u/fengshwe

Hi all!
I’m a 26f Tamil woman dating a midwestern American caucasian man, and it’s my first serious, long term relationship.
To be honest, this has been the first relationship where I’ve felt safe, supported and loved.

However, I’m having trouble navigating an interracial relationship. There are several things that have been on my mind:

1. Dietary differences: I am vegetarian, he is not. We’ve been adjusting when we go out to eat, but cooking at home has been an issue. Whenever he cooks meat (bacon, chicken), it makes me queasy. I’m wondering if this is something that can work out successfully in the long run.
2. Language: I speak Tamil, with my friends, family, etc. I speak English with coworkers, friends, and my boyfriend. Naturally, i switch between Tamil and English.
3. Being able to speak Tamil at this age is something I pride myself on, and I’m afraid that I’ll lose my Tamil skills if I am constantly speaking English to him. Granted, he is learning Tamil for my sake, but I’m afraid it’ll never get to conversational level.
4. This concern also applies to when he comes and hangs out with my family—it’s hard to switch from Tamil to english to make sure he understands, or to constantly translate.
5. Culture: Since I grew up in the US, I’m quite familiar with American culture. However, I can sense he’s struggling to make sense of things in Indian culture.

For example, his entire extended family has met me, knows me as his girlfriend. I have not told my extended family because I want to avoid the questions about marriage.

Regarding families: He’s close with his family, but there’s a certain sense of detachment. His parents have that typical American mindset: you are an adult, you do what you want.” When we go to his house, we sleep in the same room. His family is totally ok with us moving in together before marriage.
My parents? The opposite. They don’t let us sleep in the same room and are not allowing me to move in until we are married. This is causing conflict, because my boyfriend’s perspective is, “You are an adult, you can do what you want.”
My parent’s perspective is, “Why do you have to move in with him first before marrying him?”
They assume that I can figure out compatibility without living together, but I disagree. A lot of things change after moving in together, and I want to explore that before planning a wedding…

I know that was a LOT, but I’d really love to hear how others are navigating their interracial relationships!

Thank you!

Hi all!
I’m a 26f Tamil woman dating a midwestern American caucasian man, and it’s my first serious, long term relationship.
To be honest, this has been the first relationship where I’ve felt safe, supported and loved.

However, I’m having trouble navigating an interracial relationship. There are several things that have been on my mind:

1. Dietary differences: I am vegetarian, he is not. We’ve been adjusting when we go out to eat, but cooking at home has been an issue. Whenever he cooks meat (bacon, chicken), it makes me queasy. I’m wondering if this is something that can work out successfully in the long run.

2. Language: I speak Tamil, with my friends, family, etc. I speak English with coworkers, friends, and my boyfriend. Naturally, i switch between Tamil and English.
   Being able to speak Tamil at this age is something I pride myself on, and I’m afraid that I’ll lose my Tamil skills if I am constantly speaking English to him. Granted, he is learning Tamil for my sake, but I’m afraid it’ll never get to conversational level.
   This concern also applies to when he comes and hangs out with my family—it’s hard to switch from Tamil to english to make sure he understands, or to constantly translate.

3. Culture: Since I grew up in the US, I’m quite familiar with American culture. However, I can sense he’s struggling to make sense of things in Indian culture.

For example, his entire extended family has met me, knows me as his girlfriend. I have not told my extended family because I want to avoid the questions about marriage.

Regarding families: He’s close with his family, but there’s a certain sense of detachment. His parents have that typical American mindset: you are an adult, you do what you want.” When we go to his house, we sleep in the same room. His family is totally ok with us moving in together before marriage.
My parents? The opposite. While they’ve met him, they are not completely convinced. They don’t let us sleep in the same room and are not allowing me to move in until we are married. This is causing conflict, because my boyfriend’s perspective is, “You are an adult, you can do what you want.”
How do I explain to him that it’s not the same?

I know that was a LOT, but I’d really love to hear how others are navigating their interracial relationships!

Thank you!