u/LeoDragonBoy

Jumped into swinging and poly with my partner for some months ago.

We had a lot of fun! Learned things about our relation and ourselves.

But then, my partner met someone and fell in love with that one (or at least, having NRE and feeling connected).

From that moment, I'm done. My partner is texting almost 24/7 with this new person. And also getting lots of presents and stuff from this person.

Right now that person is on the other side of the world for reasons, but their texting is even heavy'er...

My partner still shows love and affection (really long relation)... That's why I don't want to end my relation.

But it feels so... Bad?

Can't ask my partner to break contact with this person (I can ask, already did have that conversations but they don't want to break contact. I can understand that).

Feels like I need to just choose for myself. But leaving all future plans (baby, marriage etc.) because of this also does not feel right because my partner still shows that they love me. And I love my partner also even more then ever...

What to do?

EDIT: thanks for all of the advice. And I apologise for the title confusion. to be clear, my intention is NOT to monkey branch or move out with NP to move in with another partner. It’s two separate questions, and I have been thinking about both. Somehow I have phrased this in a terrible way. I want to move our with current NP to live by myself, and in the FUTURE consider escalating with another partner.

De-escalating:

I’m thinking about my future and realising over the last few years that compatibility with NP is not something I necessarily envision long-term. If I were to de-escalate and begin escalating later with a secondary, how can this work? Is it possible to maintain relationship with NP without causing too much hurt? does anyone have success stories in this regard?

Escalating:
Also, are there steps to this? Would it be wise to try cohabiting with secondary a few days a week to see if it works? - even without this I still want to de-escalate with NP, but this question is more in regards to escalating with secondary later and seeing if having them as NP could work. I have been with current NP for 7 years, so really don’t know how it would be to escalate with a secondary partner, especially considering with poly that you don’t always see/know how it is to live with secondaries, as your time spent together varies so much from that of a NP. Catching sometimes only the good parts of dating. Sorry for the long post.

For any toilet humour enthusiasts, here are the two options you're being forced to choose between:

Option 1 - You no longer have bodily needs for food, water or rest. You can still do these things if you want, but your body now no longer requires food, water or sleep to survive. You also no longer pee or poo on regular days. However, if you kiss, hug, hold hands with someone or tell someone you love them, you will instantly poo and pee yourself simultaneously, without being able to control it. So, no peeing and pooing normally, except for if you express affection towards someone.

Option 2 - You now have to poo every hour for the rest of your life, except for when you're asleep. You're also now deathly allergic to all food except raw beans. Eating beans will provide you with the necessary nutritional needs you have. On the flipside, you'll now be able to see UV light.

Which will it be?

You are being forced to choose one out of 3 horrible outcomes for society:

Option 1 - The global human population will double overnight. Instead of 8 billion, we are now 16 billion. Half of the newly appeared people (respectively 25% of the total population) will secretly be AI, but they will be undetectable from the rest of the population. Now every time you interact with someone on the street there is a 25% chance they are a robot.

Option 2 - The global population of rats will multiply by 10 overnight. All rats will now be the size of golden retrievers. Killing rats will also no longer be possible. Anyone that kills a rat will die of an instant heart attack. Also, if a golden retriever-sized rat shows up at your door looking for food, it will be your duty to feed it. If you see a rat at your door but don't feed it, you will also die of a heart attack.

Option 3 - 50% of all people born after 2015 will turn into a pig on their 18th birthday and stay as a pig for the rest of their life. They will still have human awareness but they will be incapable of speech. Their lifespan will be that of regular humans but they will be indistinguishable from regular pigs. This, as I said, will apply to anyone born from 2015 onwards, including all future human generations. In all cases, the person will turn into a pig on the day they turn 18. It will be impossible to tell in advance if a child or teen will be one of the 50% that will become a pig.

You are forced to pick one of these 3 options. Which will it be?