r/TransracialAdoptees

▲ 13 r/TransracialAdoptees+2 crossposts

Positive Transracial Adoption

Do any adopt these of color have good relationships with their white adopted parent? I work with a lot of Black children who have been adopted by non-Black families. But I’ve only met a few parents who really try to make an effort to learn their child’s culture. Most just try to ignore or dismiss their race. I’ve never met a non-Black parent who cares enough to set aside money to ensure their child’s hair stays done or they can take proper care of their hygiene requirements (lotion, oil, etc.).

I kind of feel like not getting your child’s hair done or ensuring that they have the tools to build a positive sense of self is child neglect. I’ve seen kids had to shave their heads because their parents refuse to learn how to care for it. I’ve also seen kids get eczema because their parents don’t ensure they’re using lotion every morning.

Usually, their lack of care bleeds into how they treat the child. It’s like they treat their children like they’re wild animals while also not giving them the tools to groom themselves. Then they start acting too scared to parent them or they start acting scared of the child once they get older. I don’t know if I’m being hypercritical or if this is an actual issue. Are there any transracially adoptees who love their non-black or white adopted parent? How can I encourage non-Black parents to do better? How can I help Black adoptees enhance their self image without crossing their parents boundaries? My questions are for people of color, not the people who adopted them. Ive heard hella parents from transracially adopted families praise transracial adoption.

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u/Creative_Toe516 — 15 hours ago

The constant reminders

One would think you get used to this and stop caring about it but to me it is almost the opposite. I get more and more upset at these constant reminders that my surroundings always recognize me as a foreigner. That will just always be their assumption when they see me, since I am South Asian adopted to the Nordics where immigration still is quite new. The other day at the gym a guy approached me and asked me a question in English, and I replied in his native language, which is also my native language. He then proceeded to say something like «Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t know why I spoke English to you». And I just looked at him weird because like, are you kidding? We both know why 😂

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u/CompetitiveKalosian — 3 days ago

Disappointed

I was adopted as an infant into a a large family. My AM is one of 8 siblings. She is the second oldest and helped raise her siblings, thus her obsession with babies.

My entire life we pretty much avoided the topic of adoption and whenever I brought it up as a possible reason for my various social difficulties, I was promptly shut down.

Since coming through the fog, my changed perspective is helping me acknowledge things I used to be in denial about. So every time my AM has a conversation with her siblings, especially her sister, I start to feel a little hurt. Because I had a sister and I dreamt of meeting her and recently found out she has passed so that will never happen. It’s not only this that makes me sad but the fact that my AM seems to have zero concern for my feelings.

For some context, my AM is overly concerned and sympathetic towards myself and any of my friends she ever meets. She has this nurturing thing blown out of proportion (she was also a pediatric nurse). So the fact that she is so blasé and dismissive about my feelings as an adoptee really makes our dynamic even more difficult to stomach. Like, I have a whole family too, that I’ve never had a connection with because I was taken from them because you were desperate for an infant. She never even told me I had a brother I just recently found this out and she is also very dismissive about this like it’s no big deal, like it shouldn’t effect me- especially because she bought me nice things my whole life so I shouldn’t be upset about anything.

Not one family member in my adoptive family has ever asked about my experience as an adoptee,. I suppose they simply don’t owe me this kind of interest. It does however make it easier to not put any effort into having a relationship with them. Can anyone relate to any of this??

I sound a bit selfish. I know it’s not all about me but I guess I just feel disappointed in everyone. I know I have a lot of emotional growing up to do. I’m in therapy for years know and am an active member of a 12 step program and I’m really trying to get my shit together. I just feel very hurt and very conned by my AM because how can you be so supportive with everything else except this? It leaves this huge wedge between us and she thinks that we are going to become close and I do not feel like that. I have considered going limited contact with them. They’re not bad people but I feel like our relationship is causing more harm than good and potentially helping to stagnate my personal growth (I live with them)…

Any feedback/identification is appreciated. Thank you to this community 💗💗 also, I am adopted from Brazil as an infant by white Americans. Was told my whole life I’m half Italian (my AM is Italian). Recently found out through DNA testing I am zero Italian and lots of African. As a teen my parents never understood why I wanted to hang out with certain people and always told me to ‘not talk like that’ or ‘not act like that’. When I told them about my DNA they were dismissive about this also. I suppose I am just expecting too much from them. How wonderful it would be to have some genuine interest, concern and compassion. Do you think I am wrong for feeling like that? I know I’m entitled to my feelings but should I just get over all of it?? Idk what to do but it makes me very sick to my stomach.

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u/Logical-Explorer4226 — 4 days ago

For those who come from ethnicities that speak a language other than English, do people sometimes express shock that you speak perfectly good English?

I know my voice does not match my face, but they often seemed genuinely surprised when I speak. Are people confused when they hear you speak?

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u/Ambitious-Client-220 — 4 days ago
▲ 0 r/TransracialAdoptees+1 crossposts

(Fellow American here) Americans who’ve adopted kids from the UK (any age) what’s it like? How’d your kids adjust to life in America? Did their accent change? How was their school life, ETC?

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u/Middle_Quality_8172 — 8 days ago

Chronic Anxiety from Racial Expectations

F18. 🇨🇦.
I was adopted by white Canadian parents as a baby from Africa and I grew up in a predominantly white area. I’ve never felt like I didn’t belong at home nor did I feel some sort of unspoken connection to other Black people. I never felt “deprived” of Blackness. My parents had books, I got my hair done, and we went to a family camp with other children of African heritage, so I did see other black people.

For some POC racial community is important, however I am not one of them.

Ever since I was little I knew who I was attracted to and who made me happiest, and those were almost exclusively white people. (Where I grew up was 70-80% White, and only 1.2% Black).

I feel okay in myself and what I want but the anxiety of pressure from other people is depressing me. I get harassed by white and black men, but I’ve only been assaulted by a black man.

Also the “Black people should date other Black people” discourse is suffocating.

I hate being reduced to a symbol instead of a human woman with my own experiences and preferences.

It’s like me being black makes other black people feel entitled to my body and energy even though they’re strangers.

Trying to feel less monitored and watched. If you’ve experienced something similar please don’t hesitate to reach out 🫩.

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u/TumbleweedSavings375 — 9 days ago

How do you explain yourself?

Hey yall, I’m a transracial adoptee. I am native & white and my adoptive family is Arab. I have a very traditionally Arab / Muslim name. I live in a super multicultural city and any uber I get into, restaurant I’m at, and often at work, I am asked by other Arabs where I’m from. It does not help I am racially ambiguous so I’m often assumed to be racially arab.

I have quite a bit of trauma around my experience being adopted, so it’s most times kind of a sensitive topic. Usually when I’m asked I just say “I’m native and my families Arab”, and at times I just say “oh my names from ____ country”. Sometimes I don’t like telling people I’m adopted bc then you get the sad orphan eyes LOL, especially being Muslim, it’s a good act to care for an orphan/ to marry off an orphan etc so sometimes ppl can be a little off. My adoptive family also always tells me “you’re just as Arab as the rest of us” etc- while simultaneously very much respecting my birth culture and identity. Which further kind of confuses me as to how I should identify?

I guess I’m just wondering if any of you run into similar things? Or how you introduce yourself? It also feels like a lot of personal information to tell a random stranger “hey I was an orphan”. But it also feels misleading to just say I’m from where my parents are from. Also it doesn’t help most uncles and aunties in community don’t really understand when I say “native” or “indigenous” bc they aren’t familiar with that as a racial category. Idk. Guess I’m just wondering how other people navigate that.

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u/zaydo97 — 8 days ago

Wanted to say thank you

I'm a 34 year old female international adoptee, mom was apparently Japanese and dad was from the UK and part Indian, I have no idea from where beyond that. I ended up with white American adoptive parents and I have yet to figure out what is going on at any point ever. I hope adding a "Mixed" flair was okay, but I don't know why it keeps showing it double on my side.

That said, I just wanted to say thank you for this sub and for everyone who shares, I've lurked the past few months reading and finally decided to rejoin reddit because things actually felt a little more bearable, a little less lonely, and a little less like I was losing my mind. So thank you so, so much.

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u/Sea-Temp444 — 8 days ago
▲ 6 r/TransracialAdoptees+1 crossposts

Doppelte Staatsbürgerschaft

Hey Leute ich habe ne Frage… gibt es hier Adopted mit doppelter Staatsbürgerschaft? Wenn ja wie geht ihr damit um und seht ihr es als großen Vorteil oder Nachteil ? :)
Ich versuche seit geraumer Zeit ein Depot zu eröffnen allerdings bleibt es mir verwehrt aufgrund meiner doppeltenstaatsbürgerschaft. Das bedeutet ich kann das Geld sich nicht selbst vermehren lassen ich kann nur Knall hart sparen. Somit sehe ich die doppeltestaatsbürgerschaft als großen Nachteil an weil ich nicht wirklich vorarbeiten kann für später in meinem Leben. Ich freue mich über eine aufschlussreiche Konversation und Diskussion wie ihr das seht.

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u/Difficult-Physics292 — 13 days ago