u/LemonadeBubblegum

One of my most frequent reasons I have panic attacks is from my death anxiety and a few minutes ago I just recovered from one. This one was different though. I don't remember what sparked it, but I started to feel my panic attack coming on. I started gasping and my stomach felt like it dropped ten stories through the floor. I was shaking and repeating to myself that I was going to die and the world seemed to tilt as I frantically looked around and started grabbing at things to ground myself to reality. It probably didn't last more than ten seconds but it felt much longer. It was one of the strongest attacks I've had in a very long time. But eventually I was able to stabilize myself and caught my breath. But almost immediately after it ended my whole body felt warm and fuzzy and suddenly everything that was worrying me before didn't worry me anymore. The type of death anxiety that I have isn't a sense of doom or death coming soon, it's more existential than that. I fear growing old and life passing me by and then dying and what happens after death. That's the root of my death anxiety. But suddenly, it was like all of my worries and questions were answered and I had this sense of calm and happiness just wash over me. Suddenly growing old and passing away turned into finding a forever partner, growing old with them, potentially having kids, maybe grandkids, reminiscing on old memories, passing away peacefully in a home full of love and not worrying about what comes after. It was like my anxiety just left and I was normal for a few seconds before the warmth faded away too. I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced this? As of right now I'm not panicking anymore but I'm also not calm like before. I've never felt that way before but it felt so nice. To joke it felt like my anxiety was like "here, have a sliver of happiness you've earned it after dealing with me for so long :)" And just to add, I don't frequently have panic attacks, I maybe have one every few months but when they happen they can be intense or silent. However, this euphoric feeling has never happened before, and to be fair, this was one of my most intense panic attacks, so maybe that's why. But I suppose I just wanted to share and discuss with others about this feeling and if it's normal. And yes I have a therapist who I can confide in as well.