How do you help a friend who seems to be manic?
I’m looking for advice on how to support a longtime friend whose behavior has become increasingly concerning without completely blowing up the friendship.
We’ve been best friends for 18 years. There have been periods where we took breaks from each other because of situations similar to this, but this time I don’t want to just disappear or avoid it. She was my maid of honor last year and was doing really well at the time. She seemed stable, grounded, and was taking care of herself. Recently though, things feel very different and I’m honestly scared for her family.
She has bipolar disorder and says she is still taking her medication, but a lot of her recent behavior reminds me of past manic periods. She cannot keep a job and increasingly says she “can’t work for anyone else.” I recently gave her a professional reference and she walked out during training, then immediately started talking about calling a lawyer. This kind of impulsive reaction keeps happening.
She smokes marijuana heavily and compulsively. She stopped drinking a few years ago after cheating on her husband during a really destructive period that almost ended her marriage and affected her relationship with her child. Since then, the marijuana use seems to have replaced the alcohol.
Her communication with her family has also become really volatile. She screams at the top of her lungs, cries constantly, threatens divorce, and creates chaos in the house. Her husband is the only one working right now and he supports her fiercely, but I can tell he’s exhausted and struggling.
Financially, things are concerning too. She signed a lease for a studio space for a business she realistically could not afford while unemployed. She spends money impulsively even when they are already struggling. She recently got a new job and one of the first things she did with the little money she had was buy weed.
I’m also struggling with how she talks about her daughter. Her daughter is 6 and genuinely such a sweet kid. My friend is convinced she has autism despite multiple doctors apparently telling her otherwise. This part is especially difficult for me because my own mother constantly diagnosed me with things growing up and it created years of anxiety and insecurity for me.
Her child also keeps getting removed from private schools, but I never get a clear explanation why. I suspect there are financial issues involved, but I don’t know for sure.
What makes this harder is that after these episodes, she eventually stabilizes, apologizes to everyone, and has insight into the damage she caused. Then over time the cycle repeats.
I’m pregnant with my first child and I’m at the point where I’m questioning whether I can safely keep this level of chaos in my life. At the same time, I love her deeply and don’t want to abandon her if she genuinely needs help.
How do you approach someone you care about when you believe they are spiraling, especially when they insist they are fine? How do you set boundaries without completely cutting them off?