I visit. She would break that boundary.

After years of drugs and abusing the family he eventually agreed to give up that life style and move in my grandmothers home where Mel and her husband now lived under the condition that he had to be sober. She would pick him up while I was in the car to take drive him around while he took shooters of vodka to “help deal with my aunt and uncle” and ask me not to say anything for her sake. I was in a position to lie to Mel at the request of my mother for her own comfort.

There are more stories, I’m just highlighting these.

After years of therapy and having old friends reach out and tell me of the nightmares that my brother also put them through. I confronted my mother. I usually went out there with my kids on a specific holiday and as it got closer to the holiday my mother and I still had not made plans. She was avoiding me. Mel had kicked my brother out and he was not living with my mother (mind you he’s nearly 40 now) and she didn’t want me coming because she knew I didn’t want that predator around my children. While I was going through a separation I asked if I could move back with my mom and she said no, and that she would never have her kids move back in with her. I asked bc at the time the father of my children would make me feel obligated to sleep with him.

I told her I felt betrayed. She threw in my face “you forgave the father of your children” I didn’t. I reached out, asked her help and was told to deal with it. I will NEVER FORGIVE HER. Not only does she acknowledge the SA but she doesn’t care. She shares a church pew with someone who molested me for years and raped or SA’ed a few of my friends in their early teens.

A few days later Mel called trying to make things better. I told her my relationship with them is done. She made it clear that because she didn’t know the other girls he did this to that she didn’t give a fuck about them.

I don’t want any part of that woman on my body, I want every trace of them out of my life and I have my first session on Friday to remove the tattoo. It isn’t big so it shouldn’t take much.

Also if anyone has issues with my grammar, or paragraphs as some had pointed out last post, please go touch grass. Your comfort isn’t why I reached out to the internet and if it’s so important to you, go read something else. Luckily Reddit has many contributors.

Hi Reddit,
I haven’t posted much, but I am feeling so overwhelmed and I needed to share and vent with people who weren’t in my close circle. I have been through a lot and I feel like every time I come to them I’m just a mess, so here I am screaming into the void.

Just some back story. I am no contact with my family. It took years of therapy to really work through everything that they have put me through and I was finally strong enough to leave. If you want to know more on that crazy train I’m happy to share but on to what’s going on.

I (37f) lost my grandma in 2014. She was a tough woman, and she wasn’t always the easiest person to get along with. Amongst her colleagues and little friends she was known as, well a bitch. She loved me fiercely though. I was the only grand daughter in the family and she was good to me. She treated me like I was an extension of her and actually really sparked my drive. I owe a lot to her and as I got older I realized she wasn’t a truly difficult woman. She was stubborn with her boundaries with people, and though she wasn’t perfect often difficult women are labeled as so bc they aren’t pushovers.

After being diagnosed with cancer in 2007, my aunt (let’s call her Mel) stepped in to take care of her. We all tried to do our parts, but Mel was the lead caregiver. Mel and I had a very complicated relationship. Now we don’t have one. She’s a selfish and mean woman. She makes fun of people, and will even make gestures or jokes about other women while even in church. At one point I considered Mel a second mother, but once her lies came out I have never been able to see her the same way. Again I won’t go into all of the details, but she is a truly awful person.

During the time she spent with my grandmother she sometimes would forge her signature on things like checks. This I have to say was done with my grandmother’s blessing because at times my grandmother was too weak after treatment to do basic things like sign a check for bills. My grandmother had a BEAUTIFUL signature. It reminded me of old Hollywood. When she passed I had asked for a copy of her signature so I could have it tattooed on my wrist. I wanted to carry my grandmother’s name with me always. I triple checked with Mel to make sure it was in fact her signature. I asked for cross references and even checked with my mother and both said that it was my grandmother’s.

After I got the tattoo my aunt made a joke that it was more than likely one of her forged signatures as she couldn’t always tell which was which. Everyone lost it on her and she quickly took back what she said, saying it was just a joke. As you can image it didn’t go well as with everyone who was still grieving, and at the time it didn’t go over well with my mom who usually got stuck in the middle of our fights, but this time had my back 100%. Years went by and my mom would assure me that it was grandma’s signature but in the back of my mind Mel’s words stuck with me.
Flash forward to today, I have been working on rebuilding a relationship with a family member upon their request. We have talked through a lot of things. He brought up my tattoo and how sad he feels about it. It is Mel’s signature, not my grandmother’s and it’s been an on going joke with her for years. My mom tried covering up what she did to spare my feelings. That evil witch used a paper she knew she signed as a way to be apart of the tattoo. I have an appointment to start removing it. I am angry but not surprised. I’m mostly just so blown away that someone could do that. I don’t want any part of that woman on my body and to make it a joke on top of it really hurts. I couldn’t imagine how fucked up her kids would be if she had any of her own. I look at it and feel nothing but disappointment and disgust.

Thanks for letting me scream into the void. I just needed to get this out.

I posted an update. You can find it in my profile.