u/LoonieToonie88

Hi there,

The subreddit says loved ones are welcome and I thought the perspective of another person with bipolar 2 would be best here. My husband and I have been together since we've been 16 years old (currently both will be 38 soon), we have been married for 14 years and have a 9 year old son.

My husband is normally kind, patient, and well mannered. He's normally wonderful with children, and he's a cat lover. He's held down a steady job his whole adult life, and has a BSc and an MBA, among other certifications for work. He was valedictorian at Graduation, the President of the athletic committee, an excellent athlete... he was on the honour roll and got scholarships... He was a go getter... all of the psychiatrists he's seen said that they are surprised he was able to do any of that given his diagnoses.

To summarize a VERY long story, my husband (37M) was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after a suicide attempt in 2023. That psychiatrist missed a few diagnoses, and it turns out that my husband has bipolar 2, major depressive disorder, PTSD (childhood trauma - alcoholic and physically abusive Father), and borderline personality disorder (all of these diagnosed by a different psychiatrist and confirmed by another).

My husband said he's struggled his whole life, which started in puberty. He had a ROUGH time in his early 20's... I found out 10 years after all of this happened, but he was doing cocaine and had a suicide attempt at the time as well. No one, including his family, knew about any of it. He quit the cocaine by himself, and he's currently not drinking alcohol or doing any other drugs at all. I am responsible for our finances because he's unable to, not because he's irresponsible, but because he literally can't. I would know if he was buying drugs. He's been on STD and now LTD from work.

2022 to late 2025 he had what I've explained as his "angry phase", where my patient, well mannered, and kind husband turned into a man I didn't know. He would yell, scream, punch walls, he shoved me a few times, broke things, threw things, erratic driving, etc. He would yell at me if I asked him to slow down or he would speed up to scare me more, or tail gate the person in front of us. He was hateful and I spent those years very scared. No matter how many times I told him to seek help, he wouldn't.

In fall 2025, he finally broke. He was becoming paranoid, and accusing me of making his life harder and saying that me, and all of our family were out to get him. It was terrifying. He shaved his head as well. I brought him to the hospital against his will the next day. Then he was diagnosed with all of the illnesses I mentioned earlier...

Present day... he's been prescribed soooo many medications and nothing seems to be working that well, or if it is it's VERY slow. He's had his medications changed a few times. He's currently taking Duloxetine 60mg once a day, Vraylar I think 1.5mg once a day, Lorazepam 1mg in the morning, Clonazepam 0.25mg three times a day, and a sleeping medication (not Trazadone) that's slipping my mind right now that he takes at night. He also has Ketamine treatment twice a week, which is monitored at the pharmacy. He's been on the ketamine for 3 months now, and was just prescribed 3 more months.

Since mid December, he's been crying constantly... like, sobbing uncontrollably, and having panic attacks that the benzodiazepines hardly touch. His anxiety is through the roof, and he gets stuck in these awful cycles about work, which make him spiral and make his anxiety worse. He says he still wants to die every day, but he's only staying here for me and our son. He never had anxiety before all of this. It's developed since the medications started.

He's not functioning, he's either crying or sleeping... he sometimes sleeps 15 hours a day. I know the benzodiazpines cause drowsiness... but it seems excessive to me. What kind of life is he living? It breaks my heart to see him suffering like this. He used to exercise everyday and now I bring him out for walks when it's sunny outside, which he struggles with.

Is this normal until he's completely stabilized? Do I just wait longer for the medication to work? He sees his Psychiatrist on the 20th, and I've brought up these concerns several times and the doctor says it takes time and we need to be patient, but come on???? Am I being unreasonable here? I Googled medication side effects and it says Vraylar can cause anxiety...

I have a disability and have been unable to work for almost 6 years now, which I'm sure caused a lot of pressure on my husband. I spoke about this with him several times before all of this happened and he always assured me that he was fine. I have disability benefits, and we've never overly struggled financially, we've always been comfortable. I've had lots of surgeries and procedures, and am currently being tested for Huntington's disease... found family members with it, and saw a genetic counselor who says my risk is 1 in 8 and I'm waiting to see the Geneticist in the fall.

I don't know who he is anymore. I want him to stop hurting... he is so sad all the time, and I don't know what to do.

It's like he's snapped or broken, and I'm afraid that for his sake, he'll never be the same again. I keep reassuring him that he will find his new normal and that we'll go from there and that he's not disappointing anyone... Can someone please help me?? What can I do!?

Thank you to anyone who reads. It's very much appreciated!

**11:00pm - I'm heading to bed and I'll reply to anyone in the morning. I appreciate the replies that I've gotten so far! It's been very helpful. I have some decisions to make.