u/Logical-You-1245

Only child here. I really am struggling with this responsibility. It all started with my father who had severe health issues for 5 years. It was long and drawn out. We were in and out of the hospital for this or that over years.

In the meantime, my mom also began to have health issues that showed up. We live in Tenn. I started to notice mental health issues as she took care of my father. I would get panic calls from her and I tried to intervene with caregivers to assist. That worked some of the time but my parents often chased them off.

After my father passed, my mom just collapsed. All the weight of everything she could not do any longer passed to me. I mentally could not do it and became a very angry person. I am still not sure why. But, I think it was dealing with her deep emotional problems with her physical health issues. I have had little help.

I have recently just wanted to back off completely. I feel guilt about it but my own health is now a problem. I have health issues that are piling up of my own. If I tell my mom what they are, I don't hear concern about me. It becomes another tragedy that has befalling her about her. She will worry me incessantly about it so I now have to console her about MY own health issues.

She has some heart issues but can drive and bathe and do major ADLs.

I posted the stress question a day or so ago and so many of us highlighted that we have a different culture. Things are very different due to the costs of elder care and having our parents cared for properly.

I would like to mention that it is absolutely wrong what is happening in our country in terms of the breakdown of a system that never accounted for how to handle this system. Our politicians are ignoring this one systemic issue and we are all too tired to fight this issue.

If I had to say one thing to all of us it would be build into our culture more systems and nursing/crisis care so that even if we are doing this, we have more respite programs that are subsidized. I think there are too few programs that are affordable. If you are a family member caring for an elder at home, there should be at least three times a year that you have respite for your own health and sanity!

We are going on vacation. We have told our parent that we are going. Our L/O has known for months. We set up respite care in a facility if they felt worried. They declined. We will not be able to come back as the flight is 6 hrs away and it will likely be 24 hrs before we can get home in an emergency. The L/O will not have be able to have family close by to help. They are capable of driving and doing there ADLs as well. Should I cancel?