Disappointed
I was adopted as an infant into a a large family. My AM is one of 8 siblings. She is the second oldest and helped raise her siblings, thus her obsession with babies.
My entire life we pretty much avoided the topic of adoption and whenever I brought it up as a possible reason for my various social difficulties, I was promptly shut down.
Since coming through the fog, my changed perspective is helping me acknowledge things I used to be in denial about. So every time my AM has a conversation with her siblings, especially her sister, I start to feel a little hurt. Because I had a sister and I dreamt of meeting her and recently found out she has passed so that will never happen. It’s not only this that makes me sad but the fact that my AM seems to have zero concern for my feelings.
For some context, my AM is overly concerned and sympathetic towards myself and any of my friends she ever meets. She has this nurturing thing blown out of proportion (she was also a pediatric nurse). So the fact that she is so blasé and dismissive about my feelings as an adoptee really makes our dynamic even more difficult to stomach. Like, I have a whole family too, that I’ve never had a connection with because I was taken from them because you were desperate for an infant. She never even told me I had a brother I just recently found this out and she is also very dismissive about this like it’s no big deal, like it shouldn’t effect me- especially because she bought me nice things my whole life so I shouldn’t be upset about anything.
Not one family member in my adoptive family has ever asked about my experience as an adoptee,. I suppose they simply don’t owe me this kind of interest. It does however make it easier to not put any effort into having a relationship with them. Can anyone relate to any of this??
I sound a bit selfish. I know it’s not all about me but I guess I just feel disappointed in everyone. I know I have a lot of emotional growing up to do. I’m in therapy for years know and am an active member of a 12 step program and I’m really trying to get my shit together. I just feel very hurt and very conned by my AM because how can you be so supportive with everything else except this? It leaves this huge wedge between us and she thinks that we are going to become close and I do not feel like that. I have considered going limited contact with them. They’re not bad people but I feel like our relationship is causing more harm than good and potentially helping to stagnate my personal growth (I live with them)…
Any feedback/identification is appreciated. Thank you to this community 💗💗 also, I am adopted from Brazil as an infant by white Americans. Was told my whole life I’m half Italian (my AM is Italian). Recently found out through DNA testing I am zero Italian and lots of African. As a teen my parents never understood why I wanted to hang out with certain people and always told me to ‘not talk like that’ or ‘not act like that’. When I told them about my DNA they were dismissive about this also. I suppose I am just expecting too much from them. How wonderful it would be to have some genuine interest, concern and compassion. Do you think I am wrong for feeling like that? I know I’m entitled to my feelings but should I just get over all of it?? Idk what to do but it makes me very sick to my stomach.