u/LissGoogleAcct

With the parade and everyone parking in whatever spot they can find, this would be a good night for PE to check out all the church parking lots. If I was working for them, I'd check those first and make bank.

When we moved into our current ward, and had our first meeting with the Bishop regarding our financial and food assistance needs, the Bishop found out that my husband went to jail and has a history of violence (he flat out asked and we were honest). After telling him, our Bishop always had someone else in the room with my husband.

We caught on pretty quick that the Bishop wanted someone else for either his own safety concerns, being a witness, or to help the Bishop feel at ease. We asked him bluntly, "Why is there always someone in the room for these meetings? Is it because you feel uncomfortable or unsafe since you learned about the criminal history?" But he always denied it with some weird excuse saying something like, "No, I just need help/No, he's here to make sure I'm doing things right", etc. (We also found out the Bishop was a retired cop the first day we met.)

The Bishop never knew about my own charges, so he didn't have a second person in the room when it was just me and him for meetings regarding food assistance - which confirmed our suspicions. I felt like I was being mistreated in a way.

Whenever the Bishop and a random EQ's member was in the room, I was asked to leave so they could talk to my husband about our finances. Every financial meeting, I was asked to wait in the foyer or not come. My spouse would ask the Bishop, "Why are you asking my wife to stay out of the meetings? She's my wife. She should stay." Yet, I was strictly insisted by the Bishop and his EQ's elders that I "was not to come." It offended us both and would escalate into very tense and contentious moments with both of us leaving the meetings very mad and confused.

It wasn't until about a year attending our ward that the Bishop stopped having someone else in the room for our meetings with my husband, showing something changed. The Bishop never apologized to me about leaving me out of the meetings about money, and I was never allowed to attend them.

This experience caused a lot of resentment and pride, but it also taught us to be more humble - in the hardest way.

For the first year, we wanted to leave and find a different ward that didn't treat us so differently. I wanted to heal and forgive. I felt hurt that I was asked to leave because of "money talk". I felt like I wasn't important enough to be involved in conversations relating to finances and my worth or value didn't mean anything. It upset both me and my husband for so long that I was tired of feeling angry. I just wanted to feel peace again. I prayed for help to forgive and heal. I asked Heavenly Father if we were meant to leave the ward we hate or stay and work through our feelings. I didn't want to lose my testimony or become inactive. My husband was even talking about becoming inactive and that really scared me.

That same week on Sunday, I was called to be in the Service Committee. I took that as my answer to stay and committed to healing. I apologized to the Bishop for my pride and prayerfully worked through my feelings by remembering Christ went through this and more for me.

2.5 years into the same ward, and I am in love with it. Thankfully, my husband is too which I never thought was possible after all that. He got his temple recommend right after my endowment. Now, our family is waiting for one day to be sealed together in the Temple with our 2 year old daughter.

I learned that people aren't perfect and make mistakes. Even Bishops and church leaders. Just like Joseph Smith, he wasn't perfect and made his own mistakes.

I am so grateful for that experience, even though it was awful, I would go through it again just to learn the humility I needed to. I can say I fully forgave our Bishop and those involved. I see what the Lord was doing as I look back. He really knows better.

Neighbor walks his dog over to me and my toddler. We chat while the dog poops. Neighbor finishes eating his chocolate muffin, letting his dog eat the left over pieces he drops from the ground. He uses a single ripped napkin (from the muffin) to pick up the dog's poo. Napkin rips entirely so he just grabs the freshly warm worm-like poo and tries to contain it in his one hand, then proceeds to shove it into his pocket. OK.

He heads home. I go inside my home to gag privately.

4 days later, we see each other again. He offers cookies while I'm talking with another neighbor and her kids. To be polite, I accept them..

I went home to inspect them. They looked fine, smelled fine. He said he sells cookies and wanted to offer a few. Hmm..

Thoughts?

I love him so much. I know the Savior's atonement is there to use as a gift for us and I know the Lord loves him. He wants to repent, and that helps to know.

I am endowed and he is not. We have a toddler and hope to have at least one more child in the future. For the last 2 years together, I (still) want more than anything to be sealed as a family one day... But hearing he relapsed is devastating. At the same time, there is a peace I cannot explain.

I feel like I'm being carried through my sorrow and held onto by mighty hands. When I cry, I feel peace and comfort, even though I want to feel depressed. My natural self wants to mourn and grieve but my spirit feels the complete opposite. I want to be supportive and loving towards my husband as he applies Christ's atonement, working through this addiction so he can be clean again.

I hope and pray that I don't say the wrong thing or act the wrong way as his wife. He cast the first stone on himself, so I don't need to criticize or guilt him, nor do I want to. I just hope I don't mess this up. It's easier to remember that I once had these same addictions before we married and I had to fall very low before I could rise higher than I've ever been spiritually.

I hope this gives someone out there some comfort or strengthens them in some way, drawing closer to the Savior and our Heavenly Father.

RANT/ADVICE:
Bedding, couches, and pretty much anywhere he sleeps begins to smell and stain yellow after one use. It's disgusting. I've pointed out to him about how bad it is and having him smell his own pillow cases. I ask him if he can tell how bad it smells and he says, "yeah, it's pretty bad." That's it. No change. He doesn't change anything to fix it. Oh and his pillow case is wet when he gets up.

I wash our bedding once a week but I'm wondering if I have to wash his pillow cases and bedding every few days or request he showers daily instead of every 2 days. He's bald and sweats easily. He sometimes sleeps on the couch, and now it's smelling like a sour vinegar-y smell too. (To add my stress, we use coin laundry and go through $40 worth of coins in a day because of how much laundry we have (toddler+parents+towels+blankets+bedding+everything) and how small the washers are. I'm SICK of laundry. It's almost as if he is "oozing" this nasty stuff out of his body.

I checked his white dress shirts in the closet and noticed yellow body residue-like smudges around his collar and wrist sleeves area. His pillow (without the case) is also stained yellow.

Now, I'm starting to smell if off my toddler's hair.. Which puts me in a freaking out/panic mode to wash her immediately.

I'm disgusted and Idk how to get him to change his hygiene/routine.

What is happening? Why is he leaking this yellow vinegar-y/sour smell? How do I convince him to make changes to be more.. clean?
Please help!

EDIT: He does his own laundry + bedding and all, I just do it again.