Why lesbians need clear language to refer to female homosexuality
Reddit regularly censors homosexual women who try to talk about being homosexual, primarily because our existence can trigger the feelings of people born male who wish they were us.
A fellow lesbian recommended that I try speaking about lesbianism in this sub, so hopefully we can have a meaningful discussion about this here!
To my understanding, this is one of the few subreddits on Reddit that still "allows" homosexual female people to discuss how our sexual orientation actually works...without forcing lesbians to pretend that we can be attracted to some people born male (OMAB/observed male at birth), under any circumstances.
In truth, gay women literally can't make ourselves feel attraction to ANYONE born the opposite sex – even if lesbians wanted to change our sexuality to "homogenderal, aka, attracted to 'anyone who identifies as a woman' regardless of what type of sexed anatomy that person has" – even if we wanted to change our sexuality to this "homogenderal" orientation in order to satisfy MtF transwomen and queer activists, the reality is that as homosexual female people, lesbians are literally unable to muster up any attraction towards any OMAB person ever, regardless of whether an OMAB person identifies as a transwoman, and this hardwired female-only sexual boundary that lesbians have is not a choice.
Rather, as gay women, lesbians are wired to be exclusively same-SEX attracted – not "same gender identity regardless of sex" attracted. We didn't choose to be wired this way, and homosexual orientations genuinely cannot be changed to become "inclusive" of ANYONE born the opposite sex, trans or not. It is deeply homophobic when trans and queer activists not only insist otherwise, but also relentlessly attack homosexual women as "transphobic genocidal TERF N@zi bigots" EVERY time a lesbian tries to explain that: There does exist a distinct sexual orientation in women, historically and typically known as "lesbianism", which only ever involves "female people who are exclusively attracted to other female people."
In other words... I am a gay woman (a lesbian). This means that I was born female and homosexual. There are three defining, universal shared elements that all individuals with a homosexual female orientation (aka lesbianism) share:
(1) we are all born female/OFAB (observed female at birth), +
(2) we are all sexually & romantically attracted to other OFAB people, +
(3) we are all incapable of feeling attraction to any person born male/OMAB.
Within the last 10-15 years, TQ+ activism has increasingly overshadowed gay and lesbian activism (understatement). Additionally, more and more heterosexual (female-attracted) OMAB people have been transitioning MtF during this time period. And then, instead of just sticking to words like "transbian" and leaving homosexual female people alone in lesbian spaces, the vast majority of these female-attracted transwomen choose to call themselves "lesbians" too – co-opting sexuality-specific labels from an extremely small sexual minority (gay women/lesbians), despite the fact that female-attracted MtF trans people are born male + heterosexually attracted to the opposite sex, as opposed to female + homosexually attracted to the same sex as actual lesbians are. This boundary-violating behavior from female-attracted MtF people is definitely homophobic, and arguably misogynistic as well.
And in addition to this linguistic appropriation of homosexual female terminology/"lesbian" language, increasing numbers of female-attracted MtF trans people have also been relentlessly barging into homosexual female spaces (and then often effectively taking them over! see, e.g., almost every subreddit on this website with the "lesbian" label!), both online and in real life, within the past 10-15 years. And, since exclusively same-sex attracted OFAB people are an absolutely tiny sexual minority, objectively speaking – heterosexually attracted male people transitioning MtF can and do easily begin to outnumber lesbians specifically, when they flock to lesbian-specific and "sapphic" spaces.
"Sapphic" historically meant "inclusive of both homosexual and bisexual female people" – aka, individuals who fall into categories: (1) born female + (2) attracted to other female people, from the list of 3 elements above – and certainly was never a term that was meant to be "inclusive" of anyone born male, regardless of whether a male person identifies as a transwoman or not.
Thus, when female people were still able to organize, throw and enjoy attending regular "sapphic" parties for lesbians and bi women, and other events along those lines, it was specifically in order to celebrate and cater to women who are looking to focus on, and perhaps act on, female attraction to other female people. We stopped being able to do this when female-attracted MtF people began transitioning en masse and demanding access to EVERY "lesbian" and "sapphic" labeled space and event ever advertised in public anywhere ever, both online and IRL.
Homosexual women like me quickly received the unsettling and increasingly devastating message loud and clear: Whereas bars, spaces, parties and events labeled "lesbian" and "sapphic" used to be full of people like me– i.e., female people who are attracted to other female people – until I was about 21 years old in 2015...after that, spaces and parties labeled "lesbian" increasingly filled up with male people transitioning MtF, and accordingly, these formerly lesbian spaces became objectively too uncomfortable for homosexual women like me to even want to attend. So, most of us gay women just stopped going to so-called "lesbian" events full of MtFs post-2015. The bi women who had been participating in sapphic spaces specifically to act on attraction to their own sex also stopped going when MtFs flooded every "sapphic" space.
And the women who remained comfortable continuing to attend and participate in these formerly female-only (or almost female-only), "lesbian" parties and spaces, even (or sometimes especially) after males started flooding in, were either (a) bisexual with a preference for male anatomy (or at least no desire for spaces focused on attraction to female people specifically) to begin with, and/or (b) some of the post-2015 attendees in "lesbian" spaces are heterosexual women – specifically, female partners of MtFs who had girlfriends and wives before transitioning, and then pressure their straight or bi girlfriends to call themselves "lesbians" in order to help them feel more "validated as a woman."
By 2015ish, MtFs had largely succeeded in preventing women from continuing to organize in public around our shared attraction to women, without having to "include" male trans people/transwomen, in virtually all major cities that formerly hosted lesbian events (and having males attend in any significant number of course defeats the purpose of a "sapphic" event in the first place!) Lesbians who tried to continue hosting female only events got shut down as "transphobic" by every city's most vocal MtF activist(s), and parties and spaces that were publicly labeled "lesbian" increasingly became "parties for 'lesbian-identified' transwomen and their 'lesbian-identified', bisexual (or heterosexual) girlfriends" – but still with the "lesbian" and "sapphic" labels, despite not only including but further being primarily comprised of (a) OMAB trans people/transwomen, and (b) women who are capable of attraction to OMAB people who are trans, OMAB people who are not trans, or both (i.e., bisexual women and some heterosexual women).
I posted about this yesterday in the small "TERF trans truce" subreddit, which is geared towards debate and conversations between gender critical feminists vs transgender activists. That post is even longer than the one I'm posting here because it includes a "part two" – focusing specifically on lesbians' lack of attraction to male people, and defending our good faith interest, as gay women, in talking with fellow lesbians sometime about our natural repulsion to male anatomy and what specifically is unattractive to us, as lesbians, about the opposite sex. It makes sense that lesbians would want to discuss our lack of attraction to male people sometimes, especially in the context of "living in a heteronormative society that expects all women to be attracted to males", and it is absolutely unfair to gay women when MtF transwomen claim moderator positions in online "lesbian" spaces, and then instantly shut us down whenever gay women try to talk about ANYTHING from a specifically homosexual female perspective!
(i.e., MtF moderators on Reddit censor virtually EVERYTHING lesbian related that might inadvertently trigger transwomen's dysphoria to hear gay women talking about...in practice, this means that virtually EVERY topic that is ONLY ever applicable to people who are female & homosexual becomes categorically "off limits" in these so-called "lesbian" spaces that have become dominated by MtF trans people within the past decade. That in turn makes these formerly "lesbian" spaces absolutely useless to women who are actually homosexual, like us!)
"Making MtFs feel bad because they can't relate" is NOT lesbians' intention when we talk about female homosexuality; we're literally just trying to exist and communicate honestly amongst ourselves and with other people about how our sexual orientation actually works, as homosexual female people. Lesbians should be "allowed" to communicate these sexual boundaries we have in any space, but also especially when we're talking to each other in a so-called "lesbian" space!
I'm posting a screenshot with some of that additional content here for convenience, since this post is already way too long, but here's an excerpt:
>As homosexual female people, lesbians not only are unable to relate to the near-universally shared human experience of feeling heterosexual attraction and genuinely connecting with the opposite sex in romantic and intimate ways, we are also defying patriarchal expectations of women in relation to men every moment of our existence, even if we aren't trying to. In other words, not even being capable of feeling attraction to male people, as a female person specifically, is a uniquely and profoundly alienating experience for many lesbians as well, and a woman refusing to sexually or romantically engage with men EVER is not received as politically neutral even if we're not trying to be political. This is also a uniquely homosexual female experience that lesbians want to be able to talk about sometimes, in lesbian spaces, without MtFs shutting us down for making them feel "invalid" since male people can't relate at all to anything that is a uniquely lesbian experience (and many of these MtFs don't want the pesky existence of lesbians in "lesbian" MtF-dominated spaces reminding them of these categorical differences between us! Gay women are literally just a "TERF nuisance" in many transwomen's eyes, because our existence highlights what they aren't and what they wish they were. But that's not lesbians' fault!)
That "truce" sub is a very small subreddit, and I'm not aware of other homosexual female people actively commenting there aside from myself. So, it seems clear to me that it would be beneficial to start this conversation in a lesbian space as well, hence this post! I realize that I'm (probably) preaching to the choir with a lot of what I'm saying here, but I'd still love to hear more lesbian (homosexual female) perspectives on all or some of this. Again, I do apologize for the excessive length here. This stuff is important, and it's hard to be concise sometimes in light of how overwhelming and truly devastating the impacts of female-attracted, "lesbian"-identified MtFs have been on lesbian communities worldwide, both online and in real life.
If you disagree with anything I'm saying, and/or if you want to add anything I missed, please do not hesitate to add your input here as a fellow lesbian – and, additionally, I think it's critically important for lesbians, especially younger lesbians, to be able to witness gay women defending the boundaries of female homosexuality (which is another good reason to post this thread here specifically, IMO) ❤️
