Older ABCD/Desis, what was interracial dating like for you in the 70s, 80s and 90s?
Older ABCD/Desis, what was interracial dating like for you in the 70s, 80s and 90s?
I’m curious to hear from some of the older ABCD/Desi crowd who grew up in Canada, the U.S., UK, or elsewhere during the 70s, 80s and 90s.
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who were second or third generation Canadians and were dating during that period. A lot has changed since then, so I’m curious what things were actually like back in the day.
Did you date someone who wasn’t South Asian? How did your parents react when they found out? What about your extended family? And how did your partner’s family feel about you? Did you ever experience pressure to end the relationship or marry within the community?
I’d also be interested in hearing about exclusion and social barriers at the time. Did you feel that being Desi made it harder to date outside the community? Were there places, social circles, schools, neighbourhoods or workplaces where you felt excluded or treated differently? Did interracial couples face more open disapproval or social pressure back then than they would today?
I’d also be interested in hearing whether things were different depending on where you grew up. For example, was dating outside the community more accepted in places like Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal, Calgary or smaller Canadian communities? And did you find that attitudes changed between the 70s, 80s and 90s?
I’m asking because I’m a third generation Canadian myself, and when I look back at my own experiences growing up and dating, I realize how different the social expectations were compared with what younger generations experience today. There were times when family expectations, community pressure and attitudes from both sides could make an interracial relationship much more complicated than it might be today.
I’m not trying to start an argument about interracial dating or make a generalization about Desi families. I’m genuinely interested in hearing how people from our generation experienced it firsthand, including the things that may have been difficult to talk about at the time.
So if you grew up Desi in Canada, the U.S., UK, or elsewhere during that era and had an interracial relationship, or even tried to date outside the community, what was your experience like?
How did your experience with acceptance, exclusion, family pressure and social attitudes compare with what you see today?
Feel free to share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with. I’d particularly like to hear stories from people who actually lived through that period rather than looking at it only through today’s lens.