50 years old — tadalafil unexpectedly changed much more than my sex life
I never thought I'd be posting about ED, but my experience has been positive enough that I thought it might help somebody else.
I'm 50. Over the last few years I'd been dealing with brain fog, lethargy, lower sexual desire and generally not feeling quite like myself. It was stressful for several months preparing to have sex. A friend suggested getting my testosterone checked. I did, and my doctor said my levels were within the expected range for my age.
Eventually I went through Hims and was prescribed tadalafil 8.5 mg.
For me, the results have been remarkable.
The obvious improvement has been sexual function, but what surprised me was what happened to my confidence around sex and intimacy. My libido feels stronger, I've been much more comfortable sexually with my wife, and she says I seem happier and more focused generally.
I've also been lifting better than I have in years and finally benched 225 a week before turning 50, which was a personal milestone. I've dramatically cut back on alcohol too.
I want to be careful here: I'm not claiming tadalafil directly caused the strength gains, improved my mood, reduced my drinking, or produced any of the psychological changes I'm about to describe**.** I don't know that, and there have been other positive changes happening in my life at the same time.
But the psychological part has been fascinating.
I've been in therapy on and off since I was young for anxiety, depression and intimacy issues. I had a painful relationship in college that ended largely because of religious/family differences. It was emotionally complicated and ended badly. I basically shut the door on it, moved forward with my life and didn't really grieve it.
Shortly afterward I met an incredibly patient woman. I had been very inexperienced sexually—I didn't have sex until well into my 20s—and she eventually became my wife. She's the only person I've ever had sex with, and we've now been happily married for many years.
Since starting tadalafil and becoming much more comfortable with my sexuality and intimacy, something unexpected has happened in therapy.
Old memories and emotions have started surfacing with an intensity I wasn't expecting. I've remembered experiences of rejection, insecurity and shame from high school and college that I hadn't thought about in decades. I've actually grieved that old relationship for what feels like the first time.
My therapist has commented on how much progress I've been making and how much more emotionally aware I've become.
Again, I cannot say tadalafil caused this. My own theory is that feeling sexually capable and comfortable in my body removed an insecurity I'd carried for decades. That confidence, combined with a good marriage and therapy, may have made me feel safe enough to finally process some things I'd spent most of my adult life avoiding.
Maybe the medication changed my erections. Maybe everything that followed came from what that change did to my confidence. Maybe the timing is partly coincidence. I honestly don't know.
What I do know is that at 50 I feel more sexually confident, more emotionally connected to my wife and more comfortable with myself than I remember feeling before.
I also haven't experienced the side effects that some people report, although obviously everyone's experience and medical situation is different.
I'm curious whether anyone else taking tadalafil has experienced something similar—not necessarily resurfacing memories, but a broader psychological change that came from finally feeling confident about sex and intimacy.