No fluff, Brutal honesty
I have a daughter that is about to turn two and have been stay at home since she was born. But, Im starting to think I'm not good at this, or cut out for it fellas. Its not the obvious stuff we all talk about either. Im good at handling everything with her and I keep the house going great, have a supportive wife, etc. My issue is me. I don't think I feel how im supposed to feel. Of course there are great moments that I feel blessed to have, and will never forget, but for the most part, im literally just trying to get through the day when she goes to bed, or when her mom takes her on weekends so I have time to myself. I look forward to that, and it feels like shit. I have immense guilt over it honestly.
I can only play at her level for 15 minutes at a time max and mentally, im done. I dont find enjoyment in it, and that feels fucked up. I can only do so many books, and I get annoyed. I don't show it obviously, but it seems very wrong to feel this way. I wonder if its because shes so young and communication is limited, and things we can do is limited, and will eventually get better as she gets older, but these are the most important and precious years and i dont feel like im present enough, and im really screwing this up. Being as lucky as i am to have this time with her, I feel like it should be impacting me on a deeper level, but its not.....It unfortunately feels like a chore alot of the time. Im a very big introvert, so I think that plays a part. My battery runs out quick with everyone, but it just really sucks its also that way with her. I just feel like an asshole.
Is this relatable? Or am I definitely an asshole?