u/LightsOutInsideOut

I (28 they/them) am rethinking my relationship with my girlfriend (23 she/they).

We are both new to polyamory and agreed from the beggining this was the relationship agreement. We agreed on starting with parallel poly with the objective of doing garden party poly.

We met back in october (8 months ago) and have been seeing each other sexually and romantically since. We took it slow and made it official back in march (4 months ago).

We both went through very intense stuff during that time and supported each other through it. I had to sue my employer and her mom got really sick. So far it has been a good relationship and we have been able to work through and repair after small conflicts.

Two weeks ago, while i was studying for a very important exam, she asked me if i minded if a girl she has been getting to know came to a party we had planned on going to. The agreement we had in place is to not have two partners/dates at the same time in the same place. I am not against meeting metas at some point if it becomes serious, but the fact that it was sprung on me when we had that agreement in place, 3 days before said party, and during my studying, really messed with me and my concentration.

I hadn't been able to process my feelings until now because of the stress of the exams + results. But I am deeply hurt.

I have been lurking in this subreddit for a while, have read books, know the lingo, have worked on myself and my self-regulation, etc. She hasn't "studied" polyamory.

One more thing is that when asked what kind of polyamory she wanted to practice, she told me hierarchical, while I want to do non-hierarchical / RA. But when we talked about what that meant, her answers reflected more RA values. Once again, she doesn't really know what the labels mean exactly and needs to do research.

At this point, I am very hurt because the first time the agreement we had was made relevant, she questioned it because she was reacting. She also tells me too much information about how it goes with the other person. I have been the one to put limits on what she tells me, but she doesn't seem to put limits herself and relies on me to do so.

Should I cut my losses or give her a chance?

I want to talk to her because it seems she understands where she messed up. But what I don't want is for her to make another mistake that causes me hurt and that was very avoidable (like this one).

Thank you, dear community 🙏🏻