r/StayAtHomeDaddit

I am the dad of a 2 year old with very strong verbal skills - he will repeat pretty much anything his mom and I say at home. We listen to adult podcasts on the way to/from daycare and on weekend road trips and we got pretty self-conscious about the amount of casual swearing.

A couple weeks ago I made https://beepcasts.com/ so that I can listen to pods around the baby without worrying about F bombs here and there. Let me know what you think, any feedback welcome!

The clankers are coming for our SAHD jobs! It’s us vs them fellas.

Actually, it’d be nice to have someone(thing) do the chores while the kids and I are at the park or watching the World Cup.

Happy Sunday my dudes.

Just curious if there was anything that ever really knocked your socks off as a gift or gesture from family, partner or maybe even a fellow Dad?

Has anyone else been struggling to keep their kids hydrated now that it's so hot outside? Mine will happily ask for juice or literally anything with flavor but a glass of plain water somehow becomes a battle every single time. I'm trying really hard not to rely on sugary drinks just because they're easier. Curious what other parents have found that actually works.

I've been a stay at home dad for almost 3 years now, I have a 3 yr old and 1yr old. I've been working nights in kitchens to keep a roof over our head while wifey works days to keep the bills paid and children fed. I'm facing burn out and extremely long days. I've been looking for gigs that I can work from home but competition is tough and positions are limited. What other industries/jobs are there to find work that I'm missing in my searches?I am available only when she is not at her 9-5 weekday career. I have 10 years experience in construction, and even more in food service. I have a bachelor's degree in fine art. I was always a good student from grade school to high school and in college. Always on honor roll often with high honors. I feel like I've done everything right in life but we are still drowning in student loan debt and bills. I have not been able to afford a vehicle since my truck's engine gave out unexpectedly almost 5 years ago. Please any advice will help thank you.

Edit: Again I am looking for career options with evening/weekend availability or something I can do from home while I watch the children.

Created a throwaway account to try to remain anonymous.

The gist of it is this

I’ve (44m) have been a stay at home dad for our two boys, 7yo and 10yo, since they were born. I’ve literally only been apart from them 5-6 days ever, and 5 of those days were just 2 months ago.

Their mom came to me friday, 52 hours ago, and said, we need to talk.

She proceeded to tell me that things have not been good for years, and that she found someone else attractive and she was looking for my okay to pursue that. We could keep being roommates, which we basically have been doing for a few years now, and raise our kids. She wouldn’t bring her lover around and “I wouldn’t even have to tell you about when I was doing it, or talk about it.”

Needless to say, the last 52 hours have been brutal for me emotionally. I have a therapist appointment tomorrow and hopefully meeting with a lawyer this week at some point. We’re not married, but the house is in both our names.

For the past 10 years, while she was able to focus 100% on her career, which she gives me ZERO credit for, conveniently. Over doubling her salary, because when any opportunity came up who was the person in her corner saying, “Absolutely! Go for it. If I were you I’d take that opportunity.” It doesn’t matter if it means more hours, and international travel. I’ve got this under control.

All of those lonely days I spent doing all that you all know we do everyday just to keep a house functioning. Means nothing. How much did I get paid for those 10 years? Zero. How much went into my retirement. Zero.

I’m putting this out there for you just starting this path. Talk about pay, talk about retirement. And don’t be like me, continue to learn and develop marketable skills. I know you don’t think you have time, or the energy, but you must dig deep to find it.

Of course my situation is different. Our relationship died a long time ago, and I didn’t save it, or make her feel heard, seen, or loved. Her constant criticism’s about any and everything I did and how I did them slowly drained me of any desire to pursue her.

I should have gone back to work years ago so I could get myself back on my feet financially. We weren’t ever really partners if I’m honest. I was her free labor, and she was the one who paid the bills so I could “sit around and do nothing” and “live the life you couldn’t have any other way”, and disregarding the irony that she couldn’t have had the career trajectory and the family without her cheap labor at home.

I don’t know, I’m all over the place right now. The pain is so raw and real and brutal. I just hope someone can filter out the bitterness in my emotionally raw rant, and see that you should protect and advocate for yourself if you are starting down this path, or if you’re midway.

I know, for a 100% fact, the best use of the last 10 years of my life was raising these boys. I wish I would have done a lot of things differently. But I don’t regret the sacrifices I made, I only wish I would’ve thought more about my own future and protected myself, maybe started therapy sooner, and definitely went back to paid work two years ago. It’s just been so much easier for us all for me to do gig work when it worked with school.

It’s been the greatest honor of my life to help guide these wonderful creatures on the beginning of this journey called life. I’m still going to be here for them, possibly even more so, depending on how this shakes out, even if I see them less. Meaning, maybe spending less physical time with them will mean more quality time with them, without having to manage someone else’s particular ways.

Sorry for the novel and the brain dump. It’s been a hell of a weekend, and I have to be up for work in 4 hours.

I’ll end this with…

Knowing what I know now, even if I knew from the jump that it was going to turn out this exact way, would I do it all again? In a fucking heart beat, I wouldn’t have to think about it for a second.

Hey r/StayAtHomeDaddit,

I'm a father to a 5 year old daughter who starts Kindergarten this summer, she'll be in school from 7:00 AM to 2:30 PM. My wife works 3-4 days a week from 7-7 (Sometimes AM to PM, sometimes PM to AM). So, to make life easier, I decided to be a "SAHD" even though she's in school. Although we live comfortably, I'd love to make some money while my daughter is in school.

I've seen plenty of posts in SAHM subreddits but none of the recommendations seem to really fit me, they're mostly in female-dominated workplaces. Just looking to see if anyone had any ideas as to what jobs would work within that schedule and wouldn't require weekend shifts. I've looked into jobs as simple as retail, but they often require holiday/weekend hours. I'm really open to anything, but I do have a BA in Accounting (with no work experience).

Thanks in advance!

My husband was recently told by his work that they would be letting him go. Between the two of us I make the larger salary and we just had our second kid. He started looking at the numbers and made the case to me that we would be better off with him staying at home with our kids (3yr and 2mo) and not having to pay for two kids to go to daycare.

Up until this point my husband worked like 60hours a week and had a long commute. So even though we both work for the past 3 years I’ve done the majority of cooking, cleaning, childcare pick ups, doctors appointments etc. While I have 12 weeks FMLA my husband only had 2 weeks off after our 2nd baby was born. So he has never been on his own with both kids. On weekends it’s either all 4 of us together or we “divide and conquer”. Although our eldest goes to daycare on weekdays I usually have both kids by myself for a few hours each day before and after “school” while my husband is at work.

I’m really worried about my husband adjusting to the SaHD role. Like I said up until now I’ve been the “default parent” so it would mean him taking on a lot of new responsibilities he hasn’t had before. Also, he says he feels like he lacked community due to his work hours/ long commute but I worry he will still feel really isolated taking care of the kids without another adult around. Lastly, until now a lot of his identity and sense of self worth has been wrapped up in his career and I’m worried about how he will adjust to leaving that career behind.

He is a brilliant man and a loving father but I know this will be a challenging transition for him.

Im looking for advice on how to support him and help him thrive as a SaHD. Thank you in advance.

My time as a SAHP has evolved to this. My wife has me do everything. I get I am the homefront. But I didn't check when report cards are issued electronically from our kids' school? That's on me. House isn't in a basically professional clean state? That's on me. I have not been able to keep up with the entire house for sometime, although dishes are always done, kitchen always clean, laundry always done, floors, surfaces, etc., but things like the kids' socks aren't sorted, the toys are a mess in the little kids' room, etc., apparently *all* of that is on me.

I'm also the sole driver. The only logistics coordinator. The only timekeeper. The only chef. The food parent. 98% of the time the only grocery store runner. I could literally run a small hotel at this point.

We had a very stressful day today; my wife was MAD at me all day because a 2 1/2 hour round trip drive to where we're moving in a month wasn't possible by the time she was ready to leave after a work call and what she wanted to do in the house AND make it back in time for the last day of school pick up where there's a celebration for the 5th graders (my oldest) since they are graduating from elementary school.

I told my wife point blank once we set off for this journey we wouldn't make it back in time. She was livid.

Later tonight, she said I never got a job! Anything! I didn't do anything to get a job outside the home. I told her I barely ever even went to the gym and all my time was spent either helping her or our kids or taking care of all household tasks and any free time was literally spent grocery store runs, bringing a forgotten item to my wife at work (her work ID, happened multiple times), making an extra trip to the kids' school for something, doing all tasks and errands and basically acting as my wife's personal assistant (helping with expense reports, making lunch reservations, etc.) These are all manageable tasks, but my God, if I literally went and got any job, some other person would have had to take over my multiple "jobs" here at home.

How do you even begin to deal with it?

Feel free to ask anything

I’ve been a SAHD for a couple years now and we just had another baby in March. My wife heads back to work next week, and I’m getting anxious about how I’m going to handle a 2 year old and a 3 month old.

The 2 year old is not in daycare or preschool but she has great routines at home.

The infant struggles to nap on his own and most of his naps are contact naps. Luckily, he sleeps great overnight in his bassinet for 9-10 hours straight every night (knock on wood) and we greatly appreciate that and realize how lucky we are for that.

But for the day, I just don’t know how I’m going to manage getting him down for his naps while making sure I’m not neglecting my 2 year old or sticking her in front of a TV for hours a day.

Any dads of 2+ kids with any advice, I’m all ears. The 2 year old starts a preschool program in the fall, just 2 days a week in the mornings. This is really just to work on getting her social skills up to par as she’s still really shy around friends and neighbors

Thanks in advance!

Do you split gardening 50/50 or is that the stay at home parent's job too?

Apparently, that's a thing when it comes to tradwives/stay at home moms sometimes, there's a "gardening kikimora" in the Puyo series, and a "gardening mama" cooking mama game, but I don't think it makes sense.

I think cooking and cleaning tie in with parenting better than gardening does. Gardening can tie in with cooking, I guess, but I only have an interest in growing moon flowers, a few vegetables/herbs/teas, maybe a bit of now legal marijuana for the weekends (emphasis on "maybe" because I understand setting a good example for the kids can be important)

I would just grow clovers instead of grass if it meant I didn't have to mow that crap every week (and wouldn't have to worry about soil depletion) and had some way to deal with the bees that clovers attract.

Looking for advice. My son (2 years old) cries daily about this and it’s really sad.

I find this happens on two levels:

1. When my son is trying to play with their kids they will move their kids along from us. Not all moms but most. It will always be done kindly, like, let that boy play on this jungle gym, we’ll go to the other.

And, even more sadder,

2. I’ve seen so many mom groups get together for playdates or just doing the same activity at the same time, but when I ask if we can join I get, of course, but then I’m never told about it, or ignored from the get go.

My aunt told me it’s because they’re afraid it’ll look like they are trying to cheat on their husbands or something…which I feel is ludicrous.

I don’t care about being ostracized but my kid doesn’t understand it. He is very much internalizing the fact that he isn’t worthy to play with and I’m really worried about it.

I never see stay at home Dads, either, and I know no one in my area (we moved here to have kids) so we are very isolated. No grandparents even. We’re so screwed.

About a month ago my 3 year old son and I were hanging out. He reached up my sleeve to touch my arm pit and my immediate reaction was to jump up and say “get out of dem stinky pits?” He pulled his hand away and started to laugh. A lot.

Fast forward a couple weeks and now he is either trying to be sneaky and get into my stinky pits or he will sincerely ask me to touch my stinky pits.

But it’s not just a quick touch now. He will rub them in the most stinkiest of times and just take a big sniff of his hands and say “mmmm stinky.” Or he will offer the stinky to me saying “do you want some stinkys?” Or he will lick his hands after getting in there. Yes lick his hands with my armpit sweat on them.

Now I’m not like a stinky guy. I use deodorant and shower regularly but with the hot weather and my family is in the process of moving there has been more stink to go around.

At this point now I have expressed to him that this is my body and he needs to ask before touching me in places that I don’t feel comfortable. So now we will be cuddling or something and he will respectfully ask for the pits. OR try to sneak in a quick stinky pit hit when we are rough housing.

Is this normal behavior? Is this something that anyone else has experienced?

Please let me know if this isn’t allowed or direct me to where this has been asked before.

I am looking at being a stay at home dad here soon(next year or two). I’m financially planning. I plan to work one or two days a week for cash flow for weekday activities. But I’m curious about two things.

I’ve seen that you can collect your social security early - as a stay at home parent. Is this true and has anyone done this? We also plan to use our Roth IRA for paternity leave(don’t worry, we have a 401k with a 5% match too and a college 529), has anyone done this before?

Send help.

Don't know how else to explain it, but I feel like I had the negative Father's Day experience that lots of moms share. I cooked all 3-4 meals for the family (none of which were what I wanted to eat), got both kids bathed and dressed while my wife took a shower. Got harped on for my parents for being late getting to their house, and for my in-laws not replying to my dad's invitation (???). Got nice cards from the wife and kids but the gift my wife picked out was something I mentioned but said I had no use for. Just overall sort of an underwhelming day. Tough to share any of that because it'll just cause more issues.

I'm 32 years old and currently a stay-at-home dad to our 18-month-old son, living in Canada.

Before having children, I spent most of my 20s working jobs that didn't really lead anywhere. I didn't finish college until I was around 28 or 29, and I only worked in IT for about two years before becoming a full-time parent. I worked as a network / systems administrator.

My wife earns significantly more than I did, more than double and she works from home. Because her job requires a lot of concentration, and because we personally weren't comfortable putting our son in daycare before he could really communicate, it made the most sense to us for me to stay home with him.

We're considering preschool or kindergarten around age three, but we're also planning to have a second child. Realistically, that could mean another three or four years as the primary caregiver.

The problem is that I'm struggling with a lot of anxiety about my career and my future. I feel like I got a late start professionally, only had a couple of years in IT, and now I'm worried that by the time I return to work my skills will be outdated and employers won't want me.

I also struggle with feeling like I've lost part of my identity. I sometimes feel guilty that I'm not the main breadwinner, even though staying home makes the most sense for our family financially and practically.

On top of that, when I take my son to parks or activities, I'm often one of the only dads there. I sometimes feel judged or like people think it's strange that I'm the one staying home.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, either as a stay-at-home dad or after taking a long career break? How did you cope with the anxiety about your career, identity, and returning to work later on?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been through this.