Have men never met women who are turned off by toxic behavior, and immediately leave a guy who shows toxicity? Are the only people successfully getting women toxic men in your life?

Because it’s quite a headscratcher to claim women reward bad behavior but all sorts of women exist, and plenty of women have no tolerance for that nonsense. So with 4 billion females living on earth, how is it that men seem to only know one type?

The weirdest thing I ever hear is guys claiming they thought women were the sweet and wonderful creatures, which is really weird because most children in the watched Disney movies. The earliest Disney movies had female villains. There were movies was women being the most vile characters in the movie. One woman is literally called a Cruel Devil. 

Even the Bible had women doing terrible things. A woman is blamed for eating from the Tree Of Knowledge because her husband didn’t infantilize her enough. Lot’s wife became salt because she looked back at the city, wont even bring up what Lot’s daughters try to do. Samson was betrayed by a temptress. Abraham’s wife Sarah pressured him to sleep a servant to take that baby as their own, then told Abraham to kick them out when she got her own baby.

Also, what happened in real life? You’re telling me you’ve never met a bad woman or an annoying little girl ever in your life? In my country of America there have been plenty of news throughout the decades of evil women being in spotlight, abusive female teachers, Casey Anthony,  Amber Heard, Colleen Ballinger, etc.

It does give off the vibe that a lot of men will actively refuse to look at reality. 

That’s something that’s always interesting. A lot of these men will pity themselves and talk about how women don’t understand the hardships of men, until you really get into the type of women they like.

Nice Guy rhetoric.

They never want to address why they’re so obsessed with women who have no sense of morals when it comes to choosing men. They never want to admit that says something really bad about the women they want, because then it looks bad on them that they want those women. So then they swear that these are good women, even though these women are quite fine being around guys they know where pieces of shit just because he’s hot. I would never call that a good woman. She’s shallow and terrible. Also, these guys never care about morals when it comes to them picking women. So they want women who don’t give a shit about morals to give a shit that they are less bad than the guy she’s already choosing. It never occurs to them that it shows that she doesn’t give a fuck about morals.

“I cant help who Im attracted to”

Now this is the broader version of the nice guy rhetoric. Their grievances sound sympathetic until you realize they’re picky with what they want. They get absolutely offended when you suggest they should change their standards, and yet the grievance is about how women won’t change their standards for him. So then their grievance about how hard dating is revealed to be a sense of entitlement. They feel like it’s an injustice that the women they want don’t want them. Then, they want people to hear it and validate them, but wanna get offended with people tell him how shitty his mindset is.

It’s like pulling teeth getting men to admit what they’re actually looking for.

It’s like it never crosses their mind to think really hard about what they’re looking for. Or maybe they know it just looks bad, as I said in number two. But assuming that it’s not number two, these guys seem over emotional, where how they feel supersede reality and logic. Assuming it’s not number two, these guys seem to have a very low personality standard for women, until her personality issues become annoying on a date. An example is guys who complain about playing jester, I noticed that a couple of them are more obsessed with getting to the date instead of making sure she’s interested in him before the date. But I do feel like it’s because they don’t want to admit they want the validation of a hot girl and these hot girls know that he’s easily replaceable.

Your expectations of what you want from women might narrowing you options.

Alot of guys wont admit they want just want their dicks wet as soon as possible, so they wanna get mad that they “wasted time” dating a woman thats not interested in fucking a guy she met 30 days ago. Similarly, there are guys who pretend they want love until you press them and they imply they just wanna be sexually validated. I don’t understand why guys don’t think that’s stupid. Most women dont orgasm during casual sex and most guys arent attractive enough to get a like porn-like reaction from. That explains why these guys will compare themselves to attractive, assholes and not regular guys. They don’t want to be regular guys, they want to be the guy women want despite how terrible he is.  This is also why a lot of men want fickle women with weak moral conviction. it’s an ego boost when a woman says one thing it makes an exception for him. It makes him feel special instead of thinking she just lies to make herself look good in public.

Conclusion

So I think I already talked more than enough on this topic. So I’ll just conclude it by talking about how a lot of men’s complaints about women go out the window when you tell them “what if you change your standards?” and suddenly they don’t sound as desperate as they initially pretended to be.

I'm tired of guys blaming society gender norms for chasing self-destructive and toxic behavior to be seen as "manly". It's the current year 20% of Gen Z is LGBT. So 20% of the current generation has said "fuck your heteronormativity" despite places like America not having the best protections for them, but somehow a straight cis man feels "forced" to abide up standards that people think are toxic and leaves him emotionally constipated? That is a choice.

Also, you'll listen when society says "Be strong", "Dont be bitch", "Never show emotions", "Chase pussy for validation" but dont want to hear when society says "Toxic Masculinity",
"No, you are acting like a bitch", "Stop thinking with your dick all the time", "If you cared about male friendships the way you care about pussy, you wouldn't be so lonely", "Therapy is good thing to get because alot of you guys haven't healed, emotionally".

Also, alot of guys dont like hearing their obsession with masculinity makes them look 12. Like they're still to be the coolest guy in middle school when he's now a grown ass man.

I bring this up because I find it interesting when people don’t like when I bring up perks versus flaws. 

“Women moralize dating” yet the people complaining “someone worse than me gets attention that I wanted, why wont the opposite gender reward me?!” are typically male. All this talk about the reality of dating, but not looking at a simple cost benefit analysis.

# Why should people want you around?

That is the most simple question that can tell people the REAL redpill about dating. If you have no benefit, why should other people want you?

Not being a violent felon isn’t that hard to find because most men aren’t violent felons. 

And the red pill really likes to oversimplify stuff into this black-and-white thinking when it’s really people are a bundle of traits.  And you will be judged by your bundle of traits.

But that reality is too harsh for a lot of guys. They want to hear that they’re better than the hot felon and that it’s unfair that they don’t get women, but the hot felon does.  

# Also, different people want different things.

This should’ve been the most obvious thing a man realized about dating, but for some reason, a large portion of men haven’t realized this. Probably because they’re misogynists.

So if two guys are assholes, women who don’t want assholes will choose neither of them. However, women who don’t care that they’re with assholes, will judge them on other traits. So a shallow woman is going to choose the more attractive asshole.

So no, it’s not JUST about morals and JUST about attractiveness. In this case, its a combination of both.

Similar problem when guys claim shy socially awkward guys don’t get women. First of all, stop going after extroverted women. Second, there is a difference between shy and cant hold a conversation. There’s a difference between socially awkward and not knowing how to behave/speak appropriately.

A social awkward guy thats actually sweet and considerate is not the same as a socially awkward guy that sounds like Trump and is unapologetic about it.

It’s also why people don’t believe guys when they tell their side of the store when it comes to being single. “Im such a nice gentleman but because Im an introverted gamer, no one like me”. And notice how that would be a lot different from him admitting “Im a highschool dropout, I still dress like Im 12,  Im morbidly obese, and the woman I want have nothing in common with me….but I dont beat women and I pay for dates!”

Even without being an asshole, that’s a lot of hard passes women would have. 

My point is a lot of people don’t actually want to understand dating. They just want a reason to feel like a victim and a martyr because they think not getting the lover they wanted is some sort of societal injustice.

Because 99.9999% of females have never told the male population “If youre bare minimum decent to a woman, it’s your God given right for her to date you and find you sexually attractive. AND EVERY SINGLE WOMAN has the exact same taste in men”. I kept waiting for guys to show me where women said anything like that, they can’t. Because they made it up. They heard what they wanted to hear via motivated reasoning and got mad at everyone else. but themselves, for the lie they fed themselves. At best, its the men in Hollywood and anime writing those types of plots for male consumption, but of course guys arent going to admit they blindly believed a power fantasy and needed an excuse to be very angry that the fantasy they thought was realistic, wasn’t realistic.

“But women will claim a guy is single because he’s an asshole”.

1. Not the same thing. Not even the same combination of words.
2. its actually “You're acting like an asshole, so its not surprising you’re alone”.
3. A normal adults would not choose to be around a person deeply unpleasant, and assholes are typically unpleasant to be around.
4. The extended version of what they’re saying, is that “Most guys typically have nothing to offer if their personality sucks. So there’s no benefit to dating you.”

Finally, please tell you think this comment is weird: “It’s not fair Harley Quinn wants the Joker while Im nicer than him!”

Because that’s how it sounds when guys get upset that the fans/girlfriends of violent felons arent impressed by how nice some other guy is.

It's similar to "Well, everyone lies". People lie about the small things, you lying about big shit is not okay by most people's standard. That's the problem with assholes. So many, if not most, lack self awareness and will argue when you explain why people think they're assholes.

Self interest is you being your main priority. Selfish is you being your ONLY priority. And I don’t know how someone’s understanding of society seems to forget that humans are social creatures because it helped us form societies and survive longer. So remember pseudo intellectuals, being a problem to others is a very big deal. 

“But I see bitches, assholes, and violent felons that get dates!”

Perk vs flaws. Do you have perks that others can benefit from that are rare to find in people? If no, why should people tolerate your flaws?

Also, being selfish and stupid is a bad combination that leads to a person being loser. Specifically, being selfish and short sighted. Being considerate of others isn’t always about doing the right thing, it’s understanding consequences of one’s actions and understanding whether or not being considerate might help in the long run. With people who struggle with others, they don’t have this cost benefit analysis. 

It’s usually be a selfish asshole, then people don’t like the selfish asshole, selfish asshole is upset that they can’t be selfish asshole with impunity, repeat being a selfish asshole because they think they did nothing wrong.

So remember, being selfish is a problem to most people, and so is being stupid.

The typical complaints about the male struggles in dating;

“How come these guys get matches/responses but not me?”

“You just see fairly normal profiles of dudes looking for long term relationships, hardly getting any matches…”

“Overall, they just seem like dudes trying their best.”

To summarize on my part:

“Nobody wants to date me and I don’t know why Im not that bad of a guy, the guys worse than me seem to get a date and I can’t get any. I would never do the terrible things those guys did that women have bad experiences with, but women won’t even give me a chance.”

The moment they hear “lower your standards?”, then they sing a very different tune:

“I have to be attracted to her.”

“I’m allowed to have standards.”

“I shouldn’t have to settle.”

“You can’t force attraction.”

Before “lower your standards?” the framing is:

“Women are too picky.”

“Normal men can’t get a chance. They barely get matches.”

“Dating is unfair to men while women have an abundance.”

“Women dont look past superficial things like looks and resources!”

Just zero sense of introspection to see how hypocritical that attitude is. And I think men know that they’re real complaint isn’t “women will give terrible assholes a chance, but not decent men like me a chance” when its actually “The women I AM WILLING TO DATE dont want me and choose bigger assholes over me”.

That’s why a lot of these guys get labeled as entitled, narcissistic, and misogynistic, because who do you think you are acting like not getting the women you want it’s some sort of injustice that women are imposing on you? Who are you to talk shit about the entire female gender just because THE SPECIFIC WOMEN YOU WANT dont want you? Now, to explain to guys why they sound terrible:

Egocentric: You only care about dating from your own perspective. YOUR attraction only matters. YOUR standards only matter. YOUR loneliness only matters. But the woman’s attraction and standards suddenly become a problem because they inconvenience you.  It’s such main character syndrome.

Entitled: You are treating not getting the women you want like an injustice. It’s not simply “dating is hard” like normal people  do. Its you criticizing the whole gender because THE SPECIFIC women you want. “Wah, I only get 3% matches!” well, matches go both ways.

Misogynistic: You apply a double standard specifically to women. In addition to the entitlement and ego-centricism, is the double standard. You want women to recognize how great of a guy you are, but you don’t give a fuck about recognizing how great of a woman someone is. You want women to be more open-minded to date you, but you’re not gonna be open minded enough to date more women. And it does come off as a sense of superiority.

Keep in mind, not being a violent felon is something most guys can accomplish. Also, women can find men who don’t have such a nasty attitude towards women.

“But my standards are reasonable!” says who? Says women? Or says you?

Because so many guys have brain rot from social media and porn, they think hot women look average and average women look ugly. Meanwhile, the women they think are stunning is actually AI, Photoshopped, or professionally done pictures.

And there is the possibility contradicting or narrowing preferences, even the ones they don’t know they’re doing. For example, the guy who swiped 2 million times on Tinder and got one unsuccessful date. He stated in his profile that he only wanted women interested fishing. He also has 33 snakes, so he’s definitely going after a nature, loving woman. No another big problem is that he has a sweater that says sit on my face. So he basically wants a what would who loves nature and doesn’t have a problem with him wearing vulgar sweaters in public. I can’t imagine why his dating pole became a puddle!!! I CANT!

Like I have always said, a man who is truly starving for options, and will take any woman, is a man who will get a girlfriend. Look at my 600 pound life. It’s always suspicious how a guy talks about how he looks good on paper and allegedly has all the traits women are looking for, but somehow women don’t want him. Typically because he’s not telling the whole story.

It’s so weird for guys to complain about how ugly women think too highly for themselves just because hot guys wanna sleep with them, but never commit. 

If these guys had an abundance of high-quality options, they never would need to entertain the low quality options. So either theyre not as attractive or high quality as guys think they are. OR, what I always say, hot women won’t fuck them without commitment. These guys wanna be “loved for who they are” (that dumb euphemism) but they can only get that love from low quality people.

I don’t know why guys think that it doesn’t show that man is desperate. Because if he wasn’t desperate, he would never entertain women he find unattractive. Now, there is a two other options. These are attractive women and you personally dont find her attractive. Or sex with her is awesome even if she’s not the prettiest, meaning she has a reason to think highly of herself.

Also, just like you guys have decided those women are ugly or low quality, that’s for the woman to decide if the guy she’s with is attractive or high-quality.

This is more of a problem for men because immaturity doesnt seem to hurt women’s dating prospects quite as much because plenty of men will overlook it, be it desperation or horniness.

With a lot of chronically unsuccessful men, “immature” is the simplified problem. What I’m really seeing is grown adults still processing emotions, responsibility, fairness, etc in the way I see a child process these things.

I think it shows up in five major ways.

1. Motivated reasoning

Already described it, not gonna spend too much time on it. I think this is the worst part and the most devastating problem to one’s social. Their emotions determine what reality is allowed to mean.

Someone can directly tell them what she thinks, wants, or meant, and they’ll still mentally rewrite it into whatever supports the belief they already have. That makes conversation exhausting really quick.

2. Failure to update childhood thinking

Children are given simplified explanations because they’re children.

“You can be ANYTHING you want! Just set your mind to it!”

“Work hard, go to school, and good things will happen!”

“ Just be nice to girls and they will like you back! Girls love a gentleman!”

You’re supposed to spend adolescence and adulthood adding nuance. Yet some adults remain genuinely resentful because something they were told in elementary school wasn’t a complete description of adult life. At some point, why do you need somebody to explicitly teach you how to think like an adult? The biggest problem, you shouldn’t be looking at these things as guarantees, nor should you get so bitter and angry that they’re not.

That’s also why I find the belief that people dont change to be concerning. You shouldchange. If you’ve gone through childhood, adolescence, jobs, friendships, relationships, failures, and consequences and very little has changed about you, that’s a red flag.

3. Lack of accountability and introspection

You cannot learn from a mistake you refuse to recognize as yours.

A mature person can ask:

“What did I contribute to this, and what should I do differently next time?”

An immature person keeps asking:

“Who did this to me?”

So they repeat the same mistakes, experience the same consequences, and accumulate grievances instead of lessons.

It’s like repeatedly putting your hand on a hot stove and eventually becoming angry that people have stopped pitying you and started asking why you refuse to stop touching it.

A mature person can experience twenty failures and gain twenty lessons. A perpetual child can experience twenty failures and gain twenty grievances.

4. Main character syndrome

Toddlers are naturally selfish because they haven’t fully developed beyond their own sense of self yet. Their wants feel urgent, feelings feel enormous,  everything‘s constantly centered around how they feel.

That’s normal when you’re three. That’s a problem when you’re an adulthood. An adult understands the difference between “I am my own main priority.” and “I am my only priority.”

For example, some guys get genuinely upset when they find out a woman had sex with another man faster than she did with them.

They frame it as “why did they get better treatment?!” they don’t seem interested in hearing the other side.

Typically a woman learns that rushing into sex led to bad experiences. Typically, she kept ending up with men she barely knew, having subpar sex, getting attached too quickly, or discovering afterward that the guy was a terrible person. So now she takes more time to get to know someone because she is trying to filter those men out. You know that thing called….learning from experience.

 

So do you not see how ridiculous it is that you tell her that she should risk having another bad experience just because it makes a guy feel bad that she’s being cautious?  She should be her own main priority too.

5. Poor frustration tolerance and a self-centered sense of fairness

This is where immaturity starts turning into entitlement. I wanted something → I didn’t get it → therefore something unfair happened. An adult should be capable of thinking that they don’t like an outcome, but nobody has wronged them them. Instead, disappointment constantly becomes injustice. You don’t have to outright admit you feel entitled to express a sense of entitlement.

“Your behavior is appalling” becomes man hating.

Criticism becomes “Im criticized for no reason while Wade Wilson gets pussy!”

Dating frustrations become “I did everything society told me and society lied that it’d earn me a woman!”

Being told you’re supposed to be respectful to women you don’t find attractive becomes “Men’s preferences are hated!”

That’s what I mean by an emotional toddler. Not someone who likes childish things, is goofy, or struggles with certain adult skills. I mean a grown adult who still processes emotions like a bratty toddler.

And that makes someone exhausting to be around long-term.

There seems to be a massive overlap between guys who complained that morals don’t matter to women and guys who are just massive assholes themselves.  And it’s becoming much more clear that they want the women with low moral standards. They want the women who are fine knowingly dating guys like Epstein, Diddy, Wade Wilson, etc. but for some reason, they want women to worship the fact that they’re better than the worst of society, even though if she cared about morals, she wouldn’t be dating someone like Jeffrey, Willy, and Diddy.  Meanwhile, to most people, guys who are jealous of violent offenders are a red flag. Because normal people are disgusted at the actions of those men not jealous that they have women who desire them. Normal people sees those people as a safety concern.

And I still can’t understand these guys. They admit they don’t care about being around good women, but they’re always upset when they see women who don’t care about being around good men. Hence, the whole complaint about “women don’t want good men” is just code for “Most women won’t date me because I’m an appalling piece of shit, and I’m very angry that women who do date appalling pieces of shit would never want me.”

Also, these guys don’t seem to understand that most violent offenders were ruin their whole lives. apparently, it doesn’t matter that like Jonathan Majors had a massive fall from Grace after being exposed as an abuser. As long as they get a girl to like them, despite being a piece of shit, everything else is worth it. That is not the mind of a normal stable person. That is the mindset of a person who admires the worst of society.

I noticed every time there’s a popular grievance men have towards women, it’s usually shit they didn’t prioritize in the first place.

“Im so tired of women not being honest about what they find sexually attractive” but they never asked women what they find sexually attractive. They just say “what are you looking for in a guy?”.

“I’m tired of women using me for my resources and never showing me strong sexual desires” but they never tell women that they’re looking for a hook up. So they end up dating women who have no interest in having sex with men ASAP and then get mad that she wants to take it slow.

And my all-time favorite “Women dont care about good men” but they don’t care about being around good women either and they don’t understand how that’s related, for some reason. 

They want women to identify and satisfy needs they will not state nor prioritize. They want women to magically provide what they never explicitly sought, and when that doesn’t happen, they treat the mismatch they created as evidence that something is wrong with women. It’s very childish because it’s communicating “if I have to put effort into speaking or dating, it is a societal problem that women cause and that’s unfair to me”

I’ve noticed something interesting whenever I talk about morality here. A lot of people here (if not most) seem to have a very low bar for what they consider a good person and a very high tolerance for asshole behavior.

Someone is petty, selfish, disagreeable, misogynistic, or treats other people poorly?

“Nobody’s perfect.”

“Everyone has bad days.”

“People are complicated.”

“Everyone’s kind of an asshole.”

“Well, theyre nice to me.”

However, for most people, especially those who actually make morals a high priority, they have a high bar for what they consider good and a low tolerance for behavior they consider immoral.

And I think this explains why we keep talking past each other when discussing “good women” who knowingly date assholes.

She’s supposedly nice. She claims she wants a respectful man. She says she hates assholes. She talks about equality. She says personality matters. She supposedly has all these wonderful values.

But then an attractive enough asshole comes along and suddenly everything becomes negotiable.

She hates sexist men, unless he’s hot.

She hates disrespectful men, unless he’s exciting.

She values kindness, but she’ll tolerate him treating everyone else like garbage as long as he’s nice to her.

She supposedly has standards, but those standards mysteriously disappear whenever following them would cost her the man she wants.

Then I’m told “See? Even good women choose assholes.”

And here’s my response. Why are we calling her a good woman?

Sure, she knows how to be nice. She may be agreeable and bubbly, but that doesn’t make her good.

Then the answer I got was “Maybe for them morals do matter.....second while being hot is first.”

There’s a difference between moral preference and moral conviction

These women guys here know have a moral preference. She would prefer someone attractive who is also kind, honest, and respectful. But if someone is attractive enough, you’re willing to overlook some of those moral problems.

Moral conviction is different.

A conviction still matters when following it costs you something you want.

A woman with strong moral convictions can think a man is gorgeous and still reject him because he’s a piece of shit. She can enjoy being around him and stop associating with him after learning how he treats other people. She can want him and still decide that wanting him doesn’t make his behavior acceptable.

The attraction doesn’t disappear. It just doesn’t override her morals.

I think that’s the difference between the women this sub calls “good women” and the women I would call good women. To the women you’re describing, morality is a preference. To the women I’m describing, morality is the bare minimum.

Wanting a good man isn’t one positive quality competing with looks, money, status, humor, or sexual chemistry. It’s the first bar to clear before the other qualities matter.

Otherwise, if she hates misogyny until the misogynist is hot, and she values kindness until the cruel person excites her, those traits weren’t really important to her. If she knowingly throws her principles away for male validation, that’s not female nature. Women would call her pick me and a fake. Pick Me Girls can also be dangerous because they’ll bring dangerous men around their social circle for that male validation. What guys here see as a good woman, other women typically see as trash.

Second point: “Nobody’s perfect” doesn’t mean nobody is accountable.

For example, I had a woman describe several male friends as decent guys with “asshole traits.” One was hypercompetitive and petty when he lost. Another was randomly disagreeable. Another could be lazy and cowardly. Both another woman and I asked if they recognize those traits as problems and actually try to fix them?

Accountability is the difference. Plenty of assholes say they’re complex and misunderstood good people, that doesn’t make it true.

If you know you’re a horrible sore loser, recognize that it’s shitty behavior, take responsibility when you treat people badly, and genuinely try to control it, then you’re a flawed person. f you know you’re a horrible sore loser, continue treating people badly, make excuses for yourself, and expect everyone else to tolerate it because “nobody’s perfect,” then you’re just an asshole.

Same thing with having a bad day. A good person can get angry. They can be selfish. They can say something hurtful. They can fuck up. But afterward, they take accountability. They apologize when appropriate. They make amends if necessary. And most importantly, they actually try not to do it again.

An apology isn’t a get-out-of-jail-free card, either. If you’re constantly apologizing to multiple people because you keep treating everyone badly, your behavior shows you’re not trying to do better. A flawed good person sees their asshole behavior as something they need to work on. An asshole sees everyone else’s intolerance of their asshole behavior as something everyone else should accomedate.

Why is it hard to find women with moral conviction, then?

Simple. You don’t like them and they don’t like you.

A woman with strong moral convictions is going to have a higher standard for what she considers a good man because morality isn’t merely something she prefers in a partner. It’s the bare minimum.

And that means she’s going to judge him by what he actually does. Hosting a party doesn’t make you a good person. Paying for a date doesn’t make you a good person. Being polite doesn’t make you a good person. Not abusing women or committing felonies against them definitely doesn’t make you a good person. Congratulations, you cleared the floor of expected behavior.

Being genuinely good requires going above what society strictly requires/expects of you. What women with actual morals convictions: Does he take accountability when he fucks up? Does he genuinely try to correct his bad behavior? Is he generous? Is he compassionate? Does he care about people who have nothing to offer him? Is he capable of being selfless without expecting payment?

What a woman with strong moral convictions sees as a genuinely good man, a person with lower moral standards may see as a doormat. This can be its own post, so I will keep it brief. A doormat is not good. They CAN be, but guys being doormats for hot girls and validation dont make them good. A good person can decide someone doesn’t deserve their generosity. The important question is why. There’re a difference between “She’s a selfish exploitative person” and “She wont fuck me”.

When people make morals a big deal, THEY REALLY make morals a big deal. They show it through actions, not just gloating how good they are or how much they care about goodness. And being good is usually defined as more than doing the bare minimum. Meanwhile, people with low moral standards tend to tolerate other people with low moral standards, while people with high moral standards are more selective about who they keep around.

If “everyone’s an asshole” is acceptable to you, you’ll tolerate assholes. If “he’s nice to me” is enough, you’ll tolerate people who treat everyone else horribly. Someone with stronger moral convictions is filtering those same people out. And eventually, you end up surrounded by different kinds of people.

To explain what I mean: whenever people say a man’s personality or behavior might be why he struggles with dating, the accused asshole immediately responds with something like, “But Wade Wilson gets women!”

Nobody was comparing you to an exceptionally attractive violent felon except you. They were comparing you to the average man. And the average man, by definition, is not impressive. He has average looks, average money, average status, average intelligence. He is not extraordinary.

Yet average men date all the time. So what separates one average man from another?

His behavior, personality, and compatibility. Things men can actually control.

Is he pleasant to be around? Does he have anything in common with the people he pursues? Can he hold a conversation? Does he show interest in other people? Is he affectionate? Is he agreeable? Do people actually like being around him instead of merely tolerating his presence? Is he emotionally an adult?

The average guy usually does not have enough money, status, charisma, or pretty privilege to compensate for being miserable company. His personality carries the most weight because almost everything else about him is average.

Being ugly and not having pretty privilege are not the same thing. This is another distinction these accused assholes constantly erase. There is a difference between “Women do not find me attractive, so they won’t date me.” and “Women find me attractive, but they won’t overlook my red flags.”

The second one is simply not having pretty privilege. And you can tell this is often what they are actually upset about by how offended they get when I bring up baseline attraction. To them, a woman finding a man attractive enough to sleep with, as long as she also likes his other traits, is apparently barely different from her finding him unattractive. And that is part of why they get accused of being assholes in the first place: they envy assholes with pretty privilege.

They do not merely want women to find them attractive. They want to be attractive enough that women overlook their flaws.

But the average guy does not have pretty privilege. He cannot treat women like shit and then expect Wade Wilson’s fangirls.

So when people tell the accused asshole, “Your personality is the problem,” it’s a shorter way of saying, “Most people don’t want to be around assholes, and you’re not exceptional enough to be the exception.”

TLDR: Men who trash talk women typically like trashy women, which is embarassing that men are attracted to such low quality women but then want to blame society for his awful taste in women.

I will say that’s my favorite thing when talking to men about their dating complaints. When you push hard enough, their complaints usually come down to “The woman I want wont fuck me” and/or the women they want are usually trash.

For example, I had this guy complaining how it’s very lonely for introverted guys to not get a girlfriend because they’re more mature, they were parentified early, so they’re more responsible, and are more boring so women won’t date them. But then when I brought up dating older responsible women, the response was basically “why would I do that?”. So it’s not that those types of guys are undateable, they simply don’t like the women they attract and the women they want to attract don’t like them.

Similarly, I was talking to a guy who is claiming that the women in his area are awful. And then when I suggest going on the Internet to talk to women outside of his area, he said they’re even worse. So he complains about the women in his local area and will do nothing to leave the local area because he thinks other women are far worse. Apparently the common denominator is never him. You know, most men don’t have this massive distain for women.

Third example is the reason why I made this post. Guy was talking about how being a good guy didnt get him women but he’s sure he would have gotten laid if he lied about being a drug dealer. I asked him why he would want gold digging hoodrats, and minutes later, he deleted all his replies to me.

The point of these anecdotes is to illustrate a bigger pattern I have seen. Guy complains about women as a whole, but when you really engage in a conversation with him, you realize he has a type that he just isn’t willing to admit he has. Usually, it’s the same type of woman these guys want. She’s fickle, she shallow, she’s stupid, she's a party girl but since she’s also hot, extraverted, and horny, all trait that the male ego seems to love in a woman….until those traits backfire on him. Then the consequences is the fault of all women.

When men talk about how women “reward bad behavior”, it’s also very telling that he wants to go after women who who are attracted to bad behavior. These guys aren’t repulse that the fact that their bully has a girlfriend. He’s envious that being “morally superior” than his bully didn’t convince her to leave his bully.

I say that because every time people bring up being agreeable, emotionally stable, and being genuinely good, the manosphere immediately complain thats weakness and being a doormat. Then they proceed to talk about how being disagreeable is totally awesome.  This mindset is related to the whole idea that the world is only divided between those who dominate and those who submit, and real men dominate.

And I think this also goes hand-in-hand with assholes not comprehending being good. Like scoffing at doing good things at your expense….which us literally what being selfless is, which is part of being good. And that’s because they hope to be validated in someway. That’s probably where the conflation between being a doormat and being good comes from. Because plenty of doormats aren’t really good. They’re hoping their lack of self-respect will earn them the validation of others. For example, a guy was telling me that telling women he worked for a charity didn’t work, so it showed that women don’t care about men being good. He didn’t seem to comprehend when I explained to him that he was still being an asshole because he was trying to use doing charity as a way to get laid.

Now, back to the whole thing about being agreeable: imagine thinking being nice, pleasant, or friendly are weaknesses instead of reasons for people to be around you. Most people don’t have a high tolerance for disagreeableness and by its definition, disagreeable people are hard to get along with. You have to give people a reason to put up with an unpleasant insufferable person.

However, it could just be more “I am deeply unlikable and I want to put a positive spin on it”. Because their whole insistence that being an asshole is a good strategy is really weird, considering there’s more proof that it’s not.  However, they like to comflate an asshole with other more positive traits. It comes off less that they want to be attractive to women and comes off more as they want to be assholes but getting validation instead of consequences.

I didn’t think this needed to be said, but not every adult actually matures into adulthood. Men who constantly insist they’re “misunderstood good men” remind me of women who say, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” For either statement to mean anything, you actually have to be a good person most of the time, and your “worst” can’t be so atrocious that people reasonably don’t want to be around you.

Your internal self-image does not override how you consistently behave.

I’m focusing on men because plenty take pride in supposedly being more logical and competent  than women while behaving just as irrationally and emotionally as the women they complain about. Claiming everyone misunderstands you becomes very convenient when you don’t believe in personal accountability. If people repeatedly have a problem with your behavior, the adult response is to explain yourself, apologize when appropriate, and change what you’re doing. But plenty of men, especially in red-pill spaces, seem to want something else. They don’t want to stop being bitter, entitled assholes. They want everyone else to stop judging them for being bitter, entitled assholes. They want understanding to erase consequences.It doesn’t.

The same applies to “men aren’t allowed to show emotion.” Most young people (in the West atleast) arent demanding that men become emotionless. People just don’t want to deal with adults who express every negative emotion through rage, hostility, self-pity, sexual entitlement, or meltdowns. And if you insist therapy doesn’t work and you’re going to handle your problems yourself, fine. But if you’re still miserable, repeating the same problems, and driving people away, then whatever you’re doing clearly isn’t working. Explaining why you refuse help doesn’t make you better at helping yourself.

What makes this especially ridiculous is how much empathy these guys have for fictional men. Give some violent menace  to society type character a mix of trauma, loneliness, and a societial grievance and suddenly, these “misunderstood” men empathize with the man underneath the monster. Yet they’ll show no curiosity about the inner life of woman  (especially not abuse victims), then complain nobody has enough empathy for them.

That’s why “misunderstood” is such an appealing identity. If your internal pain is the “real you,” criticism becomes proof that nobody understands you. But people interact with your behavior, not the sympathetic narrator inside your head. And sometimes hearing your side makes you look worse. If your explanation is still entirely about what you wanted, what you didn’t get, how unfairly you were treated, and why everyone should accommodate you and with little concern for anyone else, maybe people understand you perfectly well.

You just don’t like their conclusion.

Here’s the most popular examples:

“Toxic masculinity is a problem” somehow becomes “masculinity is bad”

“Wow, youre an asshole. No wonder why you struggle with women” somehow becomes “ because you struggle with women, I assume you’re an asshole.”

“People like agreeable people” somehow becomes “You should become a doormat”

“You should be good for the sake of being good, not because you expect a reward for it” somehow becomes “You should be a doormat” as well. 

“Girls want a nice guy” somehow becomes “be nice and women will reward you with sex because niceness makes you sexually desire”.

And criticizing any man somehow becomes misandranistic, despite no evidence of sexism.

Motivated reasoning is when someone’s desires, emotions, identity, or preexisting beliefs influence how they interpret evidence and reach conclusions. Instead of asking, “What was actually said?”, they ask, often unconsciously, “What interpretation protects what I already believe?” Their feelings about the situation become more important than the actual content of it.

And that sounds exhausting to be around. If a guy can read something written directly in front of him and still transform it into something completely different, why should anyone automatically trust his retelling of what his mother, teacher, church, or some television show supposedly told him twenty years ago? 

These guys constantly demand that everyone understand them, while showing remarkably little interest in understanding anyone or anything else. And when corrected, the correction itself gets absorbed into the victim narrative: I’m reasonable, I’m misunderstood, and everyone criticizing me is unfair, sexist, dishonest, or cruel.

Worst of all, because maturity can only happen from someone who’s willing to learn from their mistakes. Maturity requires being able to tolerate conclusions that hurt your ego. “I was wrong. I misunderstood. I behaved badly. I expected something I wasn’t entitled to. Someone’s criticism of me was justified. My intentions don’t erase the consequences. I need to change so I dont do bad and deal with the same consequences again”. Because if you’re going to be a manchild, you’re gonna have to give people a reason tolerate that behavior.

Whenever I get people to explain how they “want to be desired” and “want someone desire to them”, it’s typically meaning that “omg, youre so hot, I dont think with my brain. I think with my genitals”. So its not merely “I wouldnt mind fucking them” desire. None of them seem to understand how stupid and/or how high of a standard that is.

Most people arent that good looking, especially in America. Even without Americans being fat as hell, most people aren’t impressive to look at. That’s why we put attractive people front and center in media. That’s why makeup is so popular, because natural beauty is extremely rare.

“Why does it matter if people chase strong desire” because they typically blame others when that doesn’t work out. The issue with both genders is that they blame the opposite gender for not having qualities they never prioritized. For these women, they complain how the men they date aint shit, incompetent, make terrible baby daddies, etc. Well, was being a competent father the biggest priority? The answer is typically no. Charisma and looks were important, qualities immature fuckboys excel at. For these men, they complain about women wanting assholes and lying about wanting good men. Well, was morals important to these men? Typically no. Their first priority was finding women who gave them instant validation through being eager, horny, and/or hot.

Another reason chasing strong desires is bad because it typically leads to unequal power dynamics. It’s one person chasing another while ignoring the red flags of the person being chased. This also leads to the person doing the chase being bitter and exhausted, such as complaining about “playing Jester”. On the opposite end, this leads to people being upset that ugly people “expect too much” when its them who expect to be treated like a prize for no reason.

I believe these same people call it “beta bux” or “settling” when other people realize that traits that help for long term relationships are more important than traits meant for short term validation. They also think simply being baseline attractive is the worst thing ever. Oh no, you can fuck someone without drooling at the thought of them 24/7/365. The horror!