u/sincerityappreciator

Imagine a woman who is genuinely asexual.

Not low libido or traumatized. She simply does not feel attraction to male bodies.

Shirtless men do nothing for her. Male nudes are boring or even disgusting. Porn centered around men does not interest her. She does not look at men with physical hunger or fascination.

And yet she still dates men. Why?

Because she still enjoys romance, validation, emotional closeness, attention, even the physical act of sex itself. She likes being desired as a woman. That feeling excites her far more than the male body itself ever could.

To her, the man is not really the object of desire. He simply affirms her desirability and femininity, which are the real triggers of arousal for her.

So outwardly, she looks heterosexual. She talks about “hot guys” to fit in with her friends, gushes over fictional men, marries men, sleeps with men, builds her whole life around men. She even reads romantic novels about vampire billionaires because imagining herself being desired by them is so affirming.

And she is not necessarily faking any of this. She genuinely enjoys the performance of heterosexuality. With time she might even forget she isnt actually heterosexual, because it just isn't relevant to her experience.

But underneath it all, one thing never appears: actual lust for men themselves.

So here is the uncomfortable question: If this woman dates men, sleeps with men, marries men, enjoys romance with men, but never truly desires male bodies in the first place, how exactly would you tell her apart from the average heterosexual woman?

I propose you would find out that you wouldn't: Perhaps, because I just described the average heterosexual-identified woman.

A species of aliens arrives on Earth. They look exactly like human women, completely indistinguishable.

But they are not heterosexual.

They are asexual. Male bodies do nothing for them. Shirtless men, male nudes, porn centered on mens bodies: no real interest. At best indifference, at worst, disgust.

But these aliens still date men constantly.

Why?

Because they still enjoy romance, attention, validation, emotional intimacy, even sex itself: they can enjoy the sensation of penetration and they have libidos. They can enjoy being desired. In fact, being desired as women is what turns them on most.

The man is not the object of desire: the experience of being wanted by him is.They experience autogynephilia.

So the aliens become very convincing. They gossip about “hot guys”, obsess over fictional men, go to bachelorette parties, marry men, sleep with men, build lives with men. They perform heterosexuality flawlessly and they are not even pretending, really. They genuinely enjoy the role.

But underneath these displays, the core thing which defined heterosexuality is still missing: actual lust for male bodies.

Which raises an uncomfortable question: how exactly would you tell them apart from the average heterosexual woman?

Hear me out.

Women do not, in marketable numbers, consume adult visual content of men such as OnlyFans.

Women do not, in marketable numbers, visit male prostitutes.

If women see a male stripper, it is most typically entertainment in the form of a hen party or an equivalent, social bonding activity, not out of a private desire for male bodies such as for guys who might visit a strip club alone just to stare at the women by themselves in the corner.

Women never managed to be a marketable audience of adult magazines. Playgirl, notoriously, was an utter failure among women.

Still, women are not, demonstratably, completely devoid of a sexual urge. When women indulge in erotic media featuring men, its nearly always erotic fiction. athe men in these are, to my knowledge, always the active subjects, the initiators, the actors of sexual desire. If you read the average womens romantic novel, the man isn't just some idle pretty boy waiting for the woman to seduce him and be "used": it seems to, more or less always, be the exact opposite of what women want from these books. It is the "heroine" who is the passive object of desire, who the mafia boss/billionaire/vampire billionaire/minotaur/lovecraftian entity either seduces, very forcefully seduces or just plain rapes. Women seem to very much relish in being the objects of sex in these fantasies, much more so than the active initiators.

Am i simply being myopic here, or does being the "desirer" instead of just the "desired" ever appeal to women? Are there any successful erotic stories where the male interest is, squarely, the passive object, and i just haven't paid attentiom to them?

Remember, I am talking about general trends, not your individual tastes. Outliers are interesting, sometimes, but they can't really answer the question of mass appeal.

It's amazing how many men are baffled that they're not a priority anymore after kids. I've seen it so many times. Basically men want kids more than women but as soon as they have a kid, they change their tune and start complaining about not being a priority anymore. Sorry, unless you're in the top 0.1% of men, a woman will always, always prioritize her kids. You will be seen as childish and immature if you want sex more than once a week because there's not enough time anymore. Once a week is actually the optimistic scenario. If you want to have hobbies that are not about the kids, you will be seen as childish and immature. I'm just laying down the facts here.

If you can't accept this then either become a 0.1% man or don't have kids. Find a childfree woman or a divorced woman with adult kids.