r/ABCDesis

If you live in Canada and complain about racism, there is a petition that closes fairly soon. It has gotten 473 signatures at the time of writing this, which is not nearly enough. Sign the petition, and help spread the word by leaving it in comments/posts/etc: https://www.ourcommons.ca/petitions/EN/Petition/Details?Petition=e-7766

Edit: 21 new signatures in the 3 hours this post has been up! Lets keep it up!

i married into a desi family and my MIL is always asking what clothes to bring me from india, i’ve always asked for a sari but she never gets me one. my SIL told me that saris are only meant to be worn by married women… i am a married woman to her brother… other family members of theirs wear saris too so im just curious is it like not the best to wear a sari?

So I have been trying to find a boyfriend on dating apps for literally the longest time and one of the biggest things that i've seen is that way too many grown a** indian men are referring to themselves as boys. Like, there'd be a thirty four year old man saying that he's a young boy looking for a young girl

Is this just something that I don't understand culturally? Or like what the fuckis going on

I assume a lot of the Muslim ABDs out there will wait since Islam is strict about no premarital sex, and maybe some Christian ABDs too. Anyone? Just curious because I met a Hindu ABD guy who said he was waiting till marriage the other day and I was super surprised because Hindus don’t really do that and that’s not in ABD Hindu culture. Hindus are usually the most open to casual dating and hookups from what I have seen(as a Hindu myself). But tbh that’s because Hindu ABDs are not usually religious at all. Maybe like 1% of them if I had to guess. Just like celebrate garba and Diwali Hindus but not really believing or visiting the temples.

Aside from that guy, idk any other Hindu waiting for marriage, but know plenty of religious Muslims and Christian ABD women, and some men, who are waiting.

It made me curious, so I thought I would ask here!

Deboo was the clown who went to an anti-immigration rally a year ago, seemingly hoping for some white validation, only to get pushed around by the very people he was trying to impress. 🤡

I randomly think about this guy once in a while and laugh at the sheer ass-licking mentality. Then recently, this interview showed up on my feed where he tries to rationalise his position. The funny part is that even after all this time, he still can't articulate a clear or consistent rationale for what he believes.

Honestly, there is something deeply hypocritical about benefiting from immigration yourself and then deciding that the immigrants who come after you are somehow less deserving.

"I came here legitimately. I integrated. I contribute. But these new immigrants are the problem."

If you're an immigrant whose argument basically boils down to "I'm one of the good ones, unlike the people coming after me," just own what it is. It's elitism and prejudice dressed up as principle.

As the title says. I’ve recently realized after moving to nyc where I know nobody, far from my old city surrounded by people I knew in the Punjabi/sikh community there, that wait I really don’t have to lean into being Punjabi or Sikh here if I don’t want to. It’s really freeing. Growing up I never felt accepted by a lot of Punjabi people in our community bc I couldn’t relate to them. I wasn’t religious much, I didn’t like Punjabi rap that much (old Punjabi music/uk fusion music is a diff story tho love that), I didn’t buy into caste culture, I dressed and acted different, and I didn’t belong to a brown friend group. Now I’m realizing wait, I don’t really care for any of this anyways. Most of these people gossip endlessly and are toxic af, don’t have any personality besides their ethnicity or faith, and are just boring to be around. I love being alt! I love having piercings, tats, smoking weed, listening to diff music, dressing different, etc. Why should I feel like I need to belong to these people anyways? It’s kinda freeing. I don’t have to respect my elders. I don’t have to keep my hair if I don’t want to. I don’t have to act religious. I don’t have to do any of the stuff I don’t want to. It’s liberating. I don’t care what people think anymore!

Obv being Punjabi and being raised Sikh is inseparable from my identity as a human, but I don’t have to necessarily make those things my personality if I don’t wish to!

My parents had me young and tbh I don't think they deep down wanted kids. They've always been too busy for anything children related.

I was expected to manage a lot myself. At the end of the day our money comes from our parents. If they don't give you any in that awkward stage before you get your first job, you're not much different to a child in Delhi with no money

At college (16-18) the govt used to give £30 a week to kids of low income parents. My parents took it saying I'd spent it. And they'd give me their money.After a lot of drama due to not getting enough for my life stage needing clothes, a phone etc, when I got the card back half of it was spent. Their excuse was really that money was because of their low income.

Then I went to University after taking a year out to earn any money. They struggled to help me at all, even for a bus pass or anything at all. And at one point asked me to take a loan for their mortgage.

When I had my first job it was expected for me to pay rent. All the while remittances were going crazy. That first job was also very heavy lifting 20kg tile boxes in a warehouse all day. I hurt my back there and was out of action for several years. I had money taken at one point from a box in my room which my mum told me or I would not have known.

I found to quite sad. The money was paid back but honestly I felt I'd have done better to move out and pay rent somewhere.

I had a mental health collapse after university. I cut my wrists in front of them and there was little change to reflect what I was going through. Arguments were constant and guests too till midnight. There was always open doors and house maintenance and all sorts

There were some good times but tbh not really. I was never really happy. They weren't too bothered about marriage until it suited their life stages. My job history wasn't stable so until 27 I couldn't move out.

There never seemed to be much sympathy for anything i went through. If I turned up sometimes they'd be going out. They did not really want to push their timings back. Other times they were at home, someone would turn up. Other times someone would phone for a long chat. I spent a lot of time lonely even if they were there in the room

I am writing this with a heavy heart. We are originally from pak but moved to canada almost 4 years ago. my mom got married when she was 20, so she has only studied till grade 12. we recently discovered my father has been talking to other women, asking them if they want to get married, and just talking to pass the time (basically fulfilling his lust). my mom told us this has been going on just 6 months after they got married and has not stopped until now. my mom recently found out that my father has been giving money to his past lover because she is struggling financially. Emotional cheating is not considered a big thing, at least in our conservative family. but my mom has been depressed. She is a traditional, religious woman, and she is also depends on my father, so idk if we can consider the possibility of separating them. but that is what i think is the best option atleast for a little bit until some sense knocks into my father. my mom makes really yummy food, so i was wondering if we could start any kind of home business, and start from small, we could ask for loan, i just want to make her enough independant that she can do whatever she wants, and maybe that buisness could work bcuz there is not that good enough desi food that you can find atleast in toronto. but my mom is so depressed that she doesnt feel like doing anything, and i dont know what to do, i want her to be happy. essentially why i am writing this is to ask for help and advice on what we should how i can make me mom feel better.