u/LittleMissPotatoe

I find myself in an impossible situation. I’ve been begging for my mom to be admitted geriatric psychiatric for MONTHS due to her continued refusal of anything, initially beginning with refusal of socialization and continually escalating over the last year to the point of refusing to get out of bed, eat, drink, and being content to lay in her own excrement in a room without any entertainment whatsoever including no television. After a bout in the hospital, where she retained urine, causing kidney failure, and wasn’t coherent enough to refuse care, she was transferred to skilled nursing to rehabilitate, but of course, she starting refusing care again as soon as she became coherent. Geri-psych facility finally approved her, but now they won’t admit her without her first being medically cleared and treated for a UTI (a UTI she did NOT have for the past YEAR when this terrible pattern of refusal first began and that she didn’t have a week ago in the hospital). Has anyone else dealt with a similar standoff? What do you do?

ER won’t admit for a “UTI” and also said “can’t force her,” despite me having durable POA.

Skilled nursing also won’t “force her,” even letting her refuse food and water.

Assisted living can’t let her back unless she is somewhat ambulatory (and she refused to get out of bed for them).

Psych will admit her but only if she’s treated for the UTI she is refusing treatment for.

Apologies in advance, my thoughts are a jumbled mess, right now. My mom, prior to being diagnosed, was a narcissist and incredibly manipulative and selfish. She would cry when not getting her way, scream, and threaten legal action for the most minor of inconveniences—literally anything to accomplish her goals/wants. It has only gotten worse. She recently moved from independent living to assisted living because of lack of basic hygiene and needing medication assistance.

She now screams at staff that nothing is wrong with her, curses at them, calls me dozens to hundreds of times a day to scream at me that she’d rather die than be there, and demands to be taken “home.” She sold her home of her own accord years ago, but don’t tell her that. She’ll call you a liar and become even more vile.

I’m worried I will need to move her to memory care, but I don’t have any clue how to do that. Does her physician sign off on it? Someone else? Do they even take Medicaid? All of her income is currently going to assisted living costs.

She is now threatening to “walk as far as I can,” and honestly, I’d almost like to see her try it, only to have her admitted to geri-psych. She would not get very far though. She is mostly wheelchair-bound and can only accomplish short distances with her walker. She didn’t care about me or my children before being diagnosed (never even learned their names), and now because of blood, I’m the one stuck dealing with this. What do you do in this situation?