r/ABCDesis

I work with a wealthy Indian guy who’s a year younger than me and he’s friends with a bunch of other rich second gen Indians. All of them drop the N word constantly amongst each other. I don’t get why they think they’re cool saying it, they just look dumb as fuck. All of them talk about BMWs and Porsches that their parents paid for but they act like they worked hard for. They all say “type shit” and act 16 even though they’re all 23 years old. I’m very confused by the racist language mostly but they are very fucking annoying apart from that.

I'm the only abd I know with divorced parents. I know that like in general we have lower than average divorce rates for a variety of reasons, but there's gotta be at least some of you in this sub with divorced parents.

How did that go? Did your parents remarry? How did it affect you? How does it impact your family now?

To sum up a very long story, my parents divorced when I was 7. I don't know if their marriage was arranged or not and neither of them remarried afterwards. Initially I was tossed between them each week for a couple years, then my abusive mom got custody and I lived with her for about 5 years, one of them in India. I eventually got my mom to stop slapping me in the face by slapping her back.

I now live with my dad and I sided with him throughout the divorce. When I eventually learned that I was gonna move back in with my dad I definitely romanticized it. I definitely feel let down now. Part of it is his idea that respect equals servitude and that he always knows best because he's older, among other things. Also for some reason whenever he yells at me it affects me a lot. If anybody else yells at me my reaction is always "who tf are you and what authority do you think you have?"

Anyway, all this left me with ongoing mental health issues. I'm still tryna figure myself out because all this made me feel like I'm not in control of my life.

I would love to be a vegan/vegetarian for health and animal rights reasons, but I cannot. I'm such a carnivore; I love meat sm. I'm half desi, and my Austronesian mom's cooking growing up would always contain chicken, fish, or beef every day. I'm currently hosting a business client who's a mainlander and he is strictly vegetarian and no eggs. I'm taking him to vegetarian friendly restaraunts everyday and I'm secretly going insane. I live in a country where almost every food is cross-contaminated with shellfish, so I'm only bringing him to purely vegetarian joints like religious Indian restaurants or Chinese Buddhist restaurants. The food isn't bad at all, but ig as a carnivore it's lacking that extra pizzaz a piece of meat will give you lol. I do love veggies and eat them every day, but I need meat on the side. It's not me asking for advice; I very much could just grab a meat dish on my own after. I'm just realizing how unbuilt I am for this lifestyle lmfaooo. Much love and respect to the vegetarians, especially vegans.

Salaam!

I’m of Indian heritage, my family, like many other Indian communities been based in Africa for over 200 years.

I’ve moved to the UK a few years ago and have noticed that as a female I’m struggling to connect with the local community of people who either haven’t been out of India for a while, and those who have moved over.

Most of it is cultural and to some extent even the way we practice Islam.

I have 0 connection to India except the colour of my skin. There’s no family there, we don’t speak the language, we don’t have land nor have we ever visited.

Have any of you struggled with the same issue?

Older ABCD/Desis, what was interracial dating like for you in the 70s, 80s and 90s?

I’m curious to hear from some of the older ABCD/Desi crowd who grew up in Canada, the U.S., UK, or elsewhere during the 70s, 80s and 90s.

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who were second or third generation Canadians and were dating during that period. A lot has changed since then, so I’m curious what things were actually like back in the day.

Did you date someone who wasn’t South Asian? How did your parents react when they found out? What about your extended family? And how did your partner’s family feel about you? Did you ever experience pressure to end the relationship or marry within the community?

I’d also be interested in hearing about exclusion and social barriers at the time. Did you feel that being Desi made it harder to date outside the community? Were there places, social circles, schools, neighbourhoods or workplaces where you felt excluded or treated differently? Did interracial couples face more open disapproval or social pressure back then than they would today?

I’d also be interested in hearing whether things were different depending on where you grew up. For example, was dating outside the community more accepted in places like Toronto, Vancouver, Montreal, Calgary or smaller Canadian communities? And did you find that attitudes changed between the 70s, 80s and 90s?

I’m asking because I’m a third generation Canadian myself, and when I look back at my own experiences growing up and dating, I realize how different the social expectations were compared with what younger generations experience today. There were times when family expectations, community pressure and attitudes from both sides could make an interracial relationship much more complicated than it might be today.

I’m not trying to start an argument about interracial dating or make a generalization about Desi families. I’m genuinely interested in hearing how people from our generation experienced it firsthand, including the things that may have been difficult to talk about at the time.

So if you grew up Desi in Canada, the U.S., UK, or elsewhere during that era and had an interracial relationship, or even tried to date outside the community, what was your experience like?

How did your experience with acceptance, exclusion, family pressure and social attitudes compare with what you see today?

Feel free to share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with. I’d particularly like to hear stories from people who actually lived through that period rather than looking at it only through today’s lens.

This is crazy didn’t even know this existed in California

Anyone retire to India or planning to retire to India?

Not sure about the age makeup of this subreddit but I’m assuming there are older ABCDs lurking here.

As you know, most Americans think of Mexico, Belize, and Europe when considering retiring abroad for a lower cost of living and cultural enrichment as a bonus. Florida is the usual domestic spot for those looking to retire in the States while getting the sun and sea.

India (at least the tropical/beachtown locations) could be the better option for ABCDs looking to retire abroad. English is common in Tier 2 cities and higher and of course, you look like the natives so no issues with racism, I guess. Many cities in South India are very well developed. Food/water hygiene and infrastructure could be a problem but they are present in Mexico, Belize, and Costa Rica as well so it’s a wash. So tropical India could be good retirement destination for those of us who are already FIRE or getting there.

Has anyone retired to India or planning to do so? If so, what is your experience like? I’m thinking of retiring to Trivandrum or Pondicherry as that was most recommended for those who know only English and looking for tropical beach town vibes.

My parents are so judgmental and they often make lots of comment about things that I don’t agree with. But them saying those comments instills in me that xyz is inherently wrong. How do i just stop caring about that and live my life the way I want?

I am a 21 yr old indian guy living in a Scandinavian country. Unlike most of the indian students who have to work odd jobs to support themselves i have never done one because my parents are financially stable. I think i am a good student as well.

As you all know that hatred towards indians are becoming increasingly common, i am becoming more and more insecure. I used to be such a confident guy when i just moved to Europe. But now the situation is so bad i cant even look straight into the eyes of white people. I am scared to talk to them or approach them so i dont have a lot of friends as well. I have never faced racism in my life but it’s just the social media fear mongering.

I have 2 white friends. I would say they are not racist to me at all and i consider one of them to be my best friend. My dating life is 0 because every girl i look at i start thinking”why would she date an Indian.”

I have started telling people i don’t come from India if i meet some new people. I am getting scared day by day. But i genuinely want to live here and build a good life.

I am generally a very well groomed and clean guy. But still i hate the way i look and especially my skin tone. I have a very less medium brown complexion. I haven’t clicked a photo since 2 years. I am becoming more and more concerned day by day.

Please help me and please don’t be racist or angry in the comments. Its a request from the bottom of my heart. 🙏

I (19M) have a father who is always obsessed with hating certain people. Mainly he has a bloodthirsty hatred against all Middle Easterners including Kurds, Jews and even Turks. Funny he does not realize Cypriots.

My dad always thinks all Arabs are terrorist criminals and all Jews as baby killers. Whenever the holocaust is discussed he acts whataboutist and steers the fallacy to the experience of Islamism in Bangladesh.

You may think it is skeptical as my dad is Bangladeshi but my dad is a Hindu (I follow Islam). On top of that, he is pretty misogynistic and often preaches extreme Hindu beliefs to the poin in which not only he is Islamophobic but also antisemitic against the Jewish religion. I know Islamism is an issue in Bangladesh but this is just the other side of the coin.

Whenever I go out to eat with him, he tells me to avoid any mediterranean shop due to this fear.

The Middle East is not a monolith, while the Arabian peninsula is backward with honour killings and femicides, others are good atleast socially.

Is this an issue among non-Muslim South Asian parents?

It's all about dressing up, taking 100s of photos and dozens of reels. Posting everything on social media. Lots of drinking, fun, and nostalgic thoughts about an imaginary Onam back in Kerala

I've read that multiple articles wherein they have claimed that 1-1.5 million Indians are going to lose their visa. If it's true, would Canada finally see a drop in racist attacks against Indians? In my opinion if it was true, it would be beneficial for all ABC Canadians as well as other Canadians.

My moms is a text book narcissist and my dad is an enabler. He loves my sister because she is a medical doctor no matter how mean and selfish she is. I tried to commit in middle school because she bullied me so much ( my own sister) and now she’s a medical doctor and my dad bends over backwards for her.

My mom I am convinced is the literally devil. I’m mid 30s and I always thought this feeling would go away. She was my first bully and genuinely every interaction with her is hell.

Weird because my other siblings kind of see it but not really. I feel crazy when I try to expose her mean texts calling me a whore or mean when I don’t even do anything lol.

Therapy has kind of helped not really. I don’t even want to argue with them. I just keep quiet when I go home. Or just stay in my room but my siblings always tell me I’m being rude. I just can’t deal with the way they treated me and the sudden amnesia they’ve had the past years forgetting everything. I genuinely hate them.

I hate feeling angry bc I feel like it hurts my relationships when I get upset

Just want to know for the uk born and brought up lot .

Also the automod keeps deleting my post instantly so this is my 2nd time attempting