u/LetPlastic

hey guys!

for context, i havent been in school for like 4 years now, but im planning on going back to college for occupational therapy assistant and i’ll be starting some classes in the spring but my core classes in the fall. right now im a caregiver and im making only $16.50/hr, but they just released dates for thunderdome and ive been wanting to go soooo bad but im worried about how it will interact with school and work.

tbf i dont know my class schedule yet, but is there anyone who is actively in college, with a pt/ft job who still has the funds and the time to go to festivals? is the vibe for me to figure out my school schedule first and maybe find a new job that pays more to afford what i want to do? am i being too greedy trying to do 2-3 festivals a year instead of my usual 1?

how do you make the time? are you in serious credit card debt? do you just suck it up and wait til the next year but still go to shows instead of dropping a ton of money on flights, figuring out pto, doing homework and tests early or scheduling them for later, what is the right way to do it or the way YOU personally like to balance these things?

sorry if its a silly question since i dont necessarily have all the pieces yet, im trying my best to navigate through adulthood.

thank you in advance! :)

kind of a rant/vent/advice seeking post, to those to read all of it, thank you in advance

ive been going to the gym every now and then with usually one of my girlfriends but as of recent, no one has been able to go with me so i just straight up havent been going. i try for like 2-3 times a week w my girls but i skip like two days in a row and suddenly i just forget about it for a week or two then i start going again and then the cycle repeats.

the issue here is that my boyfriend started going to his super expensive super fancy super loving and supportive gym again which is great! i love him and he really does inspire me to want to make the gym a habit, i just worry that maybe i dont actually want the gym for myself? i think a part of me wants to start going only because im scared im going to be perceived as “that really buff good looking guy’s mid ass chopped girlfriend” and that worries me. i know i struggle with self esteem issues, im already going to therapy for it and working hard to change my mindset, and obviously going to the gym would help, the issue is that i cant find the strength in me to PHYSICALLY GO by myself, so im stuck in this push pull dont know what to do loop.

i find it really difficult to not compare myself to him even though he was literally fat and worked really hard to lose the weight so he has about 3-4 years of gym experience on me, i just feel like such a lame girlfriend/person for being unable to stomach going to the gym alone. i WANT to go, i want to go so bad, but i pull into the gym parking lot and i have the worst cold feet to the point where im crying. my boyfriend has become my rave bestie at this point and we bought tickets to a music festival for next year and we both said that we would go back to the gym and lose weight together to be hotter, skinnier, better, and just overall healthier.

he does so well to give me reassurance and support in going to the gym by myself, i actually enjoy the gym, i love working out, i love the after effects, i love the soreness for days that make me believe that im doing something good for myself for once, its just literally walking INTO the gym that i struggle so hard with. i just want to feel like im good enough for him, i want to lose weight for myself too, but i just feel like im in 6th place and im trying to reach him all the way in 1st. comparison is the thief of joy he told me today haha, which is true, but how do i get past this? how can i make it into a habit that actually sticks? if i cant, am i just not made for the gym? do i truly not want it bad enough?

tldr; i feel like a crappy girlfriend for not being able to be on par with my boyfriends gym habits despite him having years of experience on me. how can i get past comparing where i am (a mediocre kind of beginner) to where he is?