disgusted by pics of myself
It's so sad because I look at old pictures of myself when I didn't know I was ugly and get a physical reaction from how insanely ugly I look in that picture compared to everyone around me. It looks like there is something terribly wrong with my face. I cannot believe I looked like that for so long (and still do no matter how freaking hard I try). But it actually breaks my heart to even think like that because that's just a kid in those pictures. Just a little kid who had no reason to be unhappy with her life back then.
And now that I know I am ugly (just personally but also from other people) it sucks so bad because nothing I do will ever look truly good because of my features. For context I have quite a flat wide nose, I have a very flat nose bridge and wide nasal base which is the worst type of nose you can have imo. I can't put makeup on because it literally makes no difference. Makeup is designed to enhance already good features. I don't have that. I can't even smile without my face morphing into the ugliest thing and I have to physically put so much effort into getting a decent picture to absolutely no avail. And people get frustrated when I don't wanna take pictures but its okay for them because they are gonna look fine anyways. I just hate it so much. I wish I was at least average looking. But it's so frickin bad I hate looking at people. Sometimes people start laughing for no reason looking at my face and then quickly apologize or I can see them hold back a smile and the worst part is I get it. Because even I feel disbelief when I look in the mirror. It's mortifying and I feel like a narcissist whenever I try to put a lot of effort into my appearance but that's because it always looks so freaking bad no matter what I try.
I'm young and I don't need people telling me to just try and enjoy my life, find people who treat you well regardless,etc.i know that. I'm just really struggling with the idea of being unlucky enough to be this ugly and being surrounded by people who aren't.