u/Livid-Common9835

My struggles aren't with my strategy or psychology anymore, I know how this all works.

My problem is that I only get good setups not even twice a week. This makes progress so slow since i show up to the charts every day and get nearly nothing.

I've been paper trading for ages and yet despite being in profit i haven't been able to make enough to pass a single eval across several months.

I barely ever get 20 point moves which secure me 500$. I barely even get a win worth $300 (10pt move). Maybe once or twice a week this happens. But I get losses as well which wipes it all out. My R:R is around 1:1 most times.

Its so slow and so demotivating. I don't know what to do to fix it, but ES has been weird recently during NY session, so perhaps i need to trade other sessions?

The issue with that is I only have limited time to trade every day, and the mental drain is insane. I still need to work and go to my lectures and read for hours a day so trading diff sessions might be impractical for me.

I really want to make this work but despite being profitable on paper, it feels like i'm not actually making progress.

Furthermore if I had the capital I'd just size up and be even pickier with my setups. Then my profits would count. But somehow trading 8MES just doesn't get me far enough. I usually let 6 contracts go for 10pts and the other 2 contracts for 20pts.

What can I do to make my 2 hours per NY session per day actually count? And how can I see the results I want to see, when my setup comes only once a week. I expend so much mental energy on trading and even if i'm capable I'm starting to feel like I might not be capable enough.

Hi guys! Ive been paper trading for about 6 months, journalling each one and testing a strategy i learned with my mentors.

The first three months were amazing for me, i crawled my way up, made small wins and barely ever made any large losses. March was an amazing month where my strategy made me 2k that month, my wins were soaring and my strategy had a real edge.

From April onwards, my strategy is not only failing but the opportunities present themselves far less often. (For context i trade S/D). I'm taking the same setups I used to, although they are mainly A setups, not A plus. This is because my A+ setup barely EVER presents itself these days. Once a week if I'm lucky. It's so demotivating when all the zones available to trade are shit and lower probability during the first three hours of NY session.

Ive made myself some rules to refine the types of entries i choose when it comes to fresh zones. Ive made some rules to help control my risk. But every trade is genuinely ending up being a loss. And the trades that work in my direction don't even run for 10 points anymore so i can never take profits, cutting me straight off at BE.

I'm getting so tired of going to the market and it gives me nothing but confusion. My trading psychology has also plummeted since confirmation candles are no longer accurate on my strong setups, and my entry will always somehow get frontran by a tick or two. Ive had red week after red week, and weirdly enough gambling has made me way more green than sticking to this strategy.

How do i continue? Genuinely how? I want to see this through but my edge is gone / isn't applicable to these current market conditions.

My bf and i are very different characters so we can tend to get into a lot of arguments.

One thing that has happened in each argument is me taking the full entire blame, and him taking no accountability- him thinking he is always right and never wrong.

Another thing is that he would do hurtful things, and never be able to acknowledge it or admit it. Id try to have a mature conversation with him, but whilst he does welcome these conversations, he always denies he did anything wrong. He will never comfort me either.

I have tried multiple communication styles with him, and it is safe to say nothing works. He will blame me for not communicating in the precise wau he wants me to. Then he will give me some advice to improve the communication. Then the next time there is a fight, i will change my approach to suit him more. Then he finds another problem, etc. its a never ending loop.

I am so tired of it, but i want to stay strong and try and build some healthy foundations for both of us.

The thing is, he is so unpredictable - its so random as to when he will get frustrated with me for something small - yes i am a human that makes mistakes. When i make a mistake i usually try to explain myself (he asks questions towards me before revealing that he is hurt) . But once he makes me aware, i apologise.

The problem is, these seemingly small arguments tend to leave me absolutely shattered and depressed for days. I always feel invalidated, ignored, misunderstood. He doenst put any effort into understanding me, comforting me, or hearing out my side of things.

Its got to the point where im getting scared for the next time this will happen. I cant control it, I cant identify what he might misinterpret and become frustrated about. And i am not rude, or mean, or anything of the sort. I am extremely careful with my words around him. I do not want to offend him and i absolutely dont want to hurt him ever.

He just makes me out to be the biggest villain ever, whenever i make the smallest mistake. Maybe this is what walking on eggshells feels like.

Im so conflicted because i love him so much, but this is the only thing in my life that destroys my mental health so much.

Ive tried for two years to help him become aware of this since i see it as the fatal flaw in the relationship. Toxic relationships r usually caused by both people, not just one.

I dont know what to do anymore. I could try to talk to him about it, but these talks never go well. I think that, If i come to him to have a mature talk about anything, it never ends well, So i should just avoid talking to him. Which is sad. He says that i can always talk to him and i can always open up. But i cant. He will hurt me again, every single time.

What can i do besides break up, Is there anything at all?

Tldr: constant fighting in relationship making me feel helpless and depressed