u/LilShiv777

My perception and experience keeps switching so that I literally see everything clearly and feel lighter to everything becoming blurry, I feel tired and feel disconnected from others. I know im switching between the ego and HS. Im so much in my head trying to reach or maintain this state of the holy instant. Im tired but i dont wanna sleep cause i dont wanna give in to the idea of weariness. Right now I should be going to kickboxing practice but I just wanna skip it and sleep. But I feel guilty skipping cause it means im lazy and giving into "death". My everyday life is a mental struggle I hate this shit.

I have been trying to be better, trying to follow the course, watching videos of different teachers. And I've been condeming myself for not living up to those teachings. These thoughts I have learned from the course just bouncing in my head of how I should think or how I should act or behave or see the world. Then I finally just said fuck it and released all these thoughts. I laid down in my bed and just started telling myself that Im loved, im okay, it will all be well. This voice of love came through and I cried in the most loving way. I was comforted. I was held. It was not the usual voice of self condemnation. But it came through when I finally let go of what I have learned externally. I dont know how else to put it. But I said to myself that I dont even need to follow the course, which I have put on a huge pedestal. This voice was pure mercy and love. Telling me I deserve all the good things. It was the voice of the Holy Spirit but I heard it when I let go of all the context I had learned. I just wanted to share that this voice of love is with us all and its not depended on anything, not even the course. Not on anything we can learn or whatever any teacher says. You are all loved no matter what.

Hello bros! I have moments of clarity where Joy and peace appear and I become willing to communicate and contact my brothers, whatever I do becomes easy in fact, expression flows. But now I'm in a state where I feel fear, guilt, shame. I fear contacting anyone cause my experience is that my presence and lack of love hurts people around me sometimes so I isolate and try to heal before I contact anyone but the sense of separation and guilt just grows. Everything gets blocked. My friend wants to finish a few songs we are making together but those songs are about smoking weed and I dont resonate with that right now but I feel like im judging and separating from my bro and I'm afraid to tell him. I feel like a loser in so many ways. Constantly offending everyone by my weakness and just sinking deeper into separation. I dont even know what to talk to people about my life feels so empty. Bruh. Yesterday I felt inspired to start making videos where I share my thoughts and also sharing art but now i feel so blocked.

I have had real difficulties lately. I have been judging myself and everyone for the smallest things. I have been feeling guilty, alone and hopeless. I knew I was doing it to myself but I could not stop. I felt like every interaction I had with everyone was full of mistakes and condemnation. Then I took some shrooms and offered the trip to the Holy Spirit. The effects were full on and I was trying to fix myself, fix my pain. Nothing changed until I honestly asked myself: "How are you feeling?" My answer was simply: "I feel bad". Then came so many tears. I held myself, cried and started to feel better. I was no longer trying to fix myself. There was nothing wrong with me, I just felt bad. Until I felt good again! The world had not changed, same relationships, same crazy videos online but I was happy! Now im laughing at behaviors I used to judge! Im accepting all the different expressions I see around me! I realize that no action, or word, or deed or thought or judgement can separate us from love! Bruh I was projecting so much into every situation trying to prove that im GUILTY! There is still work to do but I will go on way lighter with Joy and Trust! Thank God we are all innocent. Thank God I was wrong about myself. I wanted to share this happy moment with you guys! I'm grateful to you all and grateful of this community and grateful of Acim and HS and Jesus and everything! Thank you! My next big lesson will be in making music, I keep judging myself for not expressing myself well enough!! Hmm maybe im trying to fix myself instead of just being honest. Well wish me luck 😁

Hello bros! I have no idea whats going on. I have had experiences of true sight where I see beyond the body and experience everyone as love. I have been so happy and open and defenseless. Now it seems like I have backtracked thousands of years. A few experiences come to mind where I was not able to connect with my brothers and I notice my unability to love them, be joyous with them and accept them, hurt them. I have not felt this isolated in years where reaching out to anyone feels impossible because of the amount of fear and guilt I hold. Some anger came up and it helped a bit but idk it feels like I have done such bad and trecherous things. Hurt everyone around me. Bruh. I havent said anything bad or done anything bad but I know my lack of communication and lack of love has hurt the people around me. What is this? Repressed guilt coming up? Or did I seriously backtrack tons by making poor unconsious choices? This journey feels endless. Please God take us all home.