u/Lil_Trigga77

Since I (24F) was about 13 I’ve had sleep paralysis almost every night several times a night to the point I’d be scared to go back to sleep on top of being so exhausted from not getting sleep as soon as I made myself wake up I’d pass right out despite how terrified I was. I’ve had terrible nightmares about Hellish things and evil people doing disgusting things and even myself doing terrible things and it was all so real. In the sleep paralysis dreams they slowly advanced over time between being stuck to my bed trying to trash and scream but being unable to, to being able to roll out of bed but I could only crawl on my hands and knees, then I could run, then I began being able to explore my city but something always followed me and stopped me because I knew it was evil and I shouldn’t be there. I’d find my mom and see her sleeping and scream and beg for her to help me but she would never move and it felt so real I’d ask her if she heard me the next day. My dreams evolved out of sleep paralysis and I’ve experienced demons torturing me and men and women raping me or torturing me. Being stuck in hallways or giant maze like houses filled with horrific creatures. Being trapped in the woods while alligators ate me alive. Demons eating me or burning me with their fiery skin and tearing me apart with their knife sized claws. Every dream Im always lucid and can feel everything as if it were really happening. Sometimes the demons would appear as my boyfriend who I was sleeping next to and I would wake up and they’d kiss or hug me and then just start ripping my flesh apart with their teeth and it never ended. I thought it was real life and I was there so long it felt like eternity. But I would wake up and then I’d see them and they’d look like themselves just the same as the dream so I would relax. Then they’d kiss me on the mouth and move to my neck but I always I felt the teeth again like daggers. I started realizing that if I was woken up to a kiss I was about to tortured endlessly and the terror started coming immediately as soon as I opened my eyes even if I was actually awake because the dream would replay over and over again until I would lose count every single night until I got away from that man. It happened a few times with the father of my child years later too but it stopped thank God and we were together for three more years after that. I’ve slept beside other men before and never experienced it again. I don’t understand the meaning but there must be one because normally the demons just show their true form or disguise themselves as beautiful women I’ve never met. I’ve started fighting them. Sometimes I dream about killing someone or a whole killing spree even though I know I would never hurt so much as a plant. Ive watched with no control as I ran through houses and killed everyone inside with an automatic (I’ve never shot a gun) and as I hacked groups of men apart with a machete. When I was 6 I had my first nightmare than I can recall where a man chased me through the bus station and raped me with a knife. One time I swear I saw the devil, it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. Just a glimpse and I was so scared as soon as I looked in his eyes I woke up but it felt like I was waking up from dying. And I had the same thought screaming in my head over and over Gods not real Gods not real and I believed it with no reasonable explanation because I had seen Satan. I was tricked. Satan wouldn’t exist without God so how would I even logically think that? But I was so convinced. I’m a normal person though. I never hallucinate or have anger problems or dangerous impulses or notions. I struggle really hard with depression/suicide, despondency, somatic/chronic pain, and substance abuse but I don’t understand where my brain would create all these things. My brain will dream up huge cities and country sides and foreign worlds that I’ve never seen before and I’ll relive memories in places that are perfectly detailed that I never remember being there or it having happened. My brother told me a lot of stuff happened when we were kids and I have caught fragments but it’s so hard to believe because my memory is so empty. I have a a perfectly vertical scar on my right wrist like a scalpel cut me it’s 1/4 inch wide and 2-3 inches long as well as a few deep horizontal perfectly straight scars going all the way across my mid back and surrounding and in between those are fainter scars that are diagonal and clearly not as deep as the others were but just as long. There are so many of those and I feel them start to hurt sometimes. My family tell me they have no explanation and my mom tried to throw me off about everything I ask her. It’s not fair. The scars have to be at least before I was five. I don’t know I’ll probably remember weirder dreams I’ve had but that’s it for now. Has anyone else similar experiences or just weird dreams or nightmares?