r/PurplePillDebate

Have men never met women who are turned off by toxic behavior, and immediately leave a guy who shows toxicity? Are the only people successfully getting women toxic men in your life?

Because it’s quite a headscratcher to claim women reward bad behavior but all sorts of women exist, and plenty of women have no tolerance for that nonsense. So with 4 billion females living on earth, how is it that men seem to only know one type?

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Just as calling teenagers impulsive and irresponsible isn’t hate. Neither is calling out women on their negative traits.

If you love someone, you’re honest with them. Not telling them the truth isn’t kindness and fearing their reaction isn’t being considerate. Only the truth can help them.

So believing men want you to suffer for their benefit because they state you’re inferior to them is inconclusive.

If we’re all in this together no one benefits from disenfranchising the other. Thus honest criticism should be respected as mutually beneficial, not tarnished.

Even if the criticism turns out to be true that isn’t at all a verdict on how we should respond to this truth.

If you’re categorically scared of any truth that speaks against your position and thus deny any productive dialogue on that truth, you are the one disenfranchising and turning “we’re all in this together” into “it’s a zero sum game”.

The title is contradictory on purpose. I've been asking around and thinking and the answers I get for this dilemma are always varied. (I mean, of course they are, but still.) there's never anything actionable or concrete. You should never cold approach women but a lot of women don't mind it. Honestly, you just need to try your ass off. There is no right or wrong answer, and if you are a man that cannot find his way no one is gonna support you without you paying for help.

Even if it's awkward or if you sound dumb the only thing you can do is cold approach if there is no other option for you. She won't care anyways if you hit the nail on the head the right way. You can't win unless you were always going to from the start. Everything was never going to work or it was always going to work.

Why is a sub reddit like r/evilwomeninc not banned from reddit when half of the posts are blatant misandry ?

This whole sub's purpose is to spread and nurture hatred of men.

Logically 90% make absolutely 0 sense but "it does not even matter what matters is we hate men"

#NotAllMen 😇 : r/evilwomenincr/evilwomeninc "It's so funny when I say all men are trash 😂"

facts : r/evilwomenincr/evilwomeninc "Humans are the most successful species in the history of living beings and I have more confort in my life than any other mammal, it surely means men are evil we need to suicide civilisation it will show them 😊"

facts : r/evilwomenincr/evilwomeninc "We are a little mean to them we are just gurls men are evil anyway 😭"

I want to learn how to hate men beneficially (men making their own PIPs?) : r/evilwomeninc "I want to learn how to hate men please girlies 🥰"

Meanwhile the "I want to learn how to hate women" post will lowkey get you imprisoned IRL

And I could go on about this sub, it's only the tip of the iceberg.

Replace men with any other ethicity/group/community and you get instantly banned from reddit + get judiciary problems IRL

The mere fact that is still not banned proves then again how blatant misandry is accepted, and how as a man you get socially marginalised for pointing it out.

I glossed over this point in a thread I made a few days ago but it bears repeating: women give the least to the men who defend them the most.

If you want to call them blue pilled, fine. but generally speaking the guys who stay getting friendzoned, talking to themselves in women’s DMs, getting blocked, used for foodie calls, and all the rest of the things guys commonly complain about, tend to be the guys who primarily complain about RP content being misogynistic and constantly attack men for not being good enough.

Women don’t see this and largely don’t care because they think that’s what men are supposed to do, not to mention they’re not attracted to them anyway. Just like being a provider male won’t make a woman love you, doing chores won’t make her happy, neither will constantly defending them against the criticisms of men.

Kinda wish would knock it off, but what can you do?

Women who choose to be single are celebrated as empowered. People talk about how they can travel, enjoy their freedom, focus on themselves, and do all these other things.

Men, on the other hand, are often seen as losers for being single. And if they claim to be happy alone, people are quick to assume they are lying and secretly want a girlfriend.

This is why so many men rush into relationships and even marriages with women they are not genuinely attracted to or do not actually want to be with, simply because society makes them feel like being single is a failure.

so i came upon a thread in a different post, and a man claimed this:

“Men murder women for being evil. Women make up false accusations about most of the time there are very few real cases of rape. The ones that are real are mostly because that evil woman has pushed a man to far with her manipulation and he snaps and ends up humbling her some with rape which makes her tone down her evil ways, which in turn protects everyone. There are a small sliver of exceptions to this where a man is actually the one who is evil and other men will hold him accountable just as they hold themselves accountable.”

i don’t think most men agree with this, i just wanted to ask your opinions about the topic. the part that’s crazy to me is that the user who said it seemed reasonable before he started making statements like this.

if you will, please include your age and political stance in your answer.

edit: when i was making this post i was thinking about violence in general but some people are asking me to be more specific. so maybe you can answer for gender based violence specifically. but if you want to answer the general question you can do that too.

another edit: i’m asking this question because usually whenever this topic comes up people just say “testosterone” this is why i wanted to ask men because you all have testosterone but obviously you’re not all violent. i think it also fits in with some other posts that have been recently made on this sub

"Hate" seems to be a popular topic today. I see it on both "sides" and don't find any of it productive. I can only point to a couple of times in my life where I felt something close to "hate."

The first was when I was around 5 years old and my cousin purposefully slammed a brick on my toe. That pissed me off! RAGE MONSTER!!

The second, which is more relevant, was when I was with my first major rejection at the age of 22. I had been pursuing a woman, who was objectively out of my league, and after telling me "I'm not looking for a relationship right now", among many other similar things, she ended up in a relationship with a very desirable college athlete shortly after.

Upon realizing that she chose him because he was more desirable, it made me very mad that she wouldn't just tell me the real reason - that she just wasn't attracted to me. These feelings simmered for weeks and I started to feel more jaded towards women in general.

But then I looked inward. I (finally) took a deep look in the mirror and realized I wasn't attractive enough to intrigue the type of women I wanted. It wasn't her fault. It was my fault. If I were her, why would I choose me?

There was quite a bit of learning with romance to take place for me over the next few years, but through being cheated on, left for another, ghosted, made fun of, whatever, I never felt "hate" and realized it was on me to change my outcome.

I hope more people get to experience the success that comes with this way of thinking.

I recognise it existed in the past. I do not recognise that it exists today.

Sociologist Raewyn Connell explained how the common man benefit from the patriarchy through “patriarchal dividends” meaning presumed professional competence, freedom from the disproportionate burden of uncompensated domestic labour, and freedom of movement in public spaces.

Historically these things are not what defined a patriarchy. When an actual patriarchy existed women couldn’t work, have their own bank account, get an education and so forth.

The “patriachal dividends” that the average man receive aren’t from a systematic oppression. It’s people entering agreements with obligations that they do not like.

If you feel like you do more around the house, and you’re unhappy: Leave.

If your employer views you as stupid: Leave.

The patriarchy is an invisible bogey-man for women that like to feel bad about themselves.

I wrote a post and I said something about believing all women. The response to it was a rejection of course you don't believe everyone. It wasn't the first time I heard that but I guess my question to it is if it's not believe all women why is it women get upset when men question a lack of evidence, request for evidence , or evidence that doesn't add up.

Look I've unfortunately had people in my life that have been assaulted and I was there for them and supported them through it. I've also seen unfortunate situations where women have used the police as a tool to punish a man..

But considering most women will never understand how it feels to be lied on by a woman I would assume you guys have less of a sensitivity when it comes to the topic.

I had one friend who was grabbed in the club video showed it people around her saw it. Sent the guy straight to jail. Woman got beat up by her partner. Put the guy in jail.

But if it's a guy who just looks creepy but hasn't done anything to you. Leave him alone. You accuse the guy of sexual harassment but there's no evidence? Yeah I might have questions.

So I guess the question is still if it's not believe all women why do women seem to be upset when we question things that seem a little off?

i keep seeing silly take about this american case in cornell. this post is not really to argue about if it is rape that happened. before you all start scream at me (women)i actually believe probably and i am not making a joke as well.

but really when i think about it this is not the first case it will not be the last.

where are the women doing gang bangs on men?

also the only fans women who break record for fucking 10 20 1000 men in one day can a man ever make this content with women i really dont think so.

i once got message asking why my views seem so random but i attempt to be clear on the fact the disparity between male interest in female is vast and it it is making men delusional.

i dont think i could stand around with other men wait my turn to fuck a woman. how silly it even sounds. but this is how far we can go for pussy. i even think threesome are silly for other reasons. i dont have enough dick and attention for such activity.

it is something i think men mature away from this drive maybe. but until then refusing to accept this disparity is why debate will never end.

I just never liked that catchphrase.

I hate that it’s a thing.

It’s silly.

Ofc, it does the thing of making boys and men who don’t do those things feel bad about themselves, which compassionately I’m sympathetic toward.

But what I really mean is: What do you mean “teach” them?

Barring severe cognitive disability or impairment, you think the ones raping and disregarding others for their benefit don’t know?

And if they genuinely “don’t know” and aren’t clinically mentally disabled, then it begs the question: what the hell is going on with their brain functioning??

I feel like most of us, girls and boys, grew up ALREADY being taught the basics of mutual respect and respecting other people’s boundaries by our parents or at least early childhood teachers.

Idk. The phrase feels dishonest or like society is in collective denial. Cuz why the hell do boys and men need an extra lesson???

Consent is pretty much the foundational principle of Barney, Sesame Street, and whatever comes on PBS Kids or YouTube for children nowadays: play well in the sandbox with others.

Boys and men (and girls and women) who push past boundaries “understand” they’re doing so. They don’t care. They’re deliberately disregarding the other person’s wishes because it gets in the way of what they want.

The better question is, across diverse cultures and time immortal, WHY is it that boys and men more so than girls and women do that?

We all know why. But western societies don’t want to say the elephant in the room for fear of being called bio-essentialist or what have you.

My thing is you can’t address or fix a problem unless you’re comprehensively honest about it. And my thing is, it’s clearly not just “socialization.” It’s way too consistent for that. It’s nature exacerbated by nurture imo.

(Hot hormonal-science-backed take: I think a same thing that makes males as an aggregate more likely to ignore sexual consent, makes them more likely to ignore general consent aka more likely to rob, assault, murder, fight, raid, pillage, conquer, subjugate, enslave, explore, adventure, risk-take, etc.)

I think using phrases like “boys will be boys” and “he’s a man, what did you expect?” to excuse harmful behaviour reinforces a double standard. Boys and men receive more room to avoid responsibility, while girls and women are expected to anticipate, tolerate, or manage the consequences.

My argument is about how these phrases are used to excuse behaviour that affects other people. Describing children being energetic or playful is different from dismissing disrespect, harassment, or refusal to take responsibility.

I’m a law student, not a psychologist. This is also something I’ve caught myself doing. Saying “what do you expect from men?” can feel like criticism, but it can still reinforce the idea that men cannot reasonably be expected to behave differently.

I think that has consequences in three connected ways.

First, it shifts responsibility towards the person affected. If a boy repeatedly bothers a girl and adults say “he just likes you,” she may be expected to tolerate something that makes her uncomfortable. He misses an opportunity to learn that liking someone does not justify ignoring their boundaries.

The same reasoning appears in adult relationships. “Men are just like that” becomes an explanation for leaving household responsibilities to a partner, refusing to communicate, or dismissing someone’s feelings. The behaviour becomes something the other person must accommodate rather than something he should address.

Sexual assault is a particularly serious example. Saying “men have urges” or asking why a woman trusted someone shifts attention away from the person responsible. Sexual desire does not remove someone’s ability or obligation to respect consent.

Second, these excuses can lower expectations so much that basic consideration seems exceptional. I think we should appreciate kindness and encourage thoughtful behaviour. But there is a difference between appreciating a father’s parenting and treating him as unusually generous for looking after his own children.

The concern is the standard being used. “At least I don’t hit you” or “other men would have done worse” compares someone’s behaviour with a worse alternative instead of addressing whether their own actions were acceptable. Being better than another person does not make someone beyond criticism.

This applies to men who consider themselves feminists too. Supporting equality does not mean someone will never behave unfairly, and being praised for previous good behaviour should not prevent accountability now.

Third, we can reinforce this difference from childhood through what we call maturity. Girls may be expected to help with younger children, manage other people’s feelings, or “know better,” while boys receive more tolerance for being careless. We then describe the resulting difference in behaviour as evidence that girls are naturally more mature.

I don’t think emotional maturity can be reduced to a simple claim about whose brain develops first. Development varies, and expectations and opportunities to practise responsibility matter too. A daughter repeatedly expected to clear the table while her brother keeps sitting is learning a different lesson about responsibility.

Young adults also continue developing, but that does not mean accountability has to wait. A twenty-one-year-old can still be learning while being expected to respect boundaries, apologise, and change harmful behaviour.

This is where I see the connection to patriarchy. Men can be treated as naturally suited to authority while being treated as less capable of managing their behaviour when responsibility becomes inconvenient. Meanwhile, women are expected to manage both their own actions and men’s reactions.

I recognise that these phrases do not automatically produce the same outcome in every person. Their meaning depends on context, and one comment does not determine a child’s character. My position is that repeatedly using them to excuse harm helps normalise unequal expectations.

Holding boys to fair, age-appropriate standards also shows that we believe they are capable of empathy, consideration, and growth. Girls should have room to be children without being assigned responsibility for everyone else.

I’d like to hear opposing perspectives. Do you think these phrases actively reinforce unequal expectations, or mostly reflect attitudes that already exist? Is there a distinction or counterexample I’m overlooking?

I’m questioning a social pattern that people of any gender can reinforce, including me. My view is that we should appreciate kindness while consistently expecting respect and accountability, rather than treating those qualities as surprising in men or dismissing horrible behavouir on the basis of gender.

EDIT: Okay, reading the replies, I’m realising I assumed we were all familiar with the same use of this phrase, and clearly we aren’t. The number of people saying they’ve only heard it about harmless childhood behaviour has honestly caught me off guard. That isn’t how I’ve always heard it used, but I should’ve explained the context more clearly.

I’m wondering whether our different experiences come down to culture, generation, or social circles. I don’t have an answer to that yet. Something being familiar around me doesn’t establish how common it is everywhere, and I appreciate people making me think about that.

I also put so much emphasis on “boys will be boys” that the discussion became about those exact words. What I wanted to explore was the wider attitude behind comments like “he’s a man, what did you expect?” when someone has behaved badly. Would my point have been clearer if I’d started there? Probably.

A few replies have also asked whether this is actually criticism of men rather than an excuse for them. I think that’s a fair distinction to raise. Someone might intend to express frustration with men, yet still suggest that women should expect poor treatment and adjust their expectations accordingly. That’s the effect I’m questioning, including when I’ve said it myself.

I don’t want to reinforce the idea that being a man means having bad character. I want us to question that connection. We can recognise patterns in how people are raised and treated while still holding an individual responsible for their choices.

So I’m taking the feedback on board without pretending I suddenly haven’t heard what I’ve heard. I should’ve been more careful about presenting my experience as a shared one. I’m still interested in the broader question: what happens when we repeatedly explain someone’s harmful behaviour through their gender, and expect the people affected to simply know better?

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I’m presenting this idea because the narrative that women are uniquely and unfairly advantaged on dating apps doesn’t seem to align with my experiences.

Granted, if I had wanted to I could’ve had sex about 100 times by now. At one point I had like 900+ right swipes on Tinder and could’ve hypothetically said yes to all of them. A guy I knew at the time had like 20 likes.

I don’t really see this being a true advantage beyond raw numbers though, because when talking to these men it was extremely obvious they basically just saw me as a warm pussy. About half were outright disgusting, and others were still very clearly looking for a masturbatory aid. The sex would have been bad, and I probably wouldn’t have even orgasmed. The only point of it would’ve been to have sex for the sake of it or maybe validation?

So I have an advantage in raw numbers, but very few of those I’m truly attracted to, and most of those were red flags, and the ones that weren’t red flags just wanted a masturbatory aid. All in all I got like 4 dates out of Tinder, and two of them were clearly fronts to get me to hook up after I clearly stated I would not be doing that.

I’ve had very few true relationships because I am very very choosey and don’t like having sex without commitment (learned that lesson). Most men expect sex up front and use that to gauge how “into them” you are. Because of that I was excluded from the dating pool by most men I was attracted to as well.

So I was in a situation even on Tinder, the hypothetically most advantageous space for women, where I have a choice between endless bad sex or like 2 dudes who might maybe take the time to actually date and treat me like a person.

So unless you’re a very promiscuous woman to just really enjoys being penetrated (which is not the majority of women in my experience) your options are actually very few.

I imagine a lot of men will say “more choices are better than none!” which I agree with to an extent, but in actuality my choices were very limited because these men immediately exclude me from the pool as well.

In my view most men are excluded at the swiping stage (step 1) but most women are excluded at the talking stage (step 2). So women have more immediate options but they dwindle significantly almost immediately. So my theory is the true success ratio evens out between the sexes.

I’m sympathetic to the idea that a deluge of bad dick is less emotionally hurtful than radio silence, because there is admittedly a rush of validation seeing 900+ people who’re attracted to you.

On the other hand, I had to step away from Tinder personally because the harassment and objectification was affecting my mental health very badly as well; making me paranoid, cynical towards men, and made my ED flare up. So I think the negative consequences of Tinder is also not one sided in that regard either.

TLDR: 1. Women and men get dwindled choices at different stages of the dating app cycle, making women seem advantaged when only tracking swipes, but overall success is mostly equal between the sexes.

2. The mental health consequences of engaging with a dating app are different in nature between the sexes but both still get negative consequences.

With these two things in mind, women cannot be said to unequivocally have an advantage on dating apps.

Autistic men are, statistically speaking, more likely to be romantically and sexually inexperienced at older ages. Most autistic men graduate high school a virgin, and many of them will reach the age of 25 without even having a girlfriend. There are all sorts of data online that supports my premise.

This is a sad reality with being a male on the spectrum. Your romantic and sexual prospects take a huge hit.

However, some autistic men do manage to find love and a fairly normal sex life.

The question is, what kind of advice would you give to autistic men who struggle with dating? How should they go about getting a girlfriend or trying to get laid?

Whenever we debate dating mechanics here, some guys love to drop comments like "as a happily married man, ……" as if that automatically validates their point.

Here’s the reality: being married doesn’t mean you understand dating.

The only thing that proves you’re actually successful and therefore insightful
when it comes to male dating dynamics is how many attractive women genuinely desire you and want to date you. Marriage guarantees none of that.

In fact, most married men I know are completely clueless about how modern dating actually works. That ignorance is a big reason why divorce rates are so high and overwhelmingly initiated by women, often while the husband thinks everything is going totally fine.

Being married just means you convinced one person to settle down with you at one point in time. It doesn't make you a dating guru.

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Or a 666 man who will be 6666 in the future (6ft+, 6inch, 6 pack, and someday 6 figure).

What would you tell a woman dating a man like this? To just accept him seeing other women? Or leave if he can’t be monogamous? In part because he isn’t 6 figure earner, so he isn’t even providing fully.

If a man isn’t providing fully, does he deserve to be non-monogamous?