i wanna be loved so bad
i feel like I’m sick in the head for even saying this.I wanna be loved by older men i need their attention and comfort. It sounds so childish to me like a pick me but i cant help but to feel this way. I have been deprived of this kind of comfort since young and I’m going through a time where it’s nagging me again.
I keep looking for ways to find them get them to like me but they only want sex or no real emotional connection and I’m all about that connection. Im talking to this guy he is lovely nice and respectful but he doesn’t love me and he never will.
He told me that i agreed to that and i hate that i did there is no emotion to me in his messages and it’s upsetting me. It’s selfish wanting the world to spin around you but cant i have one person to do it for me and give me attention.
Im not proud of any of this it comes with a lot of self doubt porn addiction and tough nights where i wish i was normal and could just go on without needing to be loved by someone and just be happy with being by myself.
Indeed I’m in an endless cycle thats filled with older men that don’t love me, porn thats brainwashing me or nights stressing myself out whether I’m still loveable. A a bad cycle yeah but its the only place i was able to find comfort in the slightest bit and id rather hang on to that then nothing at all.