u/Introvert_Brnr_accnt

I love to serve. I see miracles from serving. I am optimistic about serving, but I also don’t want to run faster than I have strength.

I want to be realistic with an optimistic slant. I want to be more committed, better at serving, but also not beat myself up when it’s a situation I can never win.

Ok, story. We have a sister in our ward that we both have put under our wing, but has also latched onto us. She’s single (divorced abusive husband years ago), has had a tough life, has physical issues (can walk, but her back doesn’t allow her to do much standing or carrying.) And she has no family here in this country, and her home country she left decades ago have only a handful of cousins left.

She loves our young children. She has a lot of love in her heart, and we love her so much.

The issue is, she needs so much help, but she is sometimes hard to serve.

ok, this is just venting at this point, but I need to get it out to the void, because I don’t want to vent to ward members. I hope nobody in my ward gets on this app.

- She calls last minute for desperate help sometimes. Sometimes last minute is warranted, sometimes it‘s something she should have had planned at least 24 hours before. But she’ll call 2-4 hours before. So many times.

- She only likes her 3-5 people. It’s usually people in high stress callings. And she doesn’t disclose that she has a network of people helping her. She often says “nobody will help me”, when the day before, someone from the ward helped her with something.

- She doesnt respect time. Her home culture, I believe, is more loose with time. (If you come over, you stay for five hours and cook together.) But she doesn’t want to be part of the language branch. (Drama.) So she’s trying to have service from white people with the expectations of her home culture. And she gets very upset if people say “I can’t stay long”, and “I need to go”. Like, tears and “do you know how this makes me feel”, and not asking that sister for help ever again, because they seemed rushed.

- That being said, if you do not have a time you need to leave, she will keep asking you for favors for hours. Someone stayed until 2:00 in the morning. (again, her culture isn’t as rigid with time. I know this because I get texts from members in the branch at late hours.) When she does serve you, and invites you for dinner, she’s expecting you to stay for 5+ hours.

- She doesn’t usually compromise on her needs. It’s hard for her to drive, and I told her I would help her with Walmart pickup. She refuses because she doesn’t want other people picking out her groceries.

- Other things make me feel like she has OCD. When her health was bad and she was in physical rehab, she wanted help showering twice a day. She compromised to 1 shower a day. Getting rides, she takes a long time because she doesn’t want people to see her without makeup and nice clothes on.

- And if we push back on any of this, she gets emotional and sends huge texts about how people don’t understand all she’s going through. Which is a lot. It‘s so much, I never want to be in her shoes.

- She really needs someone to talk to for hours. I wish I could give that to her. But I think she wants each bit of service to be overflowing with love and compassion. she never wants to feel like a charity Project. She asks for service and help, but I think she mostly wants love and bonding. And someone vent to. Which I totally get, but i don’t have it in me each time.

- She has an incredible conversion story and she’s served so much since then, according to her Friends from her previous ward. they say it’s weird for her to need service. But it feels like she holds everyone to the standards she served herself. (Dropping everything at 2:00 am, driving across town with not a second thought. Centering your life around the person in need.)

- She quickly assumes the worst if if I don’t text back. I told her I’m not having people come to the hospital room when my baby is born. She then assumed I don’t trust her.

- she really wants a family. But It is hard that she wants to be a priority to young families with kids. Meanwhile there are senior sisters having lunch together, being friends, but she doesn’t seem to attach to them. (She’s in her early 60’s.)

All this said, I do love her so much. And she needs help. She needs love, and I want to help her. She can be so fun and loving, and I genuinely enjoy her company. But at the end of the day when i constantly have to choose between helping and enabling her, or setting boundaries and leaving her to fend for herself, I feel terrible.

Vent over.

In general, how do we help the needy when they are, as I hate to say, “Choosy Beggars”? People who need help and might really suffer without help, but when you come to help, they want things a specific way and will lash out when it’s not done that way.
My poor husband has a few more people like this that he helps a lot because of his calling. He has good boundaries, I don’t. But he still serves a lot. He’s a good example of having priorities right and having charity at the same time, but he is starting to get weighed down too

I think these situations are affecting my mental health. I will die on the hill that we should continue to be selfless, serving, and full of charity. But these cases, these “hard modes” get me in a funk. (Mostly because I’m a people pleaser, and don’t know when I’m doing things wrong or right. If someone is unhappy, or their needs aren’t met, I feel like I could be doing better.)

I want to be more Christ-like in this. Not in “just serve more no matter what”, but balancing service and boundaries with charity in my heart. Not feeling resentful when I serve, and not feeling guilty when I say “no.” (And when they don’t like that.) Having wisdom in this balancing act.

It sometimes affects how I feel the spirit, because good ole social anxiety gets turned up so loud, I cant feel much else.

tl;dr: How can we help those who need a lot of service, but are … difficult, for lack of a better word. Especially when we love them, enjoy them, and don’t want them to suffer.
How can we have charity and wisdom balanced with these children of God?

Please share experiences, but with some hope and faith. I’m not looking for depressing validation. Haha.

(not that this makes me a bigger fan, I just was swimming in the same environment as the show released. Deviantart was my favorite place then.)

TL;dr: Characters in animation were millennial characters in a sort of millennial world. It was a different world then. Netflix version is more adapted to Gen Z world, and the character changes reflect that.

Katara in OG was a Hermione equivalent. She was the girl power stuck in her Goody-two-shoes body, who wanted to make the world a better place.

This was before MeToo. This was when activism wasn’t as trendy. This was before even Gay marriage was legal in the US. This is when teens still, in the US, used “gay” and the r word as saying “dumb.”
Girl power was trendy, but from what I remember, it was not what it was today.

In short, Katara was a Millennial in a Millennial fictional world.

Zuko was part classic character we know and love, part emo joke. He was a brooding teenage who would have probably had black eyeliner.

He was a millennial guy.

Sokka was a dude who had an ego, liked girls, and was sexist. He was every teenager out there. He probably would have tried out for Football if he thought he could make it, but Most likely baseball. See Axl Heck From “The Middle”.

Sokka was a millennial.

Aang was more an Anime archetype, and Toph was a little ahead of her time. (not that there wasn’t any “tough but little girls” like her, but I think she sort of did it the best. but I didn’t watch enough anime’s, so someone else can help me.)

Ty Lee was absolutely a preppy archetype, and Mai is just an emo.

MY POINT?

Everyone in the Netflix series is the Gen Z adaptation.

Not that the characters are actually Gen Z, but they’re being played by Gen Z (early Gen Alpha for some?) in a new world.

I am mad that Sokka didn’t have his sexism arc, but I sort of get that it wouldn’t have hit as hard in this new world. (I think they should have kept it, but I just can see how people would have thought it hadn’t landed.) In this netflix avatar world, generals are women. Kyoshi warriors aren’t special just because they’re women who can kill. Unlike OG show. (Google says books show female generals. But im talking about when the show was animated.)

Sokka is also a lot nicer and less of a knucklehead. Because there’s not the same expectation for guys, at least in popular media, to be a jerk to be considered cool. His jerkness was mostly only in season 1 of the show, but still. He’s a little more sincere in this show.

Zuko is live action is a Drama Queen, and I’m all here for it. I love him. He’s not my emo boyfriend from the original, but it wouldn’t have landed the same.

Katara is the biggest example. Katara from the show was complicated for me. She was both the embodiment of girl power, and objectification anime kid friendly babe. If she wasn’t on Y7 show, she’d probably Have a skimpier outfit and a bigger bust.
She represented the girls watching her— who wanted a cool, powerful, activist young woman who stood up for herself, but didn’t match the “bad girl” vibe. Basically the women who would go to college during the Me Too movement.

Like, people don’t understand. This was before women had a huge place in “non chick flick media”. This was before Hunger Games and other Female led dystopias. This is before Twilight (which was significant that a female story could make billions.)

Fast forward to now. Gen Z Katara is living in world where the audience isn’t wowed by girl power. She is going to feel different.
And in season 2, I think the actress did well. She’s not an archetype of the mild manner woman who just is bursting with untapped activist potential but has to uphold this feminine charm because it’s expected. She’s just herself. There‘s no apologetic written into her character unlike the OG version. A moment you see this is in the line “Oh, a girl has her ways.” In the original, it had a weight to it because feminine charm and “persuasion” (sexuality) were still seen (irl) as the more powerful strength of a woman. Then it smash cuts into her having used actual violence.
In the Netflix version, it’s just a shrug and a “no big deal.”

I’m not saying the show did everyone perfect. I think people getting nostalgic about the show forget the environment the Original was in and why that wouldn’t land like it did then.
Yeah, this is Avatar world, not modern world. But you would be lying if you said that Atla is not heavily influenced by the modern world.

We’re in a different world. And these characters had to change.

Another weird example is the King. For some reason, he landed harder in this one? In our Current world, occupying someone with power by keeping them hyperfocused on a niche interest is way more interesting than “I’m just an adorable guy with a pet bear.“

Anyway, this could be a whole 100 page essay.

I bring this up because I don’t know if any of the younger or newer fans understood to what extent that a lot of the show was pop culture vibes.

It’s both timeless, and also made 20 years ago now. A lot has happened. And the adaptation had to not only adapt to a different medium, but to a different audience environment.

Zhao then Long Feng…

How the heck did this show’s finest factor be middle management villains? I think some writers must have gotten inspiration from real life, because they hit the nail on the head. 2 for 2.

What should we do before we leave for our 3 week trip? I’m thinking:

Cleaning/Prep:

- empty out all food that could be left out

- go through all clutter (we have papers and boxes that could harbor buggies.)

- cleaning out places where food could be forgotten or hidden (we have toddlers. Crumbs pop up in unexpected places.)

Treatment

- WSG

- Glue traps in allll of the hot spots.

- seal up weaknesses in Kitchen.

—

Any other ideas?

Background: We were holding boxes in out garage for a friend who was in a tough situation. Unfortunately, next time we went into the garage, we found a whole extended family of roaches.

We fought the good fight, and actually did pretty well. Glue traps had so many roaches. Small bait things I think helped.

But, there’s still roaches that have popped up in our kitchen and bathroom, and even a couple in our bedroom. Nothing crazy, just enough for us to know there’s still some breeding families somewhere. We don’t see them all The time, but at least a couple a week. But the fact that they’re popping up in different places, and we mostly see babies, and we live in a house not an apartment, makes me know they’re not all dead.

I‘m afraid of leaving for 3 weeks and just give time for all the moms to pop out 100 babies and come back to a much worse situation.

Thoughts?

visiting grandma and grandpa in California who love hiking and outdoors.

My 14 month old and my twin 4-year-olds have not done much hiking. We live in a flat, beach state.

I want my husband to go to Yosemite with his parents. I want him to do hikes and see the sites. I don’t have any desire right now (maternal hormones are completely against anything dangerous right now.) Husband wants kids to experience some nature, which I agree. If it were very feasible, I would love to make early memories.

But is it worth it? Im not outdoorsy, but I enjoy nature. But I don’t have infinite stamina. I’m definitely someone who needs a break after a couple of hours in the sun.

But, none of us are getting younger. If not now, when?
But, also I don’t want their first experience in Yosemite to be just a bad memory. lol.

My husband and I are finally researching for our anniversary trip to Maui (yay!)

My ignorant self (that grew up in Florida) thought that most beaches would have swimmable water, until I found out our resort doesn't recommend swimming at the beach it has access to.

May I ask what is the general beach-swimming culture/warnings in Maui?

And if there is a good beach to wade in, where would it be? If there is one?

I liked season 1. Liked. I appreciated the actors, the costuming, the attempts. I didn’t love the script and story direction, and I think the actor directing could have used more work. (You have to tell child actors what to do with their hands, or they’ll do nothing. I have so many notes.)

So, I want to see season 2! I can take it as it’s own thing, and my love for the art of film makes me see and appreciate some of the attempts that were made. (Giving big benefits of the doubt and knowing that there’s hundreds of people involved that are just trying their best.)

I was going to start watching season 2 tonight.

If season 1 was a 5/10, what would rate season 2?

And what was the best and worst aspects, generally speaking? (non spoiling. like “Visual effects were the best, but characterization of side characters were the worst.“)