OAD seemed unlikely, then likely, and now is flip flopping.
I'm not sure if I need advice or just a place to dump my thoughts. I feel isolated and reading posts on this community helps me.
For context I have a 3yo. My (39M) wife (36F) had an extremely rough pregnancy. Was sick every day from week six until birth. Doctor said she had something called HG? Basically perpetual morning sickness. She got meds eventually to somewhat function but the nausea still persisted.
I've always been OAD, but she has desperately wanted a second. She's an only child and says she always wanted a sibling. I have two sisters, but neither have kids at the moment (and one is looking to never have any). So she is worried if we have an only, they will have no siblings and no cousins. My mom tells me I need to give them a sibling.
I finally acquiesced to trying again, and a few months later she did get pregnant. I resigned myself to accepting this; hey, this definitely means no more pregnancy scares right?
Well, at week 5 she got sick, and all of a sudden we were right back to where we were, except now we had a toddler to deal with. The nausea and vomiting came back in full force. I took on the extra parenting load, but knew this was gonna mean a challenging 9 months. My wife started to regret her choice. Told me she wished it hadn't happened, that she should have listened to me, etc. I said nothing, because I didn't want to influence anything. She told me to schedule a vasectomy, because even if this didn't work out, she didn't want the risk of it happening again. I scheduled it for next month.
Well I guess her body listened, because a week later she had a miscarriage. She felt the biggest mix of sadness and relief. Felt bad it had happened, but was looking forward to the chance to fully focus on our only. I was relieved, but kept my opinion to myself because I knew she was suffering and that wasn't fair. I did feel some sadness, as I had sorta accepted the fact that it was gonna happen.
Now that it's been a few weeks, the story is shifting. Idk if it's hormones or just not sitting next to the toilet every day. Let's try again. Maybe this time it will be okay. You should delay your vasectomy.
I keep saying I'm not moving the surgery. I witnessed a full term pregnancy of suffering and the first week of a potential second one. Do we really want to roll the dice a third time? I can't keep waiting for the miracle "perfect" pregnancy. But I worry I will somehow become blamed for not allowing this to happen, or potentially happen again. I don't want to end up dealing with a potential lifetime of resentment towards me. Does this make me selfish? I honestly don't know.
I enjoy our little triangle family, and I really thought it was about to be a bittersweet, but overall happy, ending.