SD is going to be the end of our relationship…
This is a throwaway account, because I don’t want to have ties to my main account. I’ve been lurking on this page for quite sometime reading stories, and I just want to vent about mine!
Me and my fiance have been together for 5 years. He has 2 daughters, 14 and 12, I have two daughters 15 and 9. When we first got together things were good, we were a “blended family” but somewhere along the way and the kids got older and more of who they want to be as a person, we aren’t blended anymore. My daughters are girly and love all things girl. His daughters aren’t girly at all, and they hate anything that has to do with being a girl. His oldest has started her period not too long ago and she didn’t even want to wear feminine products because of how much she wants to be a boy. His oldest is the main problem with me, and it started years ago when she got into middle school. She had a “good” friend group at that point but screwed it up by telling lies to everyone at the school, and HUGE lies at that. She lied about how shes killed people and stuffed them underneath her bed, that she had an axe she hid underneath her bed, she was obsessed with all them horror and scary (I like scary movies too, I think I was the one who introduced to her first scary movie) but was taking it too far, she lied that she has lucid dreams and some other crazy crap about dreaming (probably saw this on YouTube or something), she lied about how she can goes weeks without eating or drinking anything, she lied about why she doesn’t live with her BM (I will go into that), she sent pictures of her holding a handful of ibuprofen and said she was going to 💀herself, and most importantly she lied to all her friends that her dad 🍇ed her. At this time this cause MAJOR MAJOR issues in our relationship. We had a family sit down with his parents (because they are like the other parent since their mom isn’t really involved much) and us and her and asked her WHY ON EARTH would you say these things when they aren’t true?!!!!! All she had to say about anything was she was trying to “fit” in. Which to me seemed to be BULLSHIT because her friends she had at that time were great kids, played sports, good grades, involved in the church, would come visit our home, well mannered, ect. ….. After saying all those things, her friend group didn’t want to be friends with her anymore, she got involved with the not-so-great kids after that, and that’s when she decided she wanted to be gay. During all of this, her dad took her to the doctor, I suggested to him she needed a child psychologist or someone who specialized in these things, not just a general practitioner, but he took her to an urgent care and she was prescribed depression medicine. He didn’t push for her to see a therapist (I suggested) or really do anything much besides take her medicine. He really struggled with her wanting to be gay, and it caused a lot of fights with them, but eventually he just got over it. Then a few years passed and she has a boyfriend, she says she’s not gay anymore. But still, each school year/each year there has always been some kind of issue with her. I can’t remember when, but at some point after she told the lies, she started harming herself, so we went through a lot with that. We wouldn’t allow her to be in the bathroom for a long time by herself, kept our cutlery locked down, searched her belongings and made sure there wasn’t any kind of scissors or anything sharp she could access.
SDs BM lives in another state and he has full custody, so she sees them once or maybe twice a month. I’m not sure why she doesn’t want them full-time, all he says to me is bad things about her. I’ve never had a one-on-one conversation with her, and I’ve only heard his side of the story. Like I said earlier, his parents are like the other parent, so when they aren’t at our house they are at their grandparents house. With that being said, they basically rule the roost over at their house. They don’t have any rules, we have rules at our home, and they don’t like coming over here anymore. They are allowed to eat in their rooms, their grandmother picks up after them, they are allowed to do anything they want, they stay on their phone or video games all hours of the night, they don’t have to brush their hair or maintain good hygiene. It’s basically a nightmare to me, because I demand my children to do right and what I expect of them, and when they don’t, they have consequences. His children don’t. If they get in trouble for doing something, it’s either not dealt with or just a talking to. My children are involved in sports and extracurricular activities, his do absolutely nothing with their lives except school and sitting in their rooms. I don’t think it’s a problem that they don’t want to do anything extra, but if you aren’t going to do anything extra then I think your full focus should be on your schooling, and theirs slacks at that. His youngest isn’t as much as an issue as the oldest, but I fear she is going to follow in her sisters footsteps because she wants to be just like her and always has…
Okay so, recently his oldest has caused alot of problems. She ran away from her grandparents house, they had to call the law because they couldn’t find her, and while she was with the law she told them that she wanted to harm herself with scissors, so they had to take her to the hospital. From there she tells the doctors that she’s tried to 💀 herself 3 times within a weeks time and that she’s been 🔪 herself again. They have her in an impatient facility now, which is for the best. Her dad is a wreck. It’s caused fights between us, he hasn’t been eating or sleeping since this has happened, and the tension is just so high right now. I’ve wanted to say “told you so/you should have listened to me years ago” but I’ve been trying to be supportive for him. I’ve just gotten to the point to where I feel sorry for her, but I also just don’t even care anymore. I’ve tried to be there for her and have tried reaching out to her first, just in case she wanted to ever talk about anything, but all I get is silence or disrespect. I’ve tried giving her space and thinking she would come to me if she needed me. I’m not knocking myself for what I’ve done/haven’t done because it’s not my responsibility to be their mother. But it just makes me want to leave, and have a life just with my girls. I love him, he loves my kids, but I’m not loving his kids. I hope and pray she gets the help she needs while she’s gone. The real test will be when she gets to come home, and if the people responsible for her are going to continue with her treatment plan. Thanks for letting me vent!