r/StayAtHomeDaddit

Maybe this is just more of “being a dad” in general, but sometimes I feel like being a SAHD and having so much interaction and time to bond with my kid over these past few years has turned me in to an emotional mess at times.

I’m fighting generations of old school masculinity and emotional unavailability to be try and be the best father and husband I can, but it just makes things so damn chaotic at times.

For example, yesterday I’m getting ready to mow the lawn and picking up land mines from the dog, and all of the sudden I hear this almost squeaking sound. I look down and see a tiny baby bird just in the grass trying to move around. I don’t know if it was abandoned or fell out of the nest, but this thing was so tiny and helpless and I couldn’t for the life of me find a nest anywhere.

I’m holding this tiny baby bird for 5-10 minutes walking around the yard, poking my through trees and bushes to see if there’s a nest anywhere and one part of my brain is going “this is nature, it happens” and then the other part of my brain is replaying my daughter as a newborn coming home for the first time and just how much she’s grown and wondering if the mom/dad are frantically searching for their little one.

Don’t get me wrong, at the end of the day I’m glad I am (and a lot of us here as well as a lot of guys in general) are trying to be better with emotional availability, but it sure feels like it comes with a price, haha

Hello to all the dads out there. I’m a stay-at-home dad, although it wasn’t really by choice. I’ve struggled with my mental health, and lately I’ve been feeling pretty alone in my situation.

I’m wondering if there are other stay-at-home dads out there who can relate and would be interested in connecting. It would be nice to meet someone who understands what it’s like to be a dad, stay at home, and deal with some of these struggles.

Even just having someone to talk to or share experiences with would mean a lot.

Thanks for reading, and I hope everyone is doing well.

About 2 years ago we moved to RI and in the next year or two we might be moving to London. We've got a 3 year old and 5 year old(and a giant dog). I don't even know what to be worried about or how to find out what I should be preparing for. Does anyone have some "what I wish I knew before" advice for me?

It finally happened to me. I took my 11.5 month old daughter to the public playground to get her some time on the swings before taking a walk in a nearby park. There was a mom with her two kids there, playing on the bigger kid swings. Put my kid in the baby swing where she was all smiles. Then another two moms with children showed up. After a few awkward smiles and glances they informed me it was mommy and me time, not daddy and me. I explained I was a stay at home dad, didn’t realize there were specific times for the park, etc.

I’d gotten the stares before (I’m 6’2” and around 290-320lbs depending on day), especially at Michael’s, but ugh this one pissed me off. I told them I hoped the next time they wake up to use the bathroom they step on a LEGO barefoot.

Long story short: I got medically retired from the military over 2 years ago, and my wife joined about a month after I got out. We swapped roles. We now have 2 kids, a 5 year old and 1 year old. I love taking care of my kids. I love spending time with them. I have no complaints about that whatsoever. Yes, the chronic pain and ailments are a struggle, but it’s my kids and I try and push through. What I need advice on: My wife has been cold and short with me and has been bringing up divorce a lot, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. She thinks I don’t do enough around the house. I think it comes down to cooking and doing laundry when she’s talking about house chores, and other little things. I think I should cook at least a couple times a week, her food is definitely better. And when she cooks, it’s not like I’m not doing nothing, I’m taking care of both kids still. When she gets home, we work out a deal where she works out first and I take the kids, and I’ll try to workout when she’s done. Sometimes I don’t cus time flies, I don’t want to rush it, and I consider her fitness priority cus she’s in now. I go to PT Friday evenings too. That’s usually how are weekly evenings go. I put down 1 kid and she puts down the other.

Her problem with me is a combo of a lot of “the little things” and she says she’s pulling more of the weight, and I’m not doing enough. I also understand work can be very stressful, but she’s pretty lucky to have a decently normal work schedule. She goes to work at 730 and is home by 3ish. She doesn’t have to do any 24 hour duties any months. It’s not to say that she still wouldn’t have stressful days at work, she has. She’s even had creeps at work that she’s had to deal with through the chain of command. So I understand stress, but I’m not a punching bag and I need her to be patient with me. She claims she is, but she’s mostly not from my perspective. She’s short with me, can be sweet one moment and cruel another, and I constantly walk around eggshells.

Mind you, I spent the last year, now going on year 2, getting our kid to school and managing our baby at home. I don’t know how she doesn’t see that. Yes, it’s my responsibility, and I’m not looking for pats on the back. But when I feel attacked as if I’m not doing anything, I gotta use my responsibilities as a defense mechanism (and I hate doing that).

She asked me what I would do and where I would go if/when she leaves me. That was a gut check for me. I don’t have a good relationship with my family back home (2 states away), and she knows that. I’m not going there to be far away from my kids, that’s not an option. I guess I could get a place off base, but I don’t want to be away from my kids and that’s not something I’ve even been planning for cus who tf plans for that when you’re married and talking about other plans as a couple, especially financial plans and buying a house.

I don’t know if this happens with SAHDs. You always hear about marriages falling apart with SAHMs, so I assume it goes both ways. But I’m literally trying my best, our kids are happy and thriving, we’re doing well financially (not where we’d like to be, but also not struggling cus I get my pension and she gets her pay), the house is hard to keep clean but we still clean and don’t let it get trashy or filthy (but that happens when you have little ones), and I’m very supportive with her work and patient with her.

She’s about to go on a week work training, and dropped a divorce thought or bomb on me. I don’t know what to do or think. I’m hurt, but I’m more confused. Like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I don’t talk to people. I should but military moves a lot, im not about to make a deep bond with some other mom, and some dads I talked to sound like they hate their wives so im not gonna talk to them about that either, im pretty isolated.

Anything helps I guess…

In a couple weeks my daughter starts kindergarten. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’ve been a stay at home dad since she was born.

I was a teacher before being a SAHD.

Part of it is I’m so used to being around her all the time. The other part is that schools aren’t what they used to be.

Any thoughts?

Anybody on trt or have in the past? Ive been seeing it everywhere but dont know what's a paid advertisement or real these days.

Hi, everyone! Long time listener, first time caller! So, check it out: I’ve got a 2 year old we’ve been potty training (pull-ups) for about 5 weeks now. She pees on the potty pretty consistently. Almost every trip to the potty starts with a pretty dry pull up and ends with a pee or an “I wait.” The problem is poop. She will not poop on the potty. I’ve found her windows and have her on the potty at the right time almost every time. The problem is that she hides and squats and refuses to go to the potty when the time comes. Even with one right there. She’d rather go in the pull-up. Which, is part of the process, I get it, but here is the problem: she then likes to pick it out of her diaper and place it in her food truck toy thing. Right in the holes the smoothies go in. It’s fun to clean. Or, she runs up and puts it in my hand with a proud smile and a proclamation of “Poop nuggets!” Yes, the name is definitely my fault, but that’s a whole other story. Anywho, everyone I’ve talked to says that the recognition means she’s making progress, but like, what the hell do I do here? I’ve been cleaning her up, changing the diaper, washing her hands, and flushing the poop with her while gently explaining that’s where the poop goes. Oh, she’ll also put it in her living room potty and bring the potty to me so I can see. So, she knows where it goes. I just don’t know how to break the picking it out to get it there. Any advice would be great. If you just wanna stop by and laugh, I get that too. Thanks!

No idea how to title this. My 13yo has been getting herself up the last week at about 530. I don't get up til 6:00 through the summer. When I asked her why, she told me she was getting her body back on the school schedule as she needs to be ready to leave by 6:10 and wants time to take a shower.

I am stunned. We do this every school year, but she's the first who has decided to do it herself. I've got to be the luckiest parent alive right now.

Hi. This sub isn’t for me but I lurk and (very rarely) comment to get a better understanding of my husband’s experience. Tonight, I need your help.

My 3 yo just asked me why his dad is his mom. It’s unreal how early the brainwashing and conditioning start. After I told him that “dad isn’t mom— he’s dad” he explicitly cited the fact that dad cooks as proof that he’s mom.

So, I want to diversify the bookshelf. Please hit me with your best recommendations for books where any of the following are true:

1. Dad stays at home and mom/partner works outside the home
2. Both parents work and both parents nurture/do housework (think Bluey but in book form)
3. Moms working outside the home…at all

The dad being at home or doing domestic labor doesn’t have to be the whole plot- in fact it would be ideal if it weren’t. I’d like it to just be…normal.

Thank you!!

*Edit to remove a few words so it’s easier to just see the ask here

my coworker, sarah(not real name), told me something interesting yesterday. her son, liam, is 8 and recently broke his piggy bank to buy a new toy without asking her. she found out because he hid it and accidentally left the wrapper on the kitchen table. she wasn't mad about the toy itself, just concerned about why he hid it from her. they talked it over, and she realized he might not fully trust her reactions to things. it got me thinking about how and when kids start learning about trust.

if you have kids, or were once a sneaky kid yourself, when do you think kids start to understand trust? was there a moment or story that made it click for you?

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I know this might be off-topic, but in the manosphere, the claim was that a woman would never be interested in a man shorter than her.