u/Lift0791

I’ve been on long-term, high-dose powder for many years, and I’ve worked out hard pretty much my entire life.

One thing that has kept me attached to kratom is that it seemed to give me a strong boost for training, consistency, energy, and motivation.

It also helped keep my lean. Made it super easy to intermittent fast.

I’m getting ready to quit, and one of my fears is that PAWS will leave me with no energy to work out for a long time.

I know this may be the addiction talking, but it feels very real.

For people who trained hard while using: how much did quitting kratom negatively impact your workouts?

Did you have to back way off for a while, or were you able to keep training?

Just looking for real experiences from people who were active before, during, and after quitting.

For long-term high-dose users, was the fear of PAWS worse than the actual PAWS? 

What symptoms lasted, what improved faster than expected, and what helped most?

Been on Kratom many years.

Was well over 100GPD a year ago. Then 70GPD this past year. 

In my mind, I see my life falling apart once off it.

That i won't have energy to workout, which I’ve been super into for the better part of 30 years and found Kratom helped a lot with.

Fear that I will gain a bunch of weight.

Fear I won't have the energy and motivation and creativity to properly function in my career.

Or to be a good father for my little ones.

That won’t want to do… anything.

That the depression, which I have struggled before, will be crushing.

I realize this may be the addiction talking to try to convince me to stay on. 

And I have read that PAWS thing in the wiki.

I was just hoping for personal experiences regarding the fear and reality of coming off big long term after the acute withdrawal period. 
Thanks in advance.

For those who used high-dose powder for years and were still functioning — ex: job, family, exercise, responsibilities — what helped you finally believe life would actually be better without it?

I’m realizing that a huge part of what keeps me stuck is fear.

Not just fear of acute withdrawal though that scares me too. 

It’s more the fear of what comes after: PAWS, months of depression, no energy, no drive to work or create or workout, potentially gaining weight back, not being able to show up for work or my family, and feeling like I won’t be “me” without it.

I know that is probably the addiction talking, but after years of daily use, it feels convincing.

For those who were long-term/high-dose and quit:

What fears turned out to be worse in your head than in reality?

How long before you started feeling like yourself again?

What helped most with energy, mood, motivation, and staying connected to life?

I’m not looking for a magic answer. 

I’m just trying to hear from people who were deep into this with long-term high-doses, got out, and can tell me what life looked like on the other side.

I’ve been using kratom daily for about 8 years.

At my worst, I was over 100 GPD. About a year ago, I tapered over 3 months down to around 16 GPD for a major surgery, but after surgery I went back up. For a while now I’ve been around 70 GPD, all plain powder. No 7-OH. No real extract use except a small handful of times.

On the outside, I’m very high functioning. I have a successful career, a wife/kids, and a lot of responsibilities.

I eat very healthy, exercise every day, get early morning sunlight, meditate/pray daily, have hobbies I am passionate about, and take care of myself in a lot of ways.

At first, kratom seemed to help me focus, function, lose weight along with diet/exercise, and not crave harder opioids.

I have a history with other substances years ago, but I quit those in 2012 after brutal withdrawals and haven’t gone back.

But kratom has become its own prison.

The biggest issues are fear, secrecy, sneakiness, and isolation. Fear of running out. Fear of travel. Fear of situations where I can’t dose.

Planning life around it. Hiding it. Knowing I’m not fully the best version of myself for my family.

I haven’t hit some dramatic rock bottom like with other substances in the past, but I know this is not freedom.

Over the last six months, I’ve really started wanting out. I hate the idea of quitting, but I know I need to. And I am… terrified.

Now I have a medical procedure coming up which I need soon — a colonoscopy after a positive Cologuard — and that is forcing the issue. Because I take powder, I’m worried about the sludge affecting the bowel prep/clean colon.

I’ll have to go through clear liquids, fasting, and anesthesia.

I know medical advice needs to come from my doctors. I’m mainly asking for experiences and support.

I plan to be honest with the GI doctor/anesthesiologist and follow medical instructions. I’m also trying to find an addiction-medicine doctor who can help me handle this safely.

So I’m trying to figure out two things at once:

1. How to work with doctors to get through the colonoscopy prep without ruining the prep or going into major withdrawal.
2. How to use this as the start of actually getting off kratom long term.

Over the past few days I dropped from 70 GPD to about 45 GPD. Even at 45 GPD, I’m waking up about 5-6 hours after my last dose in mild withdrawal. 

My rough thought is to taper as low as I realistically can, maybe 15 GPD or less, then jump off when I can make space for it. But in the past, getting low and staying low has been hard. I got down for surgery, but I didn’t stay there.

I’m also trying to figure out the best way to find a good addiction-medicine doctor in California who understands kratom dependence.

I’m open to medical help if appropriate, but I’m not looking to be pushed into detox, IOP, residential treatment, or any rigid long-term program unless medically necessary.

I’m looking for an outpatient doctor who can help me taper, plan around the colonoscopy, and coordinate with GI/anesthesia if needed, and get off this stuff.

I also plan to go back to a 12-step program, which helped me stay off other substances in the past.

Questions:

• Has anyone here tapered down from very high powder use, similar to my doses, and successfully quit?
• Has anyone dealt with a colonoscopy while tapering off powder? How did you coordinate it with your doctors and handle the prep?
• How would you find an addiction-medicine doctor who understands kratom dependence and won’t automatically require detox, IOP, residential treatment, or a rigid long-term program?
• What helped most with the fear of not having access?
• How did you handle work/family responsibilities while getting off?

I know I need to do this. I’m committed. I’m just trying to find the most realistic path that lets me keep functioning, get through this procedure safely, and finally stop living around kratom.

Thank you for reading.