r/latterdaysaints

title asks

I have been thinking lately and growing up and as a young adult in the Church. If you asked me what the general United State citizens view on Mormons were I would answer with

"I think they view us a quirky bunch, with large families, high morals, but overall as nice and kind people. While some might not like us I think in general they respect us."

If you asked me now I would say

"I think people are a bit more wary of us, the more religious groups of people see us as kind but not true believers of Christ, and the less religious people see us as outdated bigoted who have fallen for a billion dollar scheme. I don't think the majority of people respect us."

This thought led me to a few questions.

1.) Do you share similar thoughts, or do you feel like opinions on us have stayed the same generally.

2.) If you do think we are viewed more negatively now why do you think that is?

3.) What if anything could we as members (or if done respectfully what can the leaders of the church) of the Church do to help our overall image?

I have been thinking about this a lot lately and would like to hear your thoughts. Thanks

I appreciated the humor, sermon, and instruction.

Recommend to listen to the BYU devotional if you haven’t yet.

I love to serve. I see miracles from serving. I am optimistic about serving, but I also don’t want to run faster than I have strength.

I want to be realistic with an optimistic slant. I want to be more committed, better at serving, but also not beat myself up when it’s a situation I can never win.

Ok, story. We have a sister in our ward that we both have put under our wing, but has also latched onto us. She’s single (divorced abusive husband years ago), has had a tough life, has physical issues (can walk, but her back doesn’t allow her to do much standing or carrying.) And she has no family here in this country, and her home country she left decades ago have only a handful of cousins left.

She loves our young children. She has a lot of love in her heart, and we love her so much.

The issue is, she needs so much help, but she is sometimes hard to serve.

ok, this is just venting at this point, but I need to get it out to the void, because I don’t want to vent to ward members. I hope nobody in my ward gets on this app.

- She calls last minute for desperate help sometimes. Sometimes last minute is warranted, sometimes it‘s something she should have had planned at least 24 hours before. But she’ll call 2-4 hours before. So many times.

- She only likes her 3-5 people. It’s usually people in high stress callings. And she doesn’t disclose that she has a network of people helping her. She often says “nobody will help me”, when the day before, someone from the ward helped her with something.

- She doesnt respect time. Her home culture, I believe, is more loose with time. (If you come over, you stay for five hours and cook together.) But she doesn’t want to be part of the language branch. (Drama.) So she’s trying to have service from white people with the expectations of her home culture. And she gets very upset if people say “I can’t stay long”, and “I need to go”. Like, tears and “do you know how this makes me feel”, and not asking that sister for help ever again, because they seemed rushed.

- That being said, if you do not have a time you need to leave, she will keep asking you for favors for hours. Someone stayed until 2:00 in the morning. (again, her culture isn’t as rigid with time. I know this because I get texts from members in the branch at late hours.) When she does serve you, and invites you for dinner, she’s expecting you to stay for 5+ hours.

- She doesn’t usually compromise on her needs. It’s hard for her to drive, and I told her I would help her with Walmart pickup. She refuses because she doesn’t want other people picking out her groceries.

- Other things make me feel like she has OCD. When her health was bad and she was in physical rehab, she wanted help showering twice a day. She compromised to 1 shower a day. Getting rides, she takes a long time because she doesn’t want people to see her without makeup and nice clothes on.

- And if we push back on any of this, she gets emotional and sends huge texts about how people don’t understand all she’s going through. Which is a lot. It‘s so much, I never want to be in her shoes.

- She really needs someone to talk to for hours. I wish I could give that to her. But I think she wants each bit of service to be overflowing with love and compassion. she never wants to feel like a charity Project. She asks for service and help, but I think she mostly wants love and bonding. And someone vent to. Which I totally get, but i don’t have it in me each time.

- She has an incredible conversion story and she’s served so much since then, according to her Friends from her previous ward. they say it’s weird for her to need service. But it feels like she holds everyone to the standards she served herself. (Dropping everything at 2:00 am, driving across town with not a second thought. Centering your life around the person in need.)

- She quickly assumes the worst if if I don’t text back. I told her I’m not having people come to the hospital room when my baby is born. She then assumed I don’t trust her.

- she really wants a family. But It is hard that she wants to be a priority to young families with kids. Meanwhile there are senior sisters having lunch together, being friends, but she doesn’t seem to attach to them. (She’s in her early 60’s.)

All this said, I do love her so much. And she needs help. She needs love, and I want to help her. She can be so fun and loving, and I genuinely enjoy her company. But at the end of the day when i constantly have to choose between helping and enabling her, or setting boundaries and leaving her to fend for herself, I feel terrible.

Vent over.

In general, how do we help the needy when they are, as I hate to say, “Choosy Beggars”? People who need help and might really suffer without help, but when you come to help, they want things a specific way and will lash out when it’s not done that way.
My poor husband has a few more people like this that he helps a lot because of his calling. He has good boundaries, I don’t. But he still serves a lot. He’s a good example of having priorities right and having charity at the same time, but he is starting to get weighed down too

I think these situations are affecting my mental health. I will die on the hill that we should continue to be selfless, serving, and full of charity. But these cases, these “hard modes” get me in a funk. (Mostly because I’m a people pleaser, and don’t know when I’m doing things wrong or right. If someone is unhappy, or their needs aren’t met, I feel like I could be doing better.)

I want to be more Christ-like in this. Not in “just serve more no matter what”, but balancing service and boundaries with charity in my heart. Not feeling resentful when I serve, and not feeling guilty when I say “no.” (And when they don’t like that.) Having wisdom in this balancing act.

It sometimes affects how I feel the spirit, because good ole social anxiety gets turned up so loud, I cant feel much else.

tl;dr: How can we help those who need a lot of service, but are … difficult, for lack of a better word. Especially when we love them, enjoy them, and don’t want them to suffer.
How can we have charity and wisdom balanced with these children of God?

Please share experiences, but with some hope and faith. I’m not looking for depressing validation. Haha.

so my gran has decided to take me to church for the first time and i dont know what to expect and im quite nervous about it

I was sent for 2 years to Melbourne, Australia, and I have to say it was the BEST worst 2 years of my life.

Before my mission, I thought it was going to be this spiritually filled experience where I would see God’s hand every single step of the day, leading us to the Lord’s chosen and elect investigators. I imagined I would baptize families after families who all desired to follow God and join His true Church.

Of course, the reality was far from what I imagined.

In reality, it was 2 years of knocking doors for 8 to 10 hours almost every day in the Australian heat, in a place where people are extremely secular. You constantly get rejected, have doors slammed in your face, get mean things said to you, and sometimes even have things thrown at you. On top of that, you might get paired with some really difficult or even abusive companions.

So in that aspect, it really was the worst.

But at the same time, it was also the best because I learned a lot, grew a lot, and learned some super valuable lessons about dealing with people. I learned how to handle rejection, how to deal with difficult personalities, and how to keep going even when things don't turn out the way you expected.

It definitely wasn't the mission experience I imagined before I left

Hi All, I've been talking to some colleagues at the institution I work at (higher ed) about the experience that Church members here have. We're a tiny, but visible, minority. They asked me to share something that would help them quickly get up to speed on the basics of the Church and life as a Latter-day Saint. (e.g., a 20 minute YouTube video, podcast, etc).

I did a quick search and wasn't satisfied with what I found. There's an old Church-produced video from like 2012, but it feels a bit dated at this point. What suggestions do you have? The audience is mid-senior level administrators who work in the culture/inclusion office in a higher-ed institution.

Edit: Three more spots left. Let me know if you want in.

Hello all. I’m putting together a fantasy football league for members of this sub to join. It’s free to play and there are no prizes other than bragging rights. This will just be a forum for folks who like the game and this community. It will be a 12-team league.

If you’re experienced with playing fantasy football already, it will be PPR format with all of ESPN’s default scoring and rules. The only exception is I lowered the votes needed to veto trades. I’ll send a scheduling poll for the draft once the league is filled.

If you’re inexperienced but are interested to try, you are more than welcome to join. While the fantasy season does last several months, week-to-week, the minimum time needed to participate is just a few minutes, is completely dependent on your level of interest, and the amount you put in does not directly correlate to success as there is a good deal of luck involved. The draft at the beginning is the biggest time commitment, and you can also let computers assist if you don’t have that time.

What is expected is sustained participation throughout the season so that other users aren’t just facing empty uniforms each week. Additionally, if you are new, taking initiative to learn basics will be helpful. There are tons of resources out there to help orient you, and other members of the league will be happy to answer specific questions, but it’s a little difficult to explain from scratch how everything works over text. We could even create a Discord for the league if desired.

Feel free to ask questions or request the join link in the comments. If you want to maintain your Reddit level of anonymity, when you create a free ESPN account, you can use your username instead of your real name.

Hello,

I grew up non religious my whole life but lived and worked in Provo, Utah for many years. I always wanted to be a member but my parents and then husband never allowed it. Now that I'm an adult, I want to be a member and want to learn more. In terms of lifestyle, my lifestyle would not changed since I lived in Provo for a long time.

I'd appreciate any and all guidance.

TIA

Hi there, to start off, I’m a mostly faithful member that’s struggling with some issues regarding the concept of celestial marriage. Not so much with the doctrine but with some other aspects

I’m a 36 year old guy, single, and somewhat attractive, and really never had the chance to get married so far. I’ve prayed nearly every day for the lord to grant me an eternal companion, I’ve fasted for the same. I’ve done this since my mission. The thing is, I think the lord is punishing me and I’m cursed to be single in this lifetime. I feel like my prayers are unheard and unaswered. And the more I pray the more frustrated I get.

My mission president told me that if I was faithful I would find a companion within 6 months of being home. Obviously didn’t happen. My patriarchal blessing mentions a wife and family that I would be thankful for.

For years I had tried to attend the temple, but couldn’t go on saturdays for the longest time, as I kept getting more and more resentful seeing these perfect weddings and huge wedding parties. I absolutely hate being resentful in the temple of all places.

I’ve also found I might be dealing with scrupulosity and religious ocd. So the thought occurred to me that gos is withholding a spouse because all my sins have racked up and I’ve had problems with the law of chastity. These issues are in the process of being resolved, and I’m in the midst of the repentance process.

I tried asking my bishop, and he was dismissive and short, stating that these problems were my own making. Also that I need to put myself out there, which I am trying to.

So my real concern is, with my current thoughts, if celestial marriage is a commandment and a requirement to get into the celestial kingdom, and Heavenly Father wants us there, how could he withhold this blessing from me in particular and not hear or answer my prayers for the last 18 years? I’m trying not to be bitter with this as I feel it is a righteous desire to be sealed to an eternal companion.

Any insights or help is appreciated.

I am headed to our local temple tomorrow morning for the first time. Our Sister missionaries are carpooling with me. I have six names to bring for baptism & confirmation. In the process of researching my family tree, I've learned some interesting tidbits, including that the family my Father was adopted by as a baby has deeeeeeep lds roots. I never knew this! My parents and I (as well as pretty much all of my other family) are estranged due to their addictions & such.

Is it weird to be a bit emotional about this experience? I've spent a good portion of the day reading through a bunch of "memories" on family search & crying on & off. I kind of feel silly saying that. I messaged a friend to tell her of the things I found and she said she 100% believes that our ancestors on the other side of the veil can minister to us while we're here on earth. So now that's what I've been thinking on. Maybe my decisions to be baptized & become a member of the church weren't so random after all. Thoughts?

For context, I, 20F, am a service missionary. I've been on my mission a year, 6 months teaching, 6 months service. I'll be finishing the next 7 months as service as well. Since I'm a service missionary, I don't get financial support from the church. I have to live off of my parents' support, because they offered to pay for my mission before it began (when we thought it would be a consistent $400/month), and I don't have any way to make money now.

I have been struggling with my relationship with my mother. My father is very logical and he agrees oftentimes that my mom makes no sense. My mother has always been the type of person to change the narrative to suit her. (She's also a big fan of the silent treatment, though she will respond to me whenever someone who isn't in our family is around, so they can't see her ignore me asking where the InstantPot is or something.) One week its "why don't you just end your mission early and go back to school? We'll pay for it, just go back to school because it's so hard to go back to school once you start working..." (which would cost thousands?) and the next week its "you'll need to pay for those scoliosis xrays and any future appointments you have." (They agreed to continue paying for my medical treatment before my mission as well, so I don't have any savings to do this.) This kind of back-and-forth has caused me so much grief over the years, especially since it started before I was old enough to have a job.

The main issue I want to bring up, however, is how isolating it feels to be a representative of the Church when facing this sort of thing. Whenever I express how fickle my family is to friends, I feel like it gives them a bad idea of the Church, since I'm the only member they know. They know my parents are very religious and then they hear how I've been treated, and I think they connect the two together. So I'm afraid to vent to non-member friends, lest they associate the Church with poor parenting.

I hope this wasn't too rant-y, but I genuinely want to know how one balances venting to friends with keeping the Church in a positive light. Maybe the only way is to get a therapist...

tl;dr I'm financially dependent on my parents, my mom likes to threaten to not pay for things I need like gas, doc appts, I feel like I can't vent to non-member friends without hurting Church reputation. how do I cope?

I'm male, I'm primarily attracted to men, and I've been celibate by choice for several years. Overall, I'm content with my choice to be celibate, and I'm happy being single for the most part; however, I occasionally experience loneliness. I originally posted in the "Single and Happy" subreddit to try to get advice there, thinking that my post wouldn't be a problem, but many people were unfortunately rude to me because I didn't seem happy enough for their liking. One person even accused me of trying to invade her "safe space" as a single person, which wasn't my intention at all.

I'm looking for book recommendations and just advice in general on ways to cope with the occasional loneliness I experience. Solo by Peter McGraw is a book I plan to read, as well as Tenderness: A Gay Christian’s Guide to Unlearning Rejection and Experiencing God’s Extravagant Love by Eve Tushnet. I'm open to any other book recommendations and/or advice if applicable. Thanks in advance for any help.

We had a rousing homecoming yesterday... I now can see why the church has asked us to downplay homecoming events. The missionary's path on his mission was unique, he was mostly a service missionary, but spent the last 2 months as a performing missionary at a church historic site. He's a wonderful young man from a wonderful family, but WOW, what a production they did. Rousing piano/organ duets before, after, and during, solo singing by missionary, entire service mission on the stand singing, whole congregation standing during closing hymn (called to serve...I'm a convert so I didn't understand the "tradition"). Just absolute theater. Barely a word about the savior... Big luncheon afterwards. I watched our recent convert and she was loving it. I mentioned it to my wife and she said people were reacting to the emotion, and not the spirit. Made me think about other churches and their productions and how possibly people confuse the two. I guess it might be how people can confuse happiness with joy. Just thinking out loud here -- I'm sure other people in my ward are here on Reddit and know what I am talking about. Interesting day....

So as the title suggests I'm a non-LDS member (Catholic) and I'm planning on visiting a ward soon to learn about the LDS church and what a Sacrament Meeting actually looks like. What are some things I should know before I go?

My oldest daughter will be baptized on her birthday and wants a party separate from her younger sisters who have birthdays just before hers. It would be easiest to have family come to both if they’re together. How can we set up a nature-themed party (her choice) in the classroom and not detract from the baptism?

I still believe in the gospel.

I still believe that Sacrament is important.

But I've come to feel the rest is just fluff.

Once in a great while a talk is genuine and not just a talk of a talk.

Elders Quorum rarely has anything other than a lite discussion on this weeks topic.

Sunday school is just as light weight as everything else. People seem to be there out of habit.

It feels like things are phoned in and superficial. I don't see a church family so much as people doing what they think they should till they can get home and close the door. This isn't new, I've seen it growing for awhile in different wards.

So why bother to go to church anymore? Why not drop in every so often for Sacrament than bail? Who would notice or even care? What would I be losing by staying home? I have nothing to offer those I see in the hallways but wouldn't recognize in a store. I learn more from my own studies anyways.

Anyone else feel this way?