Retroactive Jealousy with Grieve
I'm M(19) virgin (no gf since birth) and she's F(22), she had her first bf for 2 yrs with sex exp before me. So basically we met 6 months ago (LDR), we clicked instantly and got together. But 4 months ago, when I found out that she already had her 1st sex before, I was devasted. Even though she kept telling me that her experience with him was very bad, not just on sex but with their whole relationship, my mind and heart won't listen, no matter what reassurance she gives me. She's the woman I wanna be with, she have everything that I'm looking for a partner, but there is only one thing I'm having a hard time to deal with... She already had sex before me.
(She said to me that what we have now is better than what she experienced with him. She's trying her best to help me with my RJ, because she really wants us to work out together)
My RJ is solely on sex. I don't mind on anything else, just sex.
I'm grieving because I'm hoping for a reality where we could've been each other's first (which is impossible)
Even when I see something like a post relating to sex, I don't even think about ours (our future), I think about theirs’ (her and her ex)
I feel like when it's our time to do it, I don't feel it's special anymore because she already know how it goes and how it feels.
How do I deal with this? I've read some and it's so hard to apply when my emotions are more stronger than my mind.
My RJ asks this questions: • For 2yrs, how often they've done it? • How did they do it? • What do they feel and thinking while doing it?