u/LemonMood

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Hi all,

I have a few questions, I will list them for those who don't have much time, and then provide context for those who want to read on why I am asking these questions.

1. Can you succeed as a part time student of voice (even if it takes longer)? I have a disability that makes me fatigued so I couldn't take a full course load, especially while working.

2. When is considered too old to study voice at the university level? Does it depend on your goals? I'd ideally like to become a voice teacher.

Context (sleepy ramblings actually):

I've been seriously working on my singing for about four years now and have been seeing a teacher off and on for much of that time, finances permitting. It was once my dream to go to university for vocal performance, and the teachers I've had over the years have been very encouraging of that goal. I probably would have pursued it, had I not started testosterone as a trans man a year and a half ago. As of now my voice is still really unstable (mostly cracking between registers), and I haven't been able to see my voice teacher in a few months as I've been in psysical therapy for my fibromyalgia and can only afford one or the other currently.

My voice changing wouldn't be a problem if I didn't want to go to uni for voice, and for a while I gave up on that dream as my voice isn't as beautiful as it once was, in my opinion (my partner would argue with me on that but the voice cracking has truthfully been demoralizing).

Lately I've been thinking of my dream to study voice again, against my best efforts to forget it in exchange for potentially persuing a speech therapy assistant degree (which is still not off the table and is more practical). However it may take several more years for my voice to really settle. And in the mean time, I am reaching 30 (currently 28). I just feel like by the time I am vocally ready, it will be too late, but maybe I am being a doomer. I just need some perspective.

Thank you to anyone who read this and sorry if anything is poorly written, it's been tech week for the community choir I'm in and we just had only our first performance of the weekend and I am dead tired haha.

Thanks to you fine folks, I've decided not to compromise for my family. You all had some really good points, some people even gave me the tough love I needed. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about my family's refusal to gender me properly. I'm thinking, potentially of visiting for my sister's birthday to deliver my ultimatum in person (gender/name me correctly or I won't visit anymore). It would happen not on the actual day of the party however, as that seems rude to my sister who probably wouldnt want her party ruined, as I suspect it will be dramatic. I already don't want to visit them anymore because of how they have treated my coming out, a refusal to respect my gender will just be the nail in the coffin.

If anyone has futher advice for me, I would love that. Thanks again to everyone who commented on the last post 💕

How did it go?

For context, during a text exchange, my transphobic mom said: "I understand your position but you have to let us be who we are also." Which is of course, deeply frustrating, but to some degree she has a point. I can't change who she is and what she believes in, neither can she change me. We are sort of at an impass. Either I feel shitty and depressed when I go to visit them due to the misgendering, or she feels shitty gendering me properly, because she believes she is feeding a delusion, and thus harming me. I am not trying to say transphobia is ever justified, but I understand how she operates.

I made a draft text where I elaborate in more detail and give my terms. Basically,

1. instead of calling me he/him, I will accept being called they/them exclusively (I already use he/they so this is much better than she/her). This way my family doesn't have to gender me either way, and I don't have to be called she/her unless on accident.

2. use gender neutral language to describe me, such as "child."

3. use a gender neutral nickname for me, which is a demunitive of my chosen name.

If they don't agree to these conditions, I'm going to stop visiting them and I stated such. I might visit one last time for my sister's birthday (I need to pick up some of my possessions at some point anyway and also I miss my sister).

I am a little iffy about #3 for a few reasons, but mostly because I don't feel physically ready to be called a gender neutral nickname as I only pass 50-60% around strangers currently. I don't want it to be seen as a girls name as it sometimes is used that way. However this is much better than being called my dead name.

I really don't want to lose my family. Maybe I've already lost them, but I don't feel ready to fully admit that. This is my last hail Mary before I bow out for good I think. If they can't do these three simple things, then I'll finally admit that they don't care about our relationship. I'm gonna wait till I talk to my therapist about this before I send it over, but I wanted to share here in case anyone has any stories or advice of their own. Thanks 💕